Hi, my name is Dorian (no it’s not). You might remember me from similar threads, as The one that got away (
general-questions/the-one-that-got-away ... 97216.html)
I’m 30 years, getting back in the ol’ dating game after a long-term relationship.
I figured I make this thread instead of a lot of small once, I’ll write both scenarios that happened to me (IRL and text) and general questions for those scenarios. Hopefully you can help me find where and how I can improve my game.
If you have background questions please ask. Now let’s get started with a little story I like to call:
The best game I ever had in my life …
Yesterday I was out of town visiting a friend for a birthday picnic. We were playing games, drinking, getting drunk and boozing it up. Around 30ish people or so. After a while this insanely beautiful and cool girl shows up, mid 20s, free spirited style. The kind of girl you would expect on the arm of a pro-surfer. (Cute girls respond well to me, but I’m usually a bit much of a dork for the cool girls)
After a while she sits down close to me and I initiate contact with her, and her friend. I make some jokes, tease them a bit, give her a nickname. Everybody is kind of drifting around the picnic, and I flirt a bit with another girl as well. I get into the flow and even invite a separate group of girls to join our games (they were all cute from afar - yiikes!). I see the girl looking at me from time to time when I’m in a conversation with others, I don’t look over more than once or twice, when I catch her looking at me and maintain eye contact. I feel something there, I might have a chance. My wingman shrugs and say “suuuuuuuure you do" rolling his eyes.
She and I end up next to each other and have a really intellectual and passionate discussion, but I keep teasing her in between. And I start to feel that I might actually have a shot with this girl. I still struggle with the feeling that some women just are simply out of my league. Luckily this night I would prove myself wrong.
Some 8-10 people go back to this guys place for an after party, including me an her. Everyone starts dancing, which a not my element. So I go out on the balcony and have a smoke. She shortly joins me and we resume our talk. Every time someone else joins us she goes back in and dance, when I'm alone again, she comes back. Now I know I have a chance. The booze and the cigarettes are at the balcony, forming some sort of unholy cool girl-trap. She’ll be coming back to me, over and over, so I can just sit and wait. (I do dance a little bit to show her my sweet ass dance moves).
I move closer to her and start escalating the kino, ever so slowly. Touching her leg, poking her, letting out fingers touch as we pass the cigarette. I take her phone number, so I can follow up on a book she’s reading. She kind of hesitates with the number and get real nervous (in the end giving me the wrong number). I’m not really sure what to make of it, but I figured nervous = IOI.
She also tells me she’s gonna visit my town late June and need a place to crash. I offer her to sleep on my bathroom rug in exchange for packing all my shit (I’ll be in the middle of a move). After a while we sit snuggled up together, she leaning against me. Time for kiss close! Only now these fucking people at the party won’t leave us alone on this fucking 1,5 sqm balcony. They keep coming, one leaving, one joining - cockblocking the shit out of me. I try to get eye contact with them to give them a hint, but everyone is just too drunk.
I want to kiss this girl so fucking bad, she’s caressing my thigh and holding my hand. When she’s talking to someone else I quickly text my wingman “Get these fucking people out of here!!!”. After awhile he comes and gets them to go inside. As soon as the last dude turns his back, we’re making out. Reeeeaaaallly nice passionate make-out too, not some slobbering drunk kissing.
Right now I’m in la-la-land. Wouldn't have dreamed of it ending like this when I first saw her. But why stop there, right? We make out for 15-20 minutes, and it's getting cold as fuck on the balcony, and the party is dying down and people leaving.
So I say “Well since you’re crashing at my place in june, it's not more than fair I crash at your place tonight”. (wink, wink)
Turns out she is also from out of town, staying with her mother. I’m sleeping on my friend's couch in his tiny apartment. I just figure I have to solve that practical problem...somehow. If I want to see this girl ever again I need to fuck her tonight, and fuck her thoroughly.
We keep making out a bit and I whisper in her ear
“You have no idea how much I wanna fuck you right now”. This would not be something I normally say, but I’m working on being a bit more sexually aggressive, vocal about my desire, rather than trying to hide it. Women respond to that (right - Heywood?)
It just backfires, BIG TIME. She starts ranting, “Why does it have to be sex, can't it just be this, bla bla bla”, I cut her off quickly. I know I can’t backpaddle, it might be a shit test, I can’t push it either. So I say, still playful, “First of all it wasn't a question or an offer. Merely a statement of fact. Chill out, you’re thinking to much. Don't make this more then it is.”. We make out again. And she says “Just so you know I’m not going to fuck you!”, I reply “Wow, wow, wow! WHO said anything about fucking, slow it down gurl.” and star tickling her playfully instead. Then resume make out.
I don’t know if this counts as LMR, but I never encountered something like this before. If i kiss a girl I’m all up inside her guts shortly after. I underestimated the situation, and how it differs from a date (which is my strong game). I’m in somewhat uncharted territory.
I feel this girl starting to slip through my fingers so I get a bit desperate, one could even say….needy (oh nooooees!). I try to investigate the option of coming home with her to her moms. No go! So I back down abit. Everybody is leaving and we do to, and I walk with her friend and my wingman to the subway.
I almost given up, but she kind of brushes up against me and I slow her down so our friends go on ahead. We start making out like crazy, I push her up against a parked car. Put my hands inside her jeans and squeeze her ass (how am I ever gonna forget that ass?), my hands under her shirt squeezing her tits. So I go for it. Slowly move my hand down into her panties, but she yanks it away quickly. So obviously we can’t fuck there, and we have nowhere to go. I feel the whole thing falling apart.
We catch up with our friends and they’re pissed we missed the subway. I try to get her to take me with her to her mom's again. I got nothing to lose at this point, tomorrow I will be “some guy she made out with”, I got to try to close this shit. But she won’t. So I tell my friend we’re going home and he orders a cab.
The taxi stops like 100 m away, and I kiss her goodbye and start walking, but I don’t let go of her hand (this actually worked for me once before). She follows me all the way to the taxi. And I’m thinking holy shit, she’s actually coming with me. But as we’re about to get in, she loosens her hand, kisses me and says “Talk to you tomorrow”. (might as well have said: fuck you, i hope you die).
I get in the taxi and ask my friend
"Did you ever think I was actually gonna make out with that girl?"
"Not in a million years...Good for you, dude..."
Today I will text her (i got the right nr) a casual, fun text with a bit of an inside joke (she had a tab for all the cigarettes she stole from me - so that needs to be squared). See if she replies. I figured I might keep up some flirty texting and get a new chance in june. It’s a hell of a long shot. But why not try.
Lets call this
CASE: Surfergirl
1. What do you think of the texting approach?
2. Give me feedback on my game! Why did I fuck fail?
CHAT
" (She's supposed to bring it)