Well N2, I understand that you like going full on love mode when you find a girl you like. I happen to not work that way because I am a complete mess when I let emotion run my actions.
All I am asking of the OP is to tell me how his life has changed bringing his "girlfriend" into his life. I understand that you make time for people who can potentially make you happy and that's a reasonable assumption.
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but she's now back to "what am I doing" and "I want to make the right decision" and "I don't know if I want to do this anymore, I feel like I should be studying, meeting new people, etc."
Her doubts are perfectly understandable if they had a rocky relationship and are now re-engaging with one another. I would expect her to be apprehensive, and for his part, ambivalent as they're both risking a great deal and its very much touch-and-go SPAM. "What am I doing", "I don't know if I want to do this anymore"...those con vey fear, and if the OP simply hear the unmet need, and acknowledge them as such noting that she's STILL in spite of these statements hanging out with him, he should be able to navigate through these waters without getting caught-up in the emotional tumult she may be experiencing. And this is what she wants, a stable guy who is secure in himself who WONT jump into the river with her, rather stay on the bank without stepping into the raft with her and getting pulled downstream by the current.
Is translated to me that she doesn't really have anything going for her. It seems that she is dependent on the OP to make her happy. The problem I had with your advice is that it was good in the quotes until you started suggesting dates for the OP.
Quite a bit of conjecture on your part given the limited amount of info provided on her.
Those kinds of dates work well for women that are in love with their man. All it did now was push her further. In this scenario, you actually WANT her to think. Women fall in love with thought. That's why you see women falling in love with celebrities that they have never met.
Women fall in love with feeling attracted by a desirable man - women want to be desired by a man they admire, one they respect, and in particular a man they can feel secure with so she can safely explore her femininity in his presence and feel sexy, feel attractive as a result. They fall in love with FEELING and receiving, NOT logic or 'thought'.
The correct thing for the OP to do was to actually just step back, regain his composure and re-visit the situation. If his lady was asking why the OP was not so available, the OP can brush it off as he wants to focus a little bit on a hobby, maybe work, or even maybe just taking a little mental break before coming back to his girl with a fresh brain of logic. He isn't running away, he is doing both of them a favor.
So you were prescribing MORE space?? How has that served the betterment of the relationship to this point? Op? Can you answer this please?
The irony is now this will create intrigue with the girl. Now all of a sudden, oh shit, why is he not here, where is he, who is he with, does he still like me. She will go full on girl analytical mode.
SO play on her attachment fears is what you're suggesting, pretty much making you like every other cookie cutter PUA out there who simply doesnt understand the dynamics behind creating true connection and a healthy relationship.
Now, I am not advocating doing this out of causing these kinds of emotions with a woman. The flip side is that the OP would have been able to regain his composure to better give his lady what she wants. It's healthy to remember who you are and what you're about. I do this. I disconnect so to speak with the real world and when I reconnect, I am fresh and ready. Nothing wrong with that. I am not running away. I am coming back to the problem and solving it with a cooler head.
CHAT
