Hey

I have finally found a girl I feel I can be real with. There is just one problem. Her friend said that she liked to hop around (prior to us liking each other) and a friend of mine said a friend (I know him too) dated her, and he got dumped for no reason (there probably was, but I am not here to be judge). I guess here is my question: should you ever trust an AFC's judgement, or should you be alpha and say screw the past?

What does the "C" in "AFC" stand for, again?

So now tell me why you trust someone you yourself just referred to as a "chump"?

Other guys are competition. They're out to screw it up for you. They're jealous. They want to be banging her, but you are. You seem to already have some inkling of these ideas already. Remind yourself of that.

A few other assorted tips:
-Always consider the source. Of course your jilted buddy and his friend think he got "dumped for no reason". Try and keep a running, cynical commentary in your head that (usually silently) says something like "Yeah, sure if 'dumped for no reason' means 'was a big pussy'." Remember, be cynical about other people's motives. They just want to bang her (as most people in their situation would) and they get mad when they don't get to (as most people in their situation would). The simplest explanation is often the correct one.
-Dismiss the opinions of people you consider AFCs. In fact, avoid them within all reasonable limitations. A man is judged by his friends and associates.
-Remember this is your girl and she and these guys are now treading upon your reality. I'm not saying that you should be a control freak, but remember, your girl, your relationship, you're in control. Ignore them. You're not dating one of those AFC guys, are you? No? Good. Then what should they have to do with you and her? Cut them out (without being overly aggressive about it).

I respectfully desagree.

You said it yourself, AFC friends... I don't know what kind of companies does JakeP keeps, but I would trust any of my friends (even AFC ones) with my life. I would never hit on a friends girlfriend and believe none of my friends would do that to me. I would go to hell and back for any AFC I call a friend. In fact, a friend's girlfriend (and a really hot one) shamelessly hit on me once. You know what I did? I told my friend and showed him the messages she had sent me. Nothing would ever happen between us, but I did not know if she was doing the same thing with other guys and my main priority was to have my friend's back, even if it got him pissed off at me.

Have you never heard "Bros before Hoes"?

And since we are on the subject of trust, why would you even consider to be with a girl you do not trust? Either you trust her and in that case this is all pointless, or you don't trust her and in that case you should cut your losses.

That being said, information is the most valuble commodity you may have. It may be used, traded or sold. Trust me on this, I'm in the business of Competitive Intelligence.

My advice would be: say "screw the past". Do not let stuff that did not even happen to you (and you do not even know if it happened) damage your current relationship. But listen to what your friend have to say. I'm not saying you should blindly take their word for it. But it never hurts to have some insight. Either you learn something useful about your girl, or you learn your friends are not indeed your friends and then you cut them off. Keep your options open. Listen to what they have to say, take notice on what's going on around you, but do not act hastily and unless you make sure you are making the right call. By listening to them and observing your girl you gather good intelligence wich in turn leads to a more informed decision making process.

it really is a case by case basis though. i've had very close "friends" cockblock, act jealous, and generally be very uncool when single women came into the picture. on the other hand, i've had people i would consider acquaintances at best end up being some of the best wingmen with my success as an actual priority.

i think you bring up a good point though. don't just dismiss what he's saying because he has a history with women that isn't stellar. try and figure out where he's coming from first, then see if his points have any validity.

I would take everything you see and hear with a grain of salt. Some guys add a little detail to the original story. I wouldn't completely say screw the past, if a person has a trend of past behaviors then more than likely it can happen again in the future. I recommend that you just cover your ass at all times. You can't always let your guard down, always be on top of your game. Everyone is not perfect so don't treat what they say with 100% fool proof sound advice.

I'd keep an eye on your girlfriend as well. If he describes certain behaviors that she is exhibiting with you, then you can start picking up on things. Eventually, you will notice when your significant other starts doing thing that don't fall in line with their normal behavior, that's when you start being alert on why or what is causing that behavior. If your girlfriend is treating you well, I wouldn't sweat it too much.


I learned this the hard way. This girl was a freak though, at the time I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Like I said, don't trust anyone.

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I'm not the who considers them "friends". OP does.

If "bros before hoes" is your idea of good dating advice for this guy, I have nothing else to say.

Some people are true friends, some are not. And regardless of how great you think they are, they're all friends until they're not.

you need to ignore anything they say about women if you recognize them as AFCs.

Why should it matter if he's with a girl he doesn't fully trust? Is he trying to have an LTR or marry her? Sure, then, I see your point. If you're just trying to fuck a few times, who cares why she dumped some loser AFC before being with you? There's no need to make it more complicated than it needs to be by giving further credence to the opinions of these AFC guys by examining their sources which is a waste of time and only messes with your game more. There may be a kernel of truth to what they are saying,but you have to realize that people lie all the time, especially jealous people, and even more so people who are trying to get laid. Ignore these AFC losers. Why do you care about what they have to say? You're not trying to get with THEM, are you, OP?

OP: consider the source. Men are competition. They want to fuck your girl. One of he guys you referenced isn't even a friend of yours. He's her "friend". In other words, he's trying to fuck her, and certainly isn't about to do you any favors. Ignore all of these losers, they're trying to get in your way. Once again, you and I both agree that they're chumps, so start treating their opinions and "intelligence" on your girl like it.

JK, don't take that quote to heart, but I do believe sometimes we think people are our friends and they just see us as associates. Maybe they do see you as a friend, but don't realize they're using you for personal gain. For example, a guy might tell his "friend" to dump his gf and give him good reason to, but really, he just wants somebody to hang out with, and once the friend gets serious with a girl, he's gone ("sorry, buddy").

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"You ain't accustomed of going through customs. You ain't been nowhere, huh?"

If the person dated her before, disregard. They are biased.

Now, if someone with no dog in the fight comes to you and says she's trouble, an impartial third party, then that's one to take into account.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

What the fuck does it matter? Clearly the girl isn't "wifey material" so if you wanna fuck her, then fuck her. Don't see her as anything more than a good time.