I met this gorgeous Brazilian 9, smart, totally amazing body, the works. After a 2nd date, we end up at her place. *cue Barry White* However, I recently totally gave up porn and I discovered after that night that I'm in what's known as the 'Flatline' stage, where basically I can't really get 100% aroused/hard with real situations. It's temporary and eventually within a few weeks or months, (depending on how bad your porn addiction was), your brain rewires itself to its natural porn free state and you get aroused/hard with real women like normal. My erectile dysfunction happened about 2 months ago with a girl, that's what made me quit. My porn addiction wasn't really bad, so I can get pretty hard, just not with a condom anymore yet.

Me and the 9 fool around, I make her cum twice during foreplay, things are going awesome. I put on the condom, I go kinda soft and I can't penetrate her. She says we have to use a condom and that its a rule of hers. I say cool, its a rule of mine too, and we do other stuff. We were drunk and eventually we both get so turned on she decides to put it in and we have sex. (STUPID. STUPID. STUPID). She gets tested annually and she's never had sex without a condom before (unless its with a tested exclusive boyfriend). It's a first time doing it without a condom for me too, and I know factually I'm clean, I'm getting tested again anyway after this happened, but I know we're good. (She's on the pill too).

Date 3 happens and we wind up at my place. 'We have to use a condom'. I go soft again with protection on. I take the condom off and I've made her cum twice with foreplay already so I decide to just finish myself off by grinding with her from behind. She gets really turned on and goes to put it in. I very stupidly get caught up in the moment again with this super hot, gorgeous body girl, (who is the best I've had so far) and I don't stop her. (Hands down the dumbest thing I have ever done). ('She's probably fine', 'You've already had unprotected sex with her so whats the difference?' - Your mind will come up with a million reasons to do it so be fucking careful). 5 minutes later we change position and she says 'Are you not wearing a condom?!' (She saw me take it off so I thought she knew I didn't have one on when she reached behind, and later she remembered she saw me take it off as well).

She freaks, has a shower and says she needs to leave. I ask her to at least chill for a few minutes, maybe try to get her mind off the mistake, at least have her totally calm before she goes. We lay together for a bit, but she said her mind was going to be elsewhere for the rest of the day. She's not mad at me, she said she's the one who made the mistake, but she just needed to be alone. I let her know that we will never have unprotected sex again, even if it means not having sex till this 'flatline' stage blows over in a few weeks, its one main thing I could think of to make the situation better. (That and letting her know I'm clean and haven't had sex since the last time a few days ago).

What the hell do I do now? Give her time and space is obvious, but for how long, how do I re-initiate? I don't know what to do with this.

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"The strong did what they could and the weak suffered what they must." - Thucydides

Your conclusion is right. Let things cool down and re-initiate contact. Do not go apologetic on her a$$ which you partially already have done. She was 100% in on the no condom thing so why should you take crap as if you somehow schemed to do it this way.

After 3-4 days hit her up and invite her over. If she refuses or is doubtful, ask her straight up what the fuss was all about. Dont go "Did i do anything wrong?" instead go "What made you react the way you did the other day?" if she complies and acts like nothing happened, go with the flow. Do not make trouble where there is none.

All the best

SGC_Dame

Why is she "on the pill" if she never has unprotected sex?

Also.. what's the big deal? STDs are not as common as people make it out to be. If you're not fucking the local methhead or club slut, chances are you'll be fine. I'm not saying "Go ahead, have unprotected sex", but this is just pure exaggeration.

Leave her for at least a few days. Preferably have her re-initiate with you. Otherwise contact her but be light about it. And don't make the condom such a huge deal. It's really not.

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The way you're behaving and responding to her is only validating the pettiness in her reactions.

You should be standing firm on the idea that you regularly get tested, so does she, and she is on birth control. That should be your ground when she gets emotional and starts over reacting. When you feed into it by saying things like " I promise we'll never do it again" you only serve to fuel the way she feels and create more regret. It's really not a big deal so long as you're both clean and protected from pregnancy.

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She's not making it out to be as if I schemed it, maybe she thought I did at first, but a minute later she remembered she saw me take it off.

The issue is that she just kinda freaked that she let herself get in this situation and I'm assuming got scared. She was just so uncomfortable mentally that she had unprotected sex again. Like she was chill laying down next to me after she showered, but she was in her head. (I should probably mention that she was sexually abused by a family member when she was like 10 and maybe her history made her way more sensitive to this kinda stuff? I'm not really sure, I have no experience with a girl who has gone through that. It's the only thing that helps me make sense of why she felt so bad that she needed to leave).

"I can't stay, my mind is just going to be somewhere else for the rest of the day and I'm not going to enjoy the movie." (We were gonna do movie night after sex). Her English isn't perfect and I don't know what to make of that. Maybe she's just really paranoid.

Anyway, I wasn't too bad, but I realised I could have been more chill in that situation. I have a tendency to make everything a bigger deal than it is and tend to be a negative person and blame myself for everything. But after she left I realised I was just being stupid and did nothing wrong. I'm going to message her Sunday, be light, invite her out, not even going to mention the event unless she's unresponsive for 24 hours.
I questioned that too, but I remembered my ex, who I was with for two and a half years, was on the pill and still insisted on condoms for max protection against pregnancy. (I used to have a semi-death grip when I jerked off so back then condoms and natural felt the same to me so I was cool with it).
Excellent, excellent words. I realised this about an hour after she left. (Again, like I said to SGC, I tend to make things a big deal and blame myself for stuff. Fortunately, I'm getting out of that useless habit slowly.)

It'll be my ground if anything negative happens Sunday when I message her. Maybe its too late, but whatever the result, its a valuable lesson.

I appreciate the comments, guys. This forum is something else.

_________________
"The strong did what they could and the weak suffered what they must." - Thucydides

Why is she on the pill? Because any woman not using contraception wants a child. that simple.

Anyways, OP you are stooge, first for giving up porn and buying into that Puritanism, and second for having unprotected sex. You see her taking the pill? Otherwise you are being lied to.

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These hos ain't loyal

Me giving up porn has nothing to do with Puritanism. When you're no longer able to fully enjoy real women or get/hold a full erection that is the moment you need to change something, and for me it was porn consumption. Real women are so much more fun;)

_________________
"The strong did what they could and the weak suffered what they must." - Thucydides

Seems like you solved your question. Good luck.

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So buy a damn cialis. The problem is you after all.

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These hos ain't loyal

lol, this is nonsense.

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Many, many women were abused by creepy uncles/grandpas/babysitters, etc. It's horrible, but it's true. They usually deal with it better than the men they reveal their secrets to.


Like you said, keep it light and chill. I think you're taking things too seriously, and analyzing too much as most men tend to do. Men will harp and obsess about tiny things (especially in the absence of the woman), while the woman has completely moved on regarding the "issue". And then when the man brings it up, she's like "wtf?" because it makes him look completely neurotic.

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Thanks, Arch.

I texted her today. Didn't even mention last Thursday. Just asked her if she wanted to go see Baby Driver, looks sweet, plus she's a huge movie fan. She tells me for July she needs to write 70 pages for her PHD in 30 days and she won't be able to do much else. Not a great response. (Really? You can't spare 2 hours in a month?) Rather than be reactive to this I just say 'That's ok, I'm going away to Vegas on Friday anyway' and move onto another topic rather than just leaving it there.

I don't believe she 'has no free time whatsoever' (Remember, kids: if she really likes you she'll find a way to meet you), but she hasn't totally blown me off. I'll message her occasionally and ask her out in a couple weeks, see what happens, but for the most part, if anyone's in a similar situation to this, it's best to move on to your other girls and not pay a lot of attention to this one that's pushing you away.

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"The strong did what they could and the weak suffered what they must." - Thucydides