You should work on developing your own style, don't listen to others, it is bad news. I spent the entire of last year being lent clothes and being dressed by my housemates "for my own good", now I realize none of it suited who I am and this made me seem very awkward (rock guy in a Jack Wills shirt, is never going to work).


So yar think about women you admire and women whos clothes you like then take on aspects of them. It doesn't even have to be logical, I personally try to mix Russell Brand, Jim Morrison and Marc Bolan.


As for the other things, I think self-confidence will sort a lot of it out and the rest you can pick up as you hang out here.

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First off, BE VERY CAREFUL how you label others. Even if you thought 100% that you are right, (in my view you're 100% wrong) please think about how you toss those words around. Most trained psychiatrists wouldn't tell patients that stuff. Instead, they would use that knowledge towards improvements. .

This "change your self view" bandwagon is nothing new. And I agree that it's an extremely important aspect of self fulfillment. However, because this "psychological background" is how you identify yourself, you are viewing everything through the prism of the "change your self view first school".

Is it truly better to change your self view first? The answer should always be: IT DEPENDS. It depends on the situation, the person, and where she is in life . . . (But obviously, people who profit from one or another will ALWAYS push for their method)

So here are a few areas where we disagree:

1. Paisley is a bright, effective communicator who seems willing to venture into new life patterns. She wrote about her possible limiting factors. SHE WROTE ABOUT THEM. (This is very important) You took this as a DEMONSTRATION of her negative outlook when it is clear as sunshine in my view that her overall writing is full of positive outlook and energy.

Being able to WRITE about your limitations in search for a solution is about the most positive thing one can do. Positive/negative in terms of self view isn't a stagnant identity. It is rather a direction of movement. Where is she going with her written limitations? Did she write them to go positive? Or did she write them to go negative? This is very obvious.

Plethora, do you want to find people with negative outlooks? Find the posts where the 28 year old virgins go, "Oh man, I go to the party and and I know how to work it. I know my shit. I am the party. So I'm doing my cocky routine and told this girl her hair sucks so she put up her bitch shield and ignored me. So I'm going to freeze her out and ignore her. What do you think????" - or - "I can't talk to anybody. Everybody hates me. I'm afraid that if I talk to them, they'll just hate me. I'm too ugly to to be liked." - These two examples are really not that different. My heart truly aches when I read that stuff . . .

2. I'm not sure which model you're using but psychological hierarchies are called hierarchies because without the bottom rung, you can't achieve the top. There is an order. If you can't breathe, you're not looking for food no matter how hungry you are. If you're starving, going out to fix your hair. Read Paisley's goals. She wants to have more dates and have fun. This isn't some depressed kid who masturbates to x box all night long. She could go put on a new dress, lipstick, and dance with her friends at a party and accomplish those goals. Very simple really . . .

Again, ask a chef for dating advice and he'll tell you to cook up a mean meal. Ask a fisherman for dating advice and he'll tell you to take the girl fishing. Should you? . . . It depends.