Hi guys,

After a while of lurking on the forums,I decided to register on the forums as I need some advice. I feel like a complete AFC, but the advice would be on an old friend: oneitis.

So I met this girl a while ago and started spending some time with each other. We went on a couple of dates together, had a fun time and things were going progressing well. We kissed, had sex and met each other about once a week.

I think I am doing a pretty good job at the dating phase generally. I'm not an expert, but I could be doing worse. As things were developing, we got into the more serious phase where I lack a lot of experience. I'm not the one to devote a lot of time establishing and maintaining contact with a girl (simply because I do not really care), which usually results in her liking me and not the other way around.

This time however I really enjoyed spending time with her and wouldn't mind getting more serious with her. In the meantime she wasn't dating other guys and I was dating another girl. However it was me who brought up the exclusivity (shouldn't have done that, I know), which she accepted but in hindsight with a bit hesitation.

After a week or so she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship and preferred a friendship (look, another old friend) and that she thought I was having more feelings than her and didn't want to hurt me. That sucked of course, and we didn't have contact the two weeks after. I decided to review the situation and came to the conclusion I messed up. I wasn't a walk-over, but I certainly wasn't a challenge anymore either.

So about two weeks later (last week) we decided to meet up for drinks, things were going well and she ended up staying the night at my place again.

This Thursday we decided to meet up again and go to the movies (which is right next to my place, so maybe a bit boring but logistically perfect). However she has texted me saying that "it probably wouldn't be a good idea to spend the night again" as that "wouldn't match with the friendship idea". Second to that she has to get up at around 6am for a job interview (which is true by the way).

So we are right now, and I am not too sure what to do next. My initial thought is to play it cool on Thursday, go to the movies and then part ways. After that break contact for about two weeks, try to have dinner at her place (she still owes me one) and try to escalate from that point.

As you probably all know oneitis tends to blur your judgment a little, so any thoughts are really welcome.

Thanks!

You already blew the whistle with the relationship thing. She doesn't want feelings to be involved for whatever reason and you do.

It really doesn't matter how you 'play it' as long as you're not on the same wave length. But this is complete bullshit. She says she wants to be friends but she spends the night in your bed? Friends don't sleep in my bed. Girls with whom I have sex with do.

If I were you I'd simply let her know that you can't turn something that was born out of attraction and passion into something platonic. You're not friends, you never were friends. Men and women don't become close without there being a spark between them.
So if she's not up for a relationship and you can handle being fwb's, then be that. But please don't accept being "just friends" while having the hidden agenda of slowly turning it around. That's just wrong and it's why 95% of guys fail miserably.

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+1

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You are a wise man, R.C. Helps a lot, thanks!

I'm not sure exactly what you mean when you say you have "oneitis" in regards to whether you wanted a relationship, or if you just wanted to have her around

I can say this: perhaps this is one of the best things that could happen to you.

You feel what it is like to have someone you really care(d) for come and go without much regard for your feelings

You may feel like as if you hit rock bottom, and the great thing about this is that it forces you to have to start over; to find yourself as a person and regain groundedness within yourself.

The last girl that did this to me cut me deep emotionally and come to find out really didn't care for me whatsoever. However, after the heartache was gone i realized a lot about myself and what I wanted in a woman. Perhaps this may happen for you.

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PUA Maxim: Leave the woman better than you found her.

What happen here? Did you guys sleep in the same bed? Did you try anything at all?

You're playing this incredibly too nice. Which in essence just means you're being timid because you don't want to mess things up. Meaning your afraid of her and don't want to lose her.. Meaning she could never respect you.. Meaning she could never see you as anything other than a "friend"... Which in all actuality means just someone to fulfill her emotional needs while she builds herself into someone capable of attracting the guy she wants. You're acting as a stepping stone.

I'd flake on the movie date and move on. You'll only be digging yourself into a deeper hole. Drop her. You do that, and she may or may not come running back, but you'll be better man for it and girls of her quality will be more in reach than they were before you dropped her. Sometimes you have to take one step back to take three steps forward. See that as this.

You're currently behind her on a one way street trying to get ahead. Reverse and pick a new street.

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