I'll try and keep it short, have some of the pros analyze this.

He's dating a girl from our workplace. They've been at it for about 5-6 months now. She broke up with her 5 year LTR and then got with him soon after. They're having sex, meeting regularly, etc. I've been as good of a wingman as possible and provided multiple opportunities, which he took.

The problem is she doesn't know I know. She doesn't want anyone at work to find out either although she's not keen on it, but would rather avoid it if possible.
He says she's very affectionate towards him when they're together but she always refuses his invites to go out with his / her friends.
On the other hand, she always calls him to meet at her place. Panics whenever he takes away some attention from her, asks him what's wrong and why he isn't talking to her, etc.
She initiates over 80% of their interactions, and shows obvious signs of attraction to him when we're hanging out together. Aka constant teasing, always sits next to him, all that good stuff.

To me it seems obvious she's not over her ex, and as long as she doesn't show herself with my friend publicly, in her world it's not official and she doesn't have to deal with it. She's stalling. Taking all the benefits from a relationship without committing to one.

I told him to either downgrade her to a fuck buddy and keep having sex, but find someone else if a relationship is his goal.
or
Stop investing so much time and effort into this and make himself busy. Focus on what he likes doing and do things abstract of her for an entire week. Ignore her texts and only talk is she calls him and even then - keep his frame. That should help clear his head and give him some perspective.

He can't just lay around waiting for her to make a decision. So distancing & working on himself for the upcoming period is what I'd do. Once she knows he won't wait around indefinitely, she'll have no choice but to deal with it. Then again that's just me, so feel free to express yourselves, but please do.

I dont think this situation calls for any tactics or freeze outs or anything like that. I think your friend just needs to talk to her and speak honestly. Relationships are a two way street, and if one person isnt investing enough then that needs to be discussed. He needs to tell her how it makes him feel. If she cares for him she should listen. It may end up with them calling things off of course, but at least thats a step forward in his own life. If she wants to stay stuck in the past thats her choice, but she shouldnt expect someone else to keep her company there.

He gets to bang her in private without anyone having to know? He doesn't have to go out with her? Just to her house to bang and then he can go out with his bros? I don't see what the problem is lol.


What got you in involved? You sound more invested into his situation than him.

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He did talk a few weeks ago. She gave him the "I am not sure what I want, I don't want to rush into anything and end up dissapointing you, it's a tough period" speech. She also told him about her ex contacting her and causing confusion.

So yeah, she shouldn't expect him to wait around. And he will have this conversation with her, but the "freeze out" is not directed at her. It's directed at him. He needs a time off to clear his head first. It's hard to make smart decisions when emotionally distressed.

The problem is he wants a relationship, not a fuckbuddy-relationship-hybrid-thing.
Like I said, we're friends. We talk, swap ideas, you know how it is. Plus we're pretty much on the same levels when it comes to women. Not great, but not bad either.

I was involved from the start. We met her, he said she was cute, so I offered to wing. It worked out great. Then he returned the favor with a girl I took a liking to and the result was just as good. So naturally we've been talking about it ever since.
This however is not such a trivial situation so having your guys' perspective can't hurt.

He's a rebound. A good one at that. What I mean by it is this situation occurs when a girl is not completely over the ex, but starts catching strong feelings for the new guy.

Just tell the dude to put his own needs first. She wants to half ass a relationship, he doesn't. 6 months is enough of a wait time. They don't have compatible views and that's fine. I'm in on the 1 week plan. It will help the guy clear his head and it will give the girl a slight idea of what losing him feels like.

After that, if she decides to follow his lead, perfect. Have him buy you a celebration beer. If everything falls apart, continue being a good friend/wing and all will be fine in no time.

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