So I've been hooking up with this guy for about a month. I was cool with this at first because I had just gotten out of a 4 year long relationship but as time progressed I realized this just "hooking up" isn't for me. He asked if he could come hold me and so I told him I didn't want to become someone who just stays in the house and that we needed to explore beyond his four walls.

His response was, "I understand what you're saying. Well said"

Uhhh what?

He's obviously not a mind reader and so he simply agreed. What response were you expecting from him anyway?

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Either no or something along those lines to say he just isn't up to that because he just wants sex or some indicator that he's up for going out.

His response to me seemed like he was brushing me off.

You created this dynamic and now you want to change the rules because it doesn't feel right anymore. If I were in his place, I would probably give you the exact same answer and attempt to keep things pretty much the same way.

If he were asking for advice about you coming to him like this, I would praise him for what he did already and if he were happy with your arrangement and you changed things it would be time for him to find someone else.

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So what you're saying is you wouldn't just be direct and honest with the girl? Got it.

No, I'm saying that I'd acknowledge what you said and if you truly were not happy I'd let you go. Too many times women feel one way on Monday and another way by Wednesday. Convincing you and/or going along with it may not be the best route. Just like you trying to convince him didn't get a response that you wanted.

How real life works, words become reality. If he said that he only wants to hook up, you'd stick to your guns and say no...but you all of a sudden you get horny, he's the last guy that gets the call because he drew the line in the sand.

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Why not just be upfront and say, "hey I'm only looking for..." or "I don't want anything serious" instead of just acknowledging? To me that's not direct.

So using a girl for sex is that important that you'll give an ambiguous answer to keep the door open just in case?

If I'm understanding what you're telling me correctly then I'm sorry but that's incredibly gross.

Hold on...it only turned gross when you discovered that you wanted something different. You agreed to the original concept and then added an ultimatum. You could have easily kept it from becoming gross if you stood for what you are saying you believe in.

It's easy. Don't put him on the spot because you're trying to change your status with him. You have been having sex with him...you could have said that you wanted to go out and do something with him. You guys are close enough for you to say that.

Look. You came to a pickup forum to figure things out and your getting answers from a pickup perspective. If you value directness, find a guy that will give it to you when you ask him something. If you don't understand the answer, be direct and ask for clarification.

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No I'm saying that a guy who avoids being upfront to leave the door open is incredibly gross. You don't think that's a messed up thing to do?

That's like the equivalent to a guy spending loads of money on a girl that he really likes and she just wants him for his money so she leaves the door open just in case she's wants him to spend money on her again in a few months. Again, gross.

I have no problem with a girl using a guy for money because it's his responsibility to understand that he's being used. Just as him not being direct with you being nothing but a fuck buddy because all the signs are there and you are looking for it to be something else.

I'm being like one of your friends trying to tell you that you shouldn't be trying to hold him to being responsible when you have complete and absolute control over the situation, but like most people... It's hard to accept the responsibility.

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Generally speaking, men are direct. If you want a direct answer from men, there's absolutely no need for a vague statement/question. Honestly, if a girl gave me this statement: "I didn't want to become someone who just stays in the house and that we needed to explore beyond your four walls." I'll probably say, "Okay. Let's go to the pool and fuck there. Then we'll try the rooftop later."

If you asked something like: "I think this kind of set up is no longer working for me. I want something more. Are you ready to take this to the next level?" You'll probably get more direct answers, such as:

1. No.
2. Yes.
3. Let me think about it.

But of course, if you offered a lot more to the dude other than your pussy, then he's more likely to say, "Yes." If you're just giving him pussy, don't expect much.

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Thanks. I thought I was being somewhat direct. Usually going out=stepping up, but I hear what you're saying. We've only had sex twice and he made dinner for my birthday. The next day after I said this to him he sent me a text saying he hopes that I'm having a good day at work. It's just very weird. I just got back from a trip so the next time I see him I'll be more direct.

OP a man who just wants sex wont send you that. He couldn't give a crap about you having a good day or not. I think his response was just him acknowledging you wanting to go on dates , the well said (now that he's sent you this text) was him agreeing. Again if was opposed to going on dates with you he would've gone silent, try his luck down the road to get sex from you, or told you no instead of saying this to you the very next day.

To me this guy just seems maybe a little timid or odd. My guess is he's slightly an odd ball, who says "well said" to something like that? lol.

Seems like a good sign OP.

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