Some background. We had sex a few times last year before going away for a few months. I'm in a somewhat open ldr and she has an ldr bf.

Recently, we started going out again and last night, I asked her to come home with me. She wanted me to promise her that I wouldnt have sex with her. I told her I would never promise that but I could promise not to force her to do anything.

Back at my place, I thought I did it right. A little alcohol, music, lights. Kissing, ears, neck, boobs. But as soon as my hands got anywhere near her hips, she went all tense and grabbed my hands and said no, stop. She was breathing heavily, moaning, rubbing herself on my legs, but no go with hands.

I tried everything. She was topless and clearly turned on. Back approach downwards instead of the front. Two freeze-outs got me slightly closer but no go. Kissing up from her legs to thighs but got stopped. Some random style story about fate. Simply getting naked and getting her to stroke me, she did it but wouldnt go down on me. Going to sleep and trying in the morning.

She asked me if I would leave my ldr gf for her if she left her ldr bf. I didn't answer her directly. She said she trusted me not to do anything to her that she didn't want to. And throughout it all, she didn't show any signs of wanting to leave. After 2 hours, we ended up sleeping till morning when I tried again. Any time I got near her crotch, it was like a sudden electric shock and arm grab.

Wtf. I don't get it. This has never happened before. If she was uncomfortable she would have left but she stayed even as I kept testing the (very small) limits. Any suggestions for next time? Or what can I do now?

sure it wasnt her time of month or something?

somewhere before sex you did something wrong. Either way, I would have kept stopping and going until she broke. Each girls varies, some take longggg and some take less than an hour to crack. Dirty talk, dirty talk, dirty talk.

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maybe her thing is not in very good condition. smells bad or something...

She was wearing a thin pad "just in case" but said that wasn't the reason. She just kept saying no and grabbing me. I'll try again if I get the chance.

I don't know what I could have done wrong before we got back to my place. Maybe next time, I wont be making any promises. More comfort, even though I thought I was quite heavy with it. So, dirty talk, tell her what I'm going to do to her. If I have to I'll slowly get her undressed piece by piece...

Thanks for the help guys... It's just got me so puzzled.

How turned on was she? Sometimes you just have to tease her until she can't stand it.

If I were in the situation where a girl grabbed my hands, I'd immediately push her completely off (not hard, but giving enough space where I can see her entire body). This is a pretty stern punishment for a girl, because if she's naked or partially clothes she will feel very exposed. I'd then dominantly look her in the eyes and tell her she has to trust me. I'd further punish her by not letter her touch me for a few minutes while doing teasing her, but avoid kissing her. You have to keep at that until you can tell that she accepts your dominance.

Her resisting and talking tells me that she wasn't there to have sex for enjoyment, but it had all sorts of other meaning for her. So you have to reframe it that sex is only about two people enjoying each other physically and anything else should be worked out through discussion, not through sexual manipulation (she's trying to manipulate you physically to commit to her).