I'm not talking about first / second dates here. Say you've been on a few dates already. Sometimes you ask her out, sometimes she asks you, etc.

Now assuming you invite her to a movie / bowling / walk / drink, whatever, and she flakes, how do you usually act? Here's my snippet:

Me: "Everybody swarms the gym in May. This is incredible. I actually envy you for ditching today"
Her: "I know. It's been like that for weeks."
Her: "I'm evolving roots watching some show."
Me: "That absolutely horrendous sci-fi?"
Her: "hahah, exactly"
Me: "Yeah. Fuck this. Hitting the showers and then I'm out. Let's catch a movie, there's some cool comedy at Cinema City @ 22:40."
Me: "We can eat popcorn and get fat together. Fun times."
Her: "nooo I'm really tired and wanna get some sleep today"

Left it off at that. Convo happened at 21:00 give or take a few mins. Now my question is, what do?
Do I just tell her "it's fine, some other time then." or do I not respond and lay some pressure on her? She's getting kind of lazy lately and it's starting to annoy me. I mean you're 24, act like it.
We live really close to each other so logistics are not a problem.
I know some of you will say it's rather last minute but that's how we've always done it. Lately though she's been acting like a couch potato and it's not sexy.

I need her to understand she's losing me if this keeps going on. It's not the first time this kind of flake has happened and I'm starting to feel as if I'm chasing after her.

_________________
If you wanna survive you have to be willing to die.

If she was really losing you, you wouldn't have to say it. Your behavior would already naturally reflect that and she would make the necessary adjustments. You're putting up with it, tolerating it and sticking around for it. What on earth do you expect her to do? Give up comfort when there is no consequence for not doing so?

You want her to believe it, you have to first believe it yourself. If a girl didn't want to see me, I wouldn't have to say she's going to lose me if she doesn't see me soon; my behavior would naturally reflect that if its authentic. Yours is reflecting that you're willing to deal with more of it.

So who are you trying to convince, us, her or yourself?

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I'm already convinced. My question is in regards to calibration. Adjusting behaviors can easily lead to fuckups if overdone, and as a "newbie" I'm should be quite predisposed to that.

_________________
If you wanna survive you have to be willing to die.

Ghost,

My point is..

If she is really about to lose you if she doesn't shape up, why does it matter?

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Eddie is quite right. Good thing you mentioned she asks you out too. I'm gonna assume you almost always accept right?

I'm what you'd call a "party" person. And it comes with ups and downs. Yesterday for example I went to work, then the gym, then kickbox training and finally out for drinks. I was up for 20 hours straight, got home faceplanted drunk at 3 am and went to sleep. Then a girl I'm seeing texted me at 6:45 asking if I wanna get some coffee with her for a couple of hours before work.
I went.

Point is, I've always been like this. If I have 30 free minutes and an opportunity, I'll make something of it. But this caused some serious issues in my dating life a while back. The point of that story is that if she knows you'll be available for her most of the time, exactly as Eddie said, why would she sacrifice comfort? It's fine, she'll just ask you out tomorrow and you can see each other then.


OP it's important that you understand she does not do this on a conscious level. Think of it as referential experience. It's happened in the past so it most likely will happen in the future. Same applies if you shift your behavior a bit. If you start becoming less available to her, she's start responding by being more available to you.


Regardless of whether your 'availability' comes from neediness (aka sacrificing already made plans for her - which btw, never do) or as a consequence of being a naturally upbeat guy, you will have to calibrate yourself. Become less available to her. She'll be back chasing in no time.

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Because if her arriving in the position of having to shape up is a result of my behavior, that's something I need to work on.

_________________
If you wanna survive you have to be willing to die.

Yeah this actually makes sense. I guess I'm a little bit too willing to see her. I need to calibrate myself a bit.

You guys are right. Thanks for the invaluable advice, as always.

_________________
If you wanna survive you have to be willing to die.

Read your signature man.

If you want her to shape up, you have to be willing to lose her. And until you're willing to do so, this is just something you'll have to put up with from women who are prone to it. You either learn to walk away from these women and never look back no matter what, so that you train yourself to naturally produce the frame that will keep these types of women from this behavior or you only deal with active outgoing women.

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