How to handle amog that is with oneitis



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PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 9:51 pm 
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A while back I got a bad case of oneitis for a girl. She played me along for a month and a half and then hooked up with another guy (on my bday). The other guy is really charming, has game, is narcissistic (what the girl loves). He always knows what to say.

I started suffering from a really bad case of depression, and was in a real bad place for about a month. This brought me back to this forum to learn from my mistakes. At some point I left my town and things started to get better. I never got over her but I was feeling better.

Then I had to come back. Since it's a small town we frequent the same spots. For about two weeks I avoided going to my favorite bars because I knew she was there with him, but in the end I like going out so I did.

Today as I was staying at the bar and they walked in. I saw her and managed to look away and luckily they went to stay somewhere where I couldn't see him.

However at some point the guy came to talk to some girls at our table who were obviously into him. I didn't pay attention to him and kept on doing what I was doing. However it was clear he was doing it because he knew how much I felt for this girl, and that he had her, and he can have anyone.

While I've been learning about PUA and trying to change my life I'm not there yet, I still can't close. In one bad moment just seeing his face ruined my confidence and mood.

How can I live with this? In my head right now I don't even think it's about him/her anymore. It's because I've reached a certain age and I still can't get the *hot* girls I want. And every time I see them, which I have to if I want to go out, I'm faced with this.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 2:59 am 
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Well funny thing is people like mr prince charming probably have lower self esteem than most people. I know the type he has to be smooth and charming constantly and gets off on talking to people just for attention. Its like a disease he has where he needs to get the attention and approval of women to convince himself hes still got it. He will crash and burn and live a pathetic life down the line so don;t let him beat you up.

Also you sounded like things were good when you left town. Only when you came back did things get worse. If its that predictable that these people would run into you at the venues you must be from a tiny place. Is leaving an option and enjoying your life in a city somewhere near? Don;t be afraid to make a big life change and do your thing. I would suggest you change your environment and go somewhere hot girls are around all the time and you don;t see the same stupid people that piss you off.

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 3:52 am 
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I asked my boss at Optimacy about what he would do in this situation, and he said this a common problem among guys.

He is a master of neurology and psychology, so without getting too much into that...it basically boils down to male testosterone creating innate competition between guys.

However, he said that "any time you have competition...you also want teammates".

As a result, he usually fights the urge to compete and does the opposite. For example, he would approach a guy like you described and say "Dude, you seem really good with the ladies. What's your secret?"

By playing dumb and flattering them, he disarms them and prevents them from thinking he is competition. They will also be less likely to sabotage his efforts later because they now consider you on their "team".

Pretty easy huh? Just by flattering them and not trying to out-compete them, you flipped the script.

He also takes advantage of another element of neurology - i.e. whenever somebody flatters us, they feel a need to reciprocate in some way. As a result, many guys who he approached with this line have "returned" the favor by introducing him to some girls they are with. Some give friendly advice which he can then use as insight into how they approach women, and now he can come up with a game plan to do even better.

Again, he is a master and it may not work exactly the same for your situation, but it's an option you should consider because I don't see how you are going to out-compete this guy with your current mindset.

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 7:14 am 
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Also you sounded like things were good when you left town. Only when you came back did things get worse. If its that predictable that these people would run into you at the venues you must be from a tiny place. Is leaving an option and enjoying your life in a city somewhere near? Don;t be afraid to make a big life change and do your thing. I would suggest you change your environment and go somewhere hot girls are around all the time and you don;t see the same stupid people that piss you off.
You nailed it, it's a small town and we frequent the same bars. Leaving is an option and that's what I'm going to do. Still, it's going to take a while to get things rolling.

It's just depressing that after all I've been through to get over it everything is coming back because of this. He has something I want, game.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 1:33 pm 
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There are many other fish in the sea. Move on. That is the best advice you are going to get here.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 7:50 pm 
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Experience will give you game. But first forget about the petty emotions and heartbreak and feeling like your getting beat by this guy. To have game you need to let go and grow up. Look at the bigger picture...always another opportunity, always another girl around the corner, always places to go, etc. not giving a shit is the best advice you will get. You will learn that confidence is basically not giving a shit...

Your halfway there. Your def on the right path.

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Why not use one to manage your sex life?

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 9:58 pm 
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Quote:
As a result, he usually fights the urge to compete and does the opposite. For example, he would approach a guy like you described and say "Dude, you seem really good with the ladies. What's your secret?" By playing dumb and flattering them, he disarms them and prevents them from thinking he is competition. They will also be less likely to sabotage his efforts later because they now consider you on their "team". Pretty easy huh? Just by flattering them and not trying to out-compete them, you flipped the script. He also takes advantage of another element of neurology - i.e. whenever somebody flatters us, they feel a need to reciprocate in some way. As a result, many guys who he approached with this line have "returned" the favor by introducing him to some girls they are with. Some give friendly advice which he can then use as insight into how they approach women, and now he can come up with a game plan to do even better.
This is definitely good advice. You want to get laid, so make love, not war.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 12:48 am 
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Quote:
Experience will give you game. But first forget about the petty emotions and heartbreak and feeling like your getting beat by this guy. To have game you need to let go and grow up. Look at the bigger picture...always another opportunity, always another girl around the corner, always places to go, etc. not giving a shit is the best advice you will get. You will learn that confidence is basically not giving a shit...

Your halfway there. Your def on the right path.
THIS


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