Howdy, this is my first post!

I've browsed for a while but finally got the urge to add a new topic not already created.

Been working as a sports head coach and had one of the assistants eyeing me the first month or so. We were texting and she was all giggles throughout this.

Then... I went and brought up a subject that made her uncomfortable inviting her and her boyfriend to go out with the other coaches for drinks. At this point she pointed out they were now on "break"... I was mostly unaware there was a boyfriend as she never mentioned it and seemed surprised that I even knew she had one. I told her the day she text me that that I'd get her wine and she said it sounded awesome. I gave it to her a day or two later before she was heading out to have a girls evening with a cousin. Then after that... She slowly got more and more cold.

Did I dig a pit too deep here? She does occasionally turns off her coldness when we are at the workouts coaching alone or cleaning up and she'll start laughing and smiling around me again.

I also have a 2nd assistant coach that is female but not our age and its a team of boys we coach...

So inappropriate but I've been having fun figuring her out! Any thoughts?

First off welcome,

Some input I would like to throw out is, don't build a relationship over text, its a waste of time and not worth the trouble. Texting should be short and to the point and used to set up real conversations and dates. She wants to talk to you about something big? Tell her this sounds more important than what text can offer and you should meet up for coffee to talk about it.

You made a huge mistake mentioning her boyfriend. Unless she brings up the topic of boyfriend you should never even talk about it, you should focus instead on living in the moment with her and that in turn will be more fun. You should have just invited her to come along with you and the other coaches for a drink, if she then brought up the boyfriend you could have cut him out of the picture by saying it was just the coaches.

Right now you are just another afc to her and you need to make her commit to you not the other way around.

next time she isn't feeling so cold jokingly and lightheartedly ask her about why she seems so cold. Keep it lighthearted and play down (while showing that her reasons make sense even if they don't) and she will realize she is being stupid about the whole situation. Reframe her reasons for being cold.

one last word of advice. Be careful not to get into trouble with the fact you are in a higher position of power at work.

Good luck.

Amen to the careful note.

From a 1st person perspective its a bit rough to figure, but the way you put it makes the big picture a lot more clear. I've been out of any game for a good year now focusing on work and such is likely why.

I actually roundabout approached the topic when we were happy after a competition and cleaning up this week. She was surprised I thought she was being so cold was all I received back. Kept it all playful and light humored otherwise joking about cleanup stuff. The next day as a coach I had to bring up the large amount of negativity toward athletes too and challenged her to be positive for a day. Seemed like positive results thus far. Not too happy mixing personal/work on the subject but couldn't skip on work priorities either keeping a positive learning environment.

I'd believe I need to re-establish myself next. Considering NLP runs since I worked on that a bunch a couple years ago.

Don't shit were you eat!

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Seconded.

If you can create this opportunity with her, BY DEFINITION you can create similar opportunities with multitudes of women. You just have to go up to them.