Hey everyone,

So from about a month ago, I managed 4 dates with a girl from Tinder and finally lost my virginity on date 4 (I'm 21).

Unfortunately I had to move from uni to hometown to start a summer placement. She also would be leaving the continent back home in August (she is only doing a summer research project in the UK). The thing was never going to last because of the above but I wasn't expecting her to end it prior to her leaving.

During all dates we made out and some cuddling etc but as neither house was available, it was always in my car/somewhere quite outside which wasn't ideal. I wasn't planning to do anything on date 1 as we were just talking in public, but she sort of kissed my hand which gave me the confidence to start making out.

Date 4 was pretty much a whole day thing where I met some of her friends, had a bbq etc etc and when we were on our own she mentioned she wanted to visit me in my hometown, blah blah.

In the evening she asked me multiple times why I was being so nice, if I was nice to everyone... It sounded like she wasn't sure whether to trust me. I was bit tired of the questions so I told her the truth that I haven't been serious with any girl before. That made her feel better and eventually at night she led the way to a field where she was willing to go all the way.

Before we parted for the night she had already planned two more dates before i had to leave to my hometown.
She cancelled the first the next day because she was not feeling good, then later in the week cancelled the other too. She had some bad news (which was true, one of her friends had some really unfortunate events) but said she would get organised and visit me home on some of the weekends.

She kept initiating convos next few days but eventually one day she send me a block of text telling me I had been really nice and supportive, blah blah but she would be busy on all weekends for one reason or another and then leaving the country so basically we wouldn't see eachother again.

I basically don't know if I did something wrong and really just want to find out how to improve myself. The reasons she was busy on weekends were very trivial and so I feel maybe she didn't want to anymore.

Fair enough that this was going to end when she leaves the country either way, but we both always knew that was to be the case. Given some of the stuff she was saying to me ("I'm so lucky", "you make me feel good", "you are such a gentleman"), I would have though she would also want to continue until the end. Now I just feel like the typical 'being nice' truly doesn't work.

What do you guys think?

Is it crazy to like the idea of being in a relationship someone interesting more than sleeping around? I definitely think I'm a relationship person but without the experience/numbers I don't think I can keep them.

Sorry for long post / Thanks for any advice

You pretty much sealed your fate (look at bold text in the quote) when you said that you weren't serious with any girl before. Now, I am going to go easy on you because you just lost your virginity and all these chemicals are fucking with your brain at the moment. This feeling, after you have sex, after you meet a new girl, and after you spend time with her, will happen again over the course of your life.

It's natural, and with experience you will understand that women come and go. Stay single for now, I know you like the thought of relationships but you need to be happy being on your own. As for why I said sealed your fate...well it's simple, you pretty much acknowledged that you like her THAT much to admit such a thing. It set off an unknown button inside her where she got turned off. The fun was over. She knows she is leaving back to the UK, so you saying all that pretty much gave her visions of you trying to "create" a long distance relationship which she probably didn't want in the long run.

She is there for a good time, not a long time. But it's okay man, you're new to the game. Just don't confess things like "Ive never met a girl like you before" or "You are my one and only" and you should be fine.

Only time those are acceptable is when you are in an actual relationship and the girl actually really likes you. Other than that, that's my 4 cents.

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pua-lounge/the-importance-patience-this ... his%20game

Translation: I want a man to have his way with me in bed, and you're too nice.

Be very grateful for this forum, my friend. This is the kind of thing most men never learn.


99% of the time you have sex with a woman and she doesn't follow up, is because you were bad in bed.

women will blow off any plans in order to sleep with you again if you gave them multiple orgasms, and/or displayed dominant passion.



Kiss of death right there.
It only works with obese women (IE, most of the women on POF).

9's and 10's have had their asses kissed their entire lives. When a man is true to himself, and acts as the prize while using shocking honesty, they lose their shit and want to fuck his brains out.

were you passionate when you kissed her (grabbing her by the back of her hair, around her neck, bringing her into you) or did you lean in, hands at your side, tentatively?

Did you ask "what position next?" or did you lead the interaction, flip her around by the ankle or calf into the position you desire? Did you fuck her really hard?

These are the signs of a dominant male, and 9's and 10's fall hard for this shit. You can get away with not giving a woman orgasms early on if you are dominant in bed, because this makes socially valuable women feel feminine, which they DONT feel around most of today's feminine, video game playing men.

If you can give a girl an orgasm, it releases a neuropeptide called "oxycotin". This makes a girl want to be close to you, thus she'll be hitting you up to come over.

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Cheers for the honest advice guys.

I completely agree that I sent some of those signals but at times I almost felt cornered into doing so lol.

For example, almost every day after first date she would start a convo like "how was your day". I always tried to spin it off to a flirty / casual convo, but occasionally it almost felt like I was being friendzoned.

On the second date, she initiated holding hands in town etc which I thought was too soon but again I'm clueless.

When making out, she would constantly say that I was a good kisser and was making her horny. On both date 2 and 3 she said she would have had sex if we weren't in a car. If I'm honest in my head I was questioning her previous partners / honesty as although I tried hard / have read online, I doubt I was actually good.


On date 4 during the day she told me that occasionally she has depression episodes and not to take it personal if she sometimes doesn't respond for days. I had no idea how to respond to that. Again I felt like she was acting if we were already in a relationship...


As for enjoying my single life. Hoping not to jinx it but I think all other aspects of my life are good. I have been following my dream of regularly travelling / holidays. I'm doing ok at university and have had two good placements. Have a part time online earner that has made me independent from my parents and able to afford a nice car, and not to worry about money as a student. I'm not the most popular person in any social circle, but have enough friends to do most of the activities I want to.

Basically, I have absolutely no excuse to not be able to do well with girls except my actions. That makes me feel even worse lol because it just means even with all the experiences I have had, I still come out as a boring person to girls.

Part of this I believe is because of fear of not screwing up, I sometimes act too boring. Problem is that my "fun self" can be too immature. I just can't hit the right balance.

But if she didn't want me to be nice, why did she kept bringing it up as a positive. I understand that being too nice is usually a turn off for girls, but I was the same way throughout the 4 dates and she still wanted to have sex. I do think I was passionate when making out and on foreplay prior to sex, but didn't last long when it came down to it (not using a condom didn't help).

Another example: On date 4 ( starting in the morning), she told me she woke up late and was thus going to take a bit longer. I therefore went to get coffee prior to driving to hers. Is this truly a bad thing to do? If it is then I just don't think I'm cut out for this lol. I would do this kind of thing even if it was a friend...

I also don't really know how to get good at sex without practising it. I have started watching educational porn videos lol but I mean it doesn't really mean much without practise.
I definitely should have been more dominant, but it is not my natural self and so I think that is something I can improve on.

What is the consensus on alcohol? I'm susceptible to blackouts and used to get way too drunk almost every time I went out during first 2 years of university. I have now cut down completely and prefer meeting girls on non-alcohol related activities. I want to have the confidence to flirt with girls without any alcohol etc. I seem to be able to find more stuff in common with girls that do not go out clubbing too regularly.

Because you're boring, and she was filling the spaces.
Yeah, that's the kind of thing that will get you nexted by a 9 or 10. They are ruthless and expect to be blown away in bed. they are all looking for that romance book cover.

Why are you going on dates in the morning? Don't you work? Or work out? Or have hobbies?


Yes, practice makes perfect. And also creates abundance.

Today, most women are more dominant than men. For some men it comes naturally, for others, you have to develop yourself mentally and physically.

In my early 20's I was able to attract a ton of women, but had trouble keeping them because I did not have that side of me developed yet.


If you can't handle alcohol (and blackouts mean you can't handle alcohol, at least during that stretch of association) then do what makes you comfortable.

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Ouch haha. So what exactly makes someone interesting? I varied the activities we did and tried to do multiple stuff per date. Our convos also felt good, I believe we both found them interesting.

I should have flirted more, but she didn't respond too well to my attempts and things seemed to be going well without it so I only did occasionally.

This isn't me trying to excuse myself, just that I thought things were going well, until they didn't. So obviously there is still a lot for me to improve.

I need to find a girl that will teach me.
I work and have hobbies. This was a sunday, she invited me for a bbq with her friends. Knowing that we had limited time before I had to go to my hometown, we did rush through dates. Things genuinely felt good though at this point.
How do you develop yourself to be in such a mindset? I currently find it difficult to come as sincere when saying stuff I wouldn't usually say. For example, I may truly feel that something is making me excited but the idea of saying it out loud makes me laugh, so when I do it sounds like I don't mean it.

If I was to have sex tomorrow, I wouldn't know what to change from the first time. Sure I practised to last longer and I may be a little bit more confident but apart from that, zilch.

I get blackouts when my alcohol content in the blood rises too fast, rather then drinking too much but its hard for me to stop once in the mood so now I keep it to 1-2 units per hour max.

Well done OP. Good job for tossing the VCard.

You didn't really do anything gravely wrong. It's simply lack of experience, and most things you'll pick up on as you go. But you seem to be handling the entire situation well, and that's more than I can say for a big chunk of this boards' members.
Keep that up.
Do it or don't. Doesn't matter, just don't get faceplanted to the point you lose coherence.
Read "Sex God Method", it gives some good pointers. Good sex is more than the physical.
If you want to hunt, ask the hunters for advice. Not the deer.

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Cheers for the reply.

I would say I'm good at reflecting (especially with advice from you guys) after I take out emotions out of the equation, however I'm very bad at changing my behaviour on my reflections.

For example, I read Dale carnegie 'How to win friends and influence people" and completely agree with pretty much all his advice. Unfortunately I find it so hard to apply it. I read it as my first job placement I had a management role and thus had to speak to many people, but found it hard to be engaging to people I didn't really want to talk to.

I go home and usually think of so many times I could have worded things better or done things differently and yet the next time I do the same.

Same thing with girls, I read these forums and other sites, I understand the reasoning for some of the advice and yet as soon as the situation arises, I revert to my natural instinctive behavior.
My texting to people I haven't met (Tinder etc) has improved, mostly by realising that the most efficient and successful method is to keep it short and risky. Experience and having time to think about what I say helps.

On the other hand, after a few dates, i started not sticking to my rules more and more which probably did not help my situation. She did msg me about some unfortunate events and my moral side just didn't let me not show empathy and try to be supportive. Personally I would have preferred to just go on another date where we can speak rather than text but it wasn't possible.

Will do, cheers.
Really though? I know different girls like different stuff, but a few friends that do well with girls have all said they had a girl that was willing to show them a few stuff early on in their life.

I'm not sure asking men for advice will boost my confidence either haha.

Yeah, also read the book. I understand your pain. I also have a "difficult" time being engaging to people who don't really interest me. However if I have to do it, I try to do it in a fun way and view it like a mini challenge. That makes it easier on me.
Show them what, exactly? If you're talking about seduction, what women think they want is not always on par with what they actually want.
Often times you'll find the guy they describe as desirable straight in the friendzone.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.