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So you're dating a girl for a few weeks.
She starts talking about monogamy.
I really don't know how to deal with this, a few weeks to a month seems like way too fast to get into a monogamous relationship.
This has happened before, and ended with the girl trying to make me jealous by starting to date someone else, and saying he was offering her everything she wanted (he wasn't), so I, being a good person, ended things with her so she could be with the guy (who actually just wanted something casual, and broke her heart).
So now I'm dating a new girl. We're getting along well, we've been on four dates. Mostly just making out, recently a little bit more. Normally I've slept with a girl by now. She told me on our last date that she expected us to be officially dating before she sleeps with me. We've definitely got great sexual compatibility (at least from what we've done so far), and she's definitely a long term girl, but I'm not a big fan of getting into a relationship before sex. That seems reverse of what should actually go on.
How should I deal with this situation? I suppose I can tell her that I see us probably going the route of monogamy, but that I see that as a milestone to it? Her specific objection was, "How do I know you're not doing these things with other girls on another night?" - which, as I had screwed around with another girl the previous night, she was not wrong on.
Because you are giving her the dating vibe, which is because you are in fact, dating her. Women date for marriage, to screen potential providers. They hook up with guys for physical pleasure. They know that once they give up the pussy, it's game over for them: they have nothing left to their carrot and stick approach. There are no more incentives for you to stick around if you get tired. Therefore,they want to make sure you are invested first as a kind of safety deposit against you, a marriageable man who they see as such because you have the potential to be a provider, not because they are extremely sexually aroused by you, so that if they let you fuck them, it's for some kind of security in exchange (marriage, free meals, someone to help them do things). What's more, they need to retain some kind of leverage over you so that once you fuck them, they can mind-fuck you with "feelings" and "love" if you decide to leave before she is ready to let you.
She's not going to give up pussy to a marriageable guy (they will out you in one of three categories from the start:marriage/LTR guys they only sleep with to get things in return; will sleep with them as compensation and to keep them around, not out of overwhelming sexual desire, the second category is guys that turn them on - "edgy" guys not good for relationships as providers, but for fun in bed and nothing else. These guys get the most for the lowest price. Think of them as costco members, while LTR guys shop for the same things in smaller packages for higher prices at the smaller grocer down the street, the third category are guys they don't want anything to do with romantically, "friends" and losers. These guys are too poor to shop at any of the woman's establishments) before she can determine you are committed enough to her ("in love" or "falling for her") so that she knows you are in a compromised state where you can be manipulated in exchange for sex. She's making you swipe your credit card before you can fill up at her pump.
Men who seduce women first have all the cards: the woman has given up her most valuable asset and is now vulnerable. The man can turn it into a relationship or move on and it's often solely his decision; she is at his mercy. Women know this, and are willing to let this happen with guys who are fun in the sack, but they don't consider marriageable or long term partners anyway ("bad boys") because they know they have no prospect of a long term relationship to lose, so it's purely an even exchange of sexual, physical needs. However, if you are a well rounded pick up artist who manages to demonstrate values that elicit short term physical attraction responses from women as well as being relationship material, you can seduce her first and then decide what to do with her. You will make her not able to adhere to her own policy of making LTR guys wait and giving it up right away to bad boys, because you are a dual threat and she has no way to cover both.
Think of it this way: as a guy with only LTR/gf game, you are like a possession receiver: you are Keyshawn Johnson or muhsin Muhammad. You can out leap and out physical her to catch some tough passes, but she can easily stick a bigger db like a safety on you to match your size and physicality at the expense of speed, because you are also slower and the strong safety or even LB can run with you and then drag you down or beat you to the ball by getting position on you. "Bad boys" are like speed receivers: they are ted Ginn, Az hakim and devin Hester. They'll burn a girl (defense) quite often, because few defenders can match their speed. They get behind you, and it's over. However, their other traits (subpar hands, lack of size and physicality, lack of route running ability) mean that while they might be good for a TD very other game or so, they can be contained enough so that they don't take over a game like a truly elite receiver. Defenses adjust, they drop passes, and although they'll get their long catch and runs and TDs, they never succeed in holding a high quality gf (if they're even after that) because they drop too many passes, get jammed at the line and have it affect their release and get outphysicaled. This is analogous to lacking long term prospects. Maybe they don't have a steady job, are abusive, not particularly intelligent or suffer from social blights like alcoholism or drug abuse. They'll get their stats (TDs, lays) and that's all many of them care about, even if they're not dominant weapons who can win games.
A good pick up artist is like a jerry rice, Larry Fitzgerald, Calvin Johnson. He can do it all. Burn you, out jump you, run through DBs, run crisp routes and make intelligent adjustments and get open for scrambling QBs. They can take over games, put up 10 catches, 150 yards, 3 TDs and single handedly win you games. They will score, but most of the time they won't be contained. They have their way with you. Safety help over the top? They'll beat underneath with physical play against larger defenders on short and intermediate routes. Jam them at the line? No matter, they'll fight it off and speed past you, streaking towards the end zone, because they have all the skills of the other two types in one package. A good pua is like this. He will seduce girls, and then once he has all the power over them, he'll keep them around if he wants to because even though he was strong enough to seduce them like a bad boy, the girls are still hanging around trying to snare him as a boyfriend because he's also smart, confident, intelligent funny and leads a successful and interesting life. They keep trying to jam you, you fight it off and go deep. They drop two deep safeties, and you get first down after first down underneath. You've sprung more leaks in their boat than they have fingers.
I know that doesn't entirely answer your question, but it's helpful to understand female psychology in a situation like this for lurkers and other posters who might understand where a woman is coming from and why she's acting how she's acting.
CHAT