A friend of mine (girl HB8 came round my house last week) told me afterwards she really liked me etc. She knows I have depression and health anxiety etc. She agreed to come round for a film night the following night but I bailed on her as I got too anxious that she may be HIV positive as her previous boyfriend was a drug user (heavy).

I was nearly at the point of vomitting. She kept texting me and sending me messages on facebook asking if I was home yet, and my friend failed to calm me down so I told her I was ill, perhaps due to anxiety etc. She understood and was very nice about it. Since then we've arranged to do things and I haven't followed up properly each time therefore we haven't actually seen each other since the first 'date'. I invited her round Sunday night after I was meant to meet up with her at a festival but I bailed, and she agreed, but didn't hear from her. then again last night I invited her round, and apologised for my keen-ness I said my last two relationships ended from a lack of effort on my part (they didn't.) She said I wasn't trying too hard she's just bad with her phone (she isn't) and that perhaps we should go for a drive tonight up the hill. I said okay, as long as you don't take me dogging... And then she hasn't even read the imessage. I'm not gonna chase her up on it, I'm just gonna see what my friends are doing and go out with them tonight, leave it a few days and give her a ring and organise something.

Is that what you guys would suggest? I've had a real ordeal with depression the last year and despite being on meds and feeling somewhat better I'm prone to setbacks making me bedbound - the only momentary cure being the gym.

Where to even start with this...

Obviously the HIV thing is a bit overboard. Did you accuse her of this?

She sounds into you. She keeps pushing to see you, but you're not being overly accessible.

Your subject line says it all... I mean, you know what you've done wrong here - if you even wanted to sleep with her to begin with.

What would I suggest? I'd suggest that if you want something with this girl, you make an effort. I'm sorry you suffer from depression, but that's not a trump card excuse you can use every time you back-burner this girl.

Sooner or later, she will walk away. If you really want her, you will have to see her. Other than that, there's no option. The girl seems more than interested. She's even blaming herself for being "not good on phone" when the truth is you're the one who is pushing her away. I repeat, this girl will leave you sooner or later if you don't react and go out with her. If you don't want this to happen, you have to make a move as soon as possible.

I did really want to see her. I invited her round each time, we planned for her to come round last week almost every night since about Wednesday and I didn't make it clear that I wanted her round so she didn't come. The last time she nearly came was Friday when there was just miscommunication. I tried to get her round Saturday after that festival but she didn't answer her phone, I tried to do similar Sunday too after she agreed to come round in the day however didn't answer her phone at night. I didn't hear from her regarding that drive we were going to go on Tuesday so I just left it for now until I figure out what to do. Shall I suggest dinner on Sunday or is that too formal? Also should I phone her?

I'm always the one initiating conversation etc and arranging to meet up, however I'm starting to figure out this is the usually the case with girls. Would you agree?


I seem to have lost a lot of her interest in the last week.

Thanks for all the advice guys.

Ya man, call her up and tell her you're sorry you have had a tough time connecting lately... Let's fix that - and suggest whatever.

Then commit to yourself to stick to it.

Okay mate, she flaked on me Tuesday and we haven't spoken since Monday, when shall I phone her? Today seems a bit soon? She put something on facebook like the only man I need in my life is my brother but I know this is mostly about her ex boyfriend as he's upset her a few times.

You're overthinking. You don't need our help on every single step.

Call her whenever is convenient for you. Today is fine. Tomorrow is fine.

You can PM me if you'd like, as well.

Thanks mate. Just tried to phone her, she's on facebook chat so I'm feeling pretty shit about the no answer.

hey mate normally now is the time you'd back off and let her come to you, but I had a situation before where I used to talk to the girl all day everyday (I got to comfortable and thought I didn't need game) anyway she went 100% cold and it was well past time for me to back off, but sent 1 last text saying Hey I just wondered if everything is ok we haven't talked that much lately and I hope everything is well and cut off contact there.

I knew she wouldn't respond to it, but I knew it would eat at her and about a week later she started liking all my posts on fb then it went to her commenting to eventually trying to talk to me.

Anyway point of the story is you could just back off and let her come to you, but I think in your case it wouldn't be a horrible idea to send a text of that nature tailored to your situation that will eat at her moreso than you just not talking to her, but only do that provided you haven't blown up her phone already.

Hope that helps good luck!