Ok, so I met a woman last January and was seeing her until this January (2014). She's 10 years older than me I'm 26. I don't need any "what are you doing with a 36 year old?" comments, she's an awesome chick!

Anyway so we were in a pretty good relationship although we both had money issues and I didn't have a car so we couldn't do as much as we wanted, so I am sure that that played some part in our break up.

So, last September I started college and was going to be going to uni this September and would have meant moving away. I hadn't really thought about it thoroughly and just assumed that we would make it work somehow or she would move with me. We ended up breaking up over that really (or that was the excuse). She wanted to settle down and not move about as her last relationship she waited around a lot for her husband to do courses all over the place. We broke up on pretty good terms and she knows how much I care about her. Break up was a bit weird as I work with her a few times a week.

She has recently been on a couple of dates which she told me about (not in detail) and I have no reason to disbelieve her as I know if the guy. He is older than her, and in a job he's done for years. Deffo has more money than me. And a car!

So, we work together. She flirts with me all day. Lots of touching etc. she made the mistake of telling me how hard it is because she is always comparing me to this guy. She also made the mistake nearly crying when I said I was thinking of leaving the job. She is very hot and cold though. One minute she is all over me, then she'll just leave work without saying bye or anything. I always thought she was pretty transparent but i think she knows how to pull my strings.

I notice she is much more attentive if she knows I'm going out or doing something fun. We'll hit a certain level of flirting and then she goes cold.

Anyway, she has full control really and she holds the balance of power. She gets the best of both worlds. Me at work and this guy whenever she sees him. (Don't know how often). I also get to have fun but not sure how much impact that has on her.

I have in the past few months said things that I regret saying with regards to how I feel about her. Which has probably only given her more power.

Question is, how do I regain the balance of power and put doubt in her mind about her current thing with this guy? I don't really want an ethics lesson because I am fully aware of what I want and like I said, she isn't exactly getting a raw deal here. Trouble is, she is quite a moral woman so I can't see escalating much further than I already have. I gave her a shoulder massage the other day but I stopped because I was being weak and didn't want her to stop me.

Anyway! Thanks for reading! Any help would be much appreciated!

Jet

_________________
"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."

She's stringing you along (ish). She's hoping you'll get greater value, but this other guy is better than you in her eyes.

You owe her nothing. You are a single man.

Go after other women, and game this one too.

If you invest only in her, she will feel that, and she will know she owns you.


Mostly, improve your life. This guy currently outclasses you. Unless he's a total wimp, she won't ever want to leave him for you.

But seriously, why date a girl way outside of her prime? Do you have an old woman fetish?

Although I appreciate what you are saying, that isn't really answering my question. I am gaming other girls all the time, relatively successfully. I am asking how I should game her.

And while I am happy in myself, i was happy with her and we broke up because of events that didn't even happen. I have enjoyed being single. I've had lots of fun! But I'm still going to try and fire into her.

Anyway thanks for the input

_________________
"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."

imo,
1) try to make more money, lol :D:D:
2) like prev comment said, you're single and owe her nothing, also, if you're dating other women, she may want you more

_________________
staaahp.com

I'm sorry, I don't think I am being clear enough.

I know I don't owe her anything. Whatever you even mean by that!
Nor am not asking for financial advice as believe it or not, I realise I would be in a better position with more money.

I am asking for game techniques that I could be using in this situation. Nothing more, nothing less. If you don't have any then that is fine, but you don't have to tell me what you don't know on here.

Thanks

_________________
"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."

I'm not really sure why don't believe her reason is valid, or why all the other posters said this is all about money and the other guy making more than you. It's not about that.

She clearly stated that she doesn't want to move around. Also, as pikeman said in a more douchebag way, she IS older, and while you don't care (now, at least) she probably doesn't believe you.

She's obviously had some past issues with this,and is worried you are not serious,or won't be until you are much older-and she will also be (and therefore afraid you will drop her after she invested her already "expired" years on you...I really hate that term,btw but douches like pikeman make her feel that her worth is up by age 30)


So address these issues first - her fear of you leaving her for some hot co-ed, and maybe consider not moving (if it's not a big deal to you of course). If she still doesn't want you after that, than I'm sorry, but she probably never considered it a long term thing and I'm not sure there is much "game" you can do.

You might get her back in bed occasionally, but ultimately you want different things - she wants to settle down, and you are just getting started in life. If you really care about her like you say, than let her go purse this. If she sees you gaming other girls AND decides she rather have you back instead of finding someone else to settle down, that's your best bet.

Good luck man.

Thanks for the response man. Made much more sense than the others!
I saw her today. Not sure there is much I can do.
I always get the feeling she wishes she could be with me but can't justify it. It is like she had been on dates with this guy because he fits the profile better rather than actually making her happy.
I guess I'll just have to be the fun loving mother fu*ker she loved in the first place and see if she changes her mind.

If anyone has any tips....feel free to add them

_________________
"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."

You are welcome! Been there,done that haha

I'm not in total disagreement with the others though in that I agree your best bet is to just game other women, but wanted to give you some insight into the why you should!

Take any advice with a grain of salt though, you know her better than any of us. It all works out for the best in the end -either you end up with her, or you will find someone who wants the same things as you and is in the same place!

So what if it makes her feel less valuable? It's a fact that women have less dating prospects after 30.

They know that, or at least they should. That's just reality.

It's like telling a guy he is going to be rejected by most women he talks to. Sure we could do the sweet, "Oh, you'll find the one for you!" bullshit, but that's not what we're here for. We're here for actionable solutions.

Sugar-coating doesn't help anyone.

Nobody is sugar coating it- you are just not listening. She did find someone who doesn't care she is over 30 lol and you are still telling him that is she is beneath him because of her age. You are not paying attention at all. Just because she is not someone you would spend any time on, doesn't mean he shouldn't.

I am also encouraging him to go out and game other girls, and gave some tips on how to understand why she is thinking so he can address her actual concerns if he wanted to-and being realistic it most likely won't work out. Someone disagreeing with you doesn't mean they are wrong. You telling him he must have an old lady fetish is devaluing to women in general, and definitely NOT what this community needs.

Just let her be, because the next thing you know she'll start complaining that she's nearing 40 and is not married yet, and blaming you for that.

I think dbagflower has hit the nail on the head. I specifically said I didn't need comments regarding her age, unless it is relevant.

Her age is relevant to her, not to me. so the question should be answered with her perspective in mind, like dbagflower did.

Pikeman, I know you must see it as a weakness to actually be able to spent time with someone over the age of 30, but you should probably try it some time. You might learn a few things. I mentioned her age to help answer the question but that seems to have confused you. I'm sorry.

_________________
"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."