I fell for a taken girl. It's happened before. I can't shake this one, she's the first girl I've cared about in a long time for more than a short-term conquest.

My roommate and good friend also fell for her. That's where things get interesting.

First, I'm not interested in breaking up her current relationship. I AM interested in being the one she wonders about, fantasizes about, is curious enough about to come to if/when she's single again.

She showed interest initially (about a month ago), getting my number from a mutual friend, hanging out at my work (I bartend), discovering a ton of mutual passions. The next day she texted "You're awesome." Recently, she's become intrigued by my roommate, who hangs out at the bar too. He's generally more forward, at times manipulative, attention-seeking, sexually driven. He's bisexual, flirts with guys and girls, loves to be sexually forward.

I'm playing the long game. I want to maintain a place in her life, but I've been doing a lot of work on myself. I talk about positive steps I'm taking, exciting projects I'm working on, things I feel passionately about. I don't divulge all details, in the hopes of retaining her curiosity about me. I'm focusing on not wracking my brain trying to game her and impress her, hoping that may win out in the long run. The flip side is, he comes off more aggressive.

At the end of the day, she's taken. So I'm not stressing it. But fuck does it suck when I hear from my roommate about the fun they had when I couldn't join them at my bar, and when she texts me for his number. So here I am.

Happy to join you all on these forums. I've read several posts, and I like the quality of advice I see here. Thanks in advance, gentlemen.

You fucked that up.

Good for you to want her to wonder about you, but she already was. You proved to be less exciting than your roommate, so she went after him. You think it's "strategy" to wait in the wings, that your plan is long-term. If things fizzle out with your roommate, she's going to want to go hunt for fresh meat. Not reconsider some she rendered inedible in the past.

I know she was (is) in a relationship, but it's about to end. You can still be a decent guy, not cheat with her, and show your value, rather than slink away and drive her into the arms of your roommate.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

If she's off the table currently, I'd suggest focusing your attention to girls who are available. Open up your mind to the possibility that there are even more attractive girls out there who are waiting to meet you. Spend your time dating those girls and when this other girl becomes available, you will be much more attractive than if you've spent your time trying to come up with a strategy to get her in the long term.

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Don't "fall" for girls like that. You haven't even done anything more than flirt with her, firstly, so that shows a bit of desperation she can sense. Secondly, if she's in a relationship and flirting with you and your friends, she's perfectly fuckable once she breaks up, but I'd be wary of developing feelings for someone like that. Fuck her if you can and if you do, focus on keeping it purely physical (i.e. you can let it go easily if she fucks other guys or loses interest, because all you care about is getting what you can physically from her; you're not invested in her), otherwise, you'll be the one getting mind-fucked.