Hey guys,

my girlfriend broke up/wanted to go on a break with me two days ago. For the past few weeks she had been acting distant and said that she is doing all the work in our relationship, that I don't care for her enough, and that I never do anything for her. This is all pretty much true and I feel bad about it. She said our sex life is the only thing that is working in our relationship. So I'm pretty sure she's still attracted to me on some level.

In the past few weeks I told her I'm willing to change things. But as I predicted this didn't work and she wanted to have a break and have time for herself. I said she can have time for herself and if this is really what she wants I'm okay with that, but I said I can't promise I'll be waiting for her. This whole time she was crying her eyes out.

This morning she texted me asking how I was doing. I didn't respond to that. Today I hid my relationship status on Facebook and deleted all the pictures of us together and all her posts on my wall. So just now she sent me a text asking why I deleted all that stuff off my Facebook.

The thing is I do want her back but I feel things need to cool down for a while now and that we both need some space. Any suggestions how to respond to these texts, or to not respond at all, if I want her back?

I replied to her message asking why I deleted all the stuff on my Facebook:

Her: Why did you delete all our pictures and my posts on your wall?
Her: "my name".....
Me: Yeah?
Her: So now we hate each other?
Her: And sorry I didn't realize you can forget 2,5 years so quickly
Me: Not quite
Her: You can't be so emotionless

I want to get back together with her but is there anything to be done at this point? I know she will continue texting me and is probably just looking for me to try to cave in.

It's funny because she was the one who initiated this break up and now she's wondering why I deleted everything on Facebook.

Sounds like you are already doing a good job.

Id play the facade a bit more, maybe like a few more texts and then follow up with something like


"do you miss me"


if she caves you're in. Try to turn it around on her and ake it seem like she is the problem with the relationship.

And get her to qualify herself to you that she won't do whatever it is anymore to get you back.

Thanks for the reply man.

So here's how it went on:
Her: You can't be so emotionless
Her:
Her: We never officially agreed to break up but now you made your point pretty clear. It's really horrible to see how easy all this was to you. I've been crying since sunday when you left my place. It would've been nice to talk every now and then.
Me: Let's see where we are in two weeks
Her: I guess I'll have to delete my relationship status as well. Looks like you had your future figured out all ready. Good night.
Her: ps. My love for you will never go away

What now? Do you still recommend I ask her if she misses me? Would really appreciate some outside perspective on the situation.

What exactly did you do to make her want to break up with you? When you said you'd try what did you do to change things?

This is high school shit, man.

If you want her back stop playing games and actually work on whatever issue there was. She obviously still gives a shit about you or she wouldn't care about you or still be talking to you.

Agreed. Cut the bullshit. Do you want a relationship with her or not? Stop playing these petty mindfuck games with her and be straightforward about what you want.

x2

she was the one who said you weren't a good "boyfriend" and now she's yelling at you for getting over it? LMFAO Get away from this girl man. Go out and get another one. There are 7.2 billion people on this planet. Trust me, this girl is replaceable.

Don't initiate any text for 2 weeks, don't go to places where you could see her. Give her heaps of time to miss you. She'll learn not to initiate breaks with you again.

She'll most likely contact you again within those 2 weeks. If she does, tell her you are just giving her the space she asked for (don't text any more).

Meet other girls for 2 weeks, think about what you want. If you are still willing to work on the relationship, tell her then. And don't worry, she still seems much in love with you and that won't change in a couple of weeks. You have to show her what it's like when you're gone.

About three weeks ago she said stuff how she thinks I never do anything for her, rarely call or text her, and she doesn't know if the relationship is working out anymore. After that I realized that I had been making mistakes and told her that I wanted to change things and make the relationship work. I forgot to mention to you guys that we live a few hours away from each other so we can only see on weekends.

After this she said she thinks it's best we don't see each other the next weekend. In these two weeks after that I called her a lot and we talked about all the stuff that's wrong in our relationship and I tried to show I really do care about her and the relationship. I also texted her pretty much at first but stopped because she was only giving me very short answers.

The next weekend we agreed that I'd go to her place and we talked a lot about all this and again said that I want to make this work. I tried to be fun and do things we both had enjoyed before. Eventhough we had some of the best sex ever, she was acting very cold and indifferent towards me and before I left on sunday we had the break up talk.

So in my eyes I have been really straightforward with her about what I want from our relationship. Her response was basically that she doesn't know what she wants and needs some time to think about stuff.

I have realized that this realtionship is likely beyond salvage and this week I've been doing lot's of stuff with my buddies and just tried to get her out of my head.

Today, though, I woke up and noticed she had sent me a text this morning:
"I'll come and get my TV and coffee machine sometime. And all my other stuff out of your way so you can bring new girls for a sleepover"

I haven't responded yet. Should I still reply with the "I'm just giving you the space you asked for" or something else or nothing at all?

Sounds like she's playing games. It's up to you man...

You can send that message about just giving her the space she asked for, but do not reply to ANY more texts. If you want the attraction back, only chance is to make yourself unavailable to her.

When she told you she needs time, she thought the situation is safe and you would just wait for her. Now she fears you might be gone, that's why she told you she couldn't believe you get over the relationship so quickly. Deleting the pics was a very good move. Trust me she regrets asking you for a break. But of course she's a woman, chances are she knows how to play the game.

It's good you gave a few more details. In my opinion you should forget even about the 2 weeks and make it 3 weeks of no contact. Work on yourself and reflect alot. Time to think about what you really want. It's also a good idea to go on dates or just hang out with female friends in general. Start flirting randomly, there's no harm in that.

Thanks for the advice guys, it really helps to get an outside perspective on this.

She had sent the message about getting her stuff at 3:20 am last night and I replied at around noon today:

Her: I'll come and get my TV and coffee machine sometime. And all my other stuff out of your way so you can bring new girls for a sleepover
Me: Haven't made a final decision on us. I want to give us both some time to think about stuff
Her: Right...

And that's the situation now. Got some good plans for the weekend because it's my birthday tomorrow and for the next weeks I'll keep myself really busy.

One question though: She has her cross country skiing championships tomorrow and they are really important to her. You advised on not to text, but I'm just wondering would it be good or bad to send a short text wishing her luck? Keeping in mind this is one of the most important things for her.

What the fuck? She isn't playing games with you now. She wanted to take the break because she figured that might spur you into actually caring about the relationship and putting in some effort if you realize she'll leave you over it, and now she regrets it. The way you're acting is extremely childish and sure as hell isn't living by the "leave her better than you found her" principle. Do you want her back? Then wish her luck and keep in touch afterward and rebuild things, but only if you can put forth effort this time. Otherwise, be honest with her and tell her you don't want a relationship anymore. It's completely stupid to leave someone in limbo for this long, especially when she's clearly feeling horrible about it.

I don't agree with some stuff from above poster. It's anything but childish to give her the break SHE wanted. It would have been childish to try to "save" anything at that moment. I agree she regrets it, but only because she saw how mature he's handling the situation.

OP, just reflect and find out if you really want this relationship. Once you made your decision after those couple of weeks, meet with her and talk about it. If you are willing to make an effort, let her know then and get on the same page. Of course, if you decide for the relationship, you will need to make those changes she asked you for.

As for the text about skiing, up to you if you want to do it. If it's that important to her, do then do it. Nut don't let her take this as an opportunity to be all chatty with you. Keep it at that text.