I swear to god I am thoroughly disgusted by anyone who ever does this. And then I went ahead and did it.

I'm seeing a girl for a few weeks now. We see each other quite often, almost daily, since we go to the same gym and she always tags along. Then we usually stop for coffee / food / a walk / the mall / a movie, whatever. Sometimes we even skip the gym entirely and just go on "instadates". Of sorts.

We walk around hand in hand, kiss, make-out, all that. We didn't have sex yet though. I really don't get this part. She's been at my place a couple of times, but when it gets hot she'll say something along the lines of "Keep dreaming" and pulls back. She does it in a cheeky way with a smirk on her face. It doesn't REALLY phase me since I've been escalating further and further each time. Only problem is it's going a bit slower than I would've initially expected. Anyway, other than that she's very affectionate towards me, initiates conversations regularly, has no problem hanging out with me & my roommates / friends, etc.

My fuckup was getting drunk on Thursday. My phone is in service because it had a semi-fatal accident, so she offered to lend me her spare, which I accepted because mine wasn't working too well. So being drunk I decided I was gonna log on SPAM and talk to a side-girl and see how she's doing. And I did, except she forgot to log off hers'. Doesn't really make sense since SPAM syncs to the number and not the phone but for some god forsaken reason her account was insync and that + me being drunk... well, I fucking opened a conversation she had with a guy I remember her talking about. The timestamp was on 15th of april, which is pretty much about when we started getting close and 'more serious'. At the same time it's also about when she got her new phone, so who knows.
Thankfully I didn't go full retard and only read the onscreen texts. I did not scroll to any degree. Even as drunk as I was it still felt horribly wrong and goes against my core principles. But I can't unsee what I did see, so yeah. Basically she seemed pissed at the guy and said something along the lines of "I really like you but it's as if if I don't contact you you never do". That's all I can remember. It looked like an argument. Not necessarily the types simple friends have.

I know she's been at his place a couple of times before but I always assumed it was friendly, because we openly talked about our "side-projects" when we were in our pre-dating, flirting stages. Anyway, I felt a bit backstabbed but that may have been the alcohol. Didn't really have a problem with it in the morning and we even met for coffee and then spent quite some time at my place. She was the one to ask for the meetup. Escalated further like I previously said. She even asked how many girls I've slept with. We had that conversation a couple of months ago on a drunken night out with common friends but it's highly unlikely she remembers. Her number was the same then as it was now. 7. So there's that. Pretty good for a smoking hot 23yo like herself.

Problem is I don't know how to act. We're not exclusive, so everything is fair game. At the same time I'm escalating more and more each time we meet. We get along great and always have fun. But should being ok with possible competition affect my behavior on the offchance of that competition actually being real?

Should I stay un-phased and act as if it never happened? Do I completely ignore the other guy's existence and keep doing what I've been doing? Do I ghost on her for a while and see if she starts chasing more?

The first 2 options are my plan, but I'm open to suggestions from the more experienced guys. Had someone suggest I ghost, but it feels very reactive and would make no sense at all since she has no clue I read that bit of info.

I'm glad you realize just how wrong and pathetic it is to go through her privacy. I understand you were "a victim of circumstance" so to speak, but don't let it happen again. We all do stupid shit when drunk, but it's still stupid shit.

Anyway, you have a healthy attitude. You still have a few things to work on but you're on the right path. I say that mainly because I'm happy with the fact that out of your listed options, "confronting her about it" was not one of them. Also the fact that you understand and embrace competition.

In regards to whether or not you should step your game up, the answer is no. But that's because your game should always be up, regardless if there is confirmed competition or hypothetical competition. Whatever you do, do not bring the guy up. If she does, brush it off immediately. He does not exist.

I agree with ghosting being reactive. Keep doing what you've been doing. From what you describe things are moving forward.
Being hot, 23 and having slept with only 7 guys is pretty much all you need to know in regards to why she's not fucking your eyes out just yet.

Keep doing you OP. You're clearly knocking it out of the park.

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Like I said, it goes against my core principles. I hate myself for doing it. Feel like I let myself down. She had her facebook saved on my phone for weeks and the idea never even crossed my mind.
It was an honest mistake. But when I got myself in that situation my drunk ass couldn't handle the temptation.

Anyway, thank you for the words of encouragement. I've read your guide and been applying it with this particular girl. I'll have a cold beer in your name after I have sex with her. The "us" mentality thing is genius.

One more question. When is it ok to start complementing her on her looks / body? I'm not big on giving compliments, specially the type she hears daily from your average chodes.

You should not be thinking and timing out compliments. If she appears in some skin tight, low cut skirt that she whipped up just for a date between you two, say what first comes to you. I am sure it will be something at least somewhat flattering and she will know it is genuine because she went through the trouble for that reaction.

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You're asking about REACTING to some new information that you weren't even suppose to see? Are you kidding me? What would you have done had you not seen any of this? You're being a reaction to her life?

Cut it out dude.

You're about to fuck yourself.

And don't blame the alcohol. It only makes it easier to do the things you want to do anyway.

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I didn't blame the alcohol. It's entirely my fault. Drinks had some influence on my will power though. Whatever, it's not an excuse anyway and it doesn't change the end result. I just wish I had more control.

But yeah, thanks for putting things into perspective. I was asking about reacting and did not realize it. So like R.C said, keep doing what I'm doing?

What would you have done had you not seen it?

Do that.

YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSE TO SEE IT.

You're being emotional and reactive. Thats for women. And I know its hard because you're caught up in it now, but I want to get if it to you in a way to inspire the masculine to rise up from inside of you.

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+1. She's still investing time into you, so changing what you've currently been doing is a ridiculous notion.

Here's the only lesson that you learn from this. Most hot girls are talking to another guy(s) in some fashion until the point that exclusivity is determined and possibly stringing some along during a relationship.

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I'm aware. I'm just surprised it's that guy. He doesn't seem to be her type. We play football every week, he sometimes joins so I kind of know him. Guess I'll have to break his legs next game.
Kidding.

Thanks for the advice guys. You're right.

If she was to look through your phone right now, would you be worried?

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What does this even mean? More importantly, why does it matter?

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Means I'd have guessed he's friendzoned. And no, it doesn't matter.
Yeah.

Only thing I would add is to not replay this information in your head. It's like poison. just be aware of when these thoughts come creeping in and snip it in the bud. Or you're looking at an express ticket to afc ville.

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Despite the jealousy and privacy thing you found out she wasn't being honest with you. She's not your gf but if you expected her to tell you that she was seeing this guy and she didn't now you know she isn't being completely honest with you.

I didn't expect her to. She doesn't owe me anything dude. For all I know there may be nothing going on there at all. 1 text isn't much to go on. Plus the convo was a month ago when we barely started getting closer.

It doesn't matter either way. I don't feel any 'resentment' or similar things towards her.