Dated this girl over four years ago for just over half a year. She broke up with me and I've never talked to her since. But before I leave the country in a few weeks, I'm curious about how her life has turned out. And I also want to hook up with her. She's one of those people who are on messenger about once a day so it's hard to get in contact with her.

I messaged her about 24 hours ago saying "hey X I'm back in town how've you been?". She's active an hour ago so she's definitely seen it. I'm gonna assume that she wants to see me and just doesn't know how to respond. I'm gonna wait one more day then try again but I have no idea what to say. And I have no idea how to make her want to hook up with me if we do meet up. Do I just flirt and be very direct about it? I've had one girlfriend ever so obviously have zero experience hooking up with exs. I want to be very straightforward about just wanting to hook up and at most be FWBs but dunno if that's the best play here.

GFTOW

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These hos ain't loyal

You must've really pissed her off if she didn't respond. What did you do to make her break up with you?

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

I didn't do anything in particular to piss her off. The spark in our relationship died. We were running out of things to talk about and our dates were no longer fun. She also became more in control of the relationship. She would dictate when we had sex and knew she could control me with that. Probably not the most attractive quality in a man.

Back then I was a horrible conversationalist. I honestly don't know why she even liked me in the first place cause I was such a shitty human being compared to now. She probably realized that I cared more about hooking up with her than about her. Things are different now because ever since quitting porn I see women as more than just something to stick my dick into. Yes I do still want to fuck her but before that's basically all I wanted from her. But she definitely doesn't know how much I've changed in the last four years. I really hope she is just genuinely not sure how to respond as opposed to ghosting me.

I handled our break up like a little bitch. The day we broke up we spent a couple hours in my room talking. We made out. I started reaching down her pants for some break up sex and she said "we shouldn't be doing this". I almost cried at several points during those couple hours cause I was relying on her for validation and I knew that I would be broken and alone with her gone. I could not have handled it worse. She still wanted to be friends. I was having none of that. She cried and made me promise that I would talk to her again. I did, walked her to the door and watched her leave. If it means anything, she looked over her shoulder. But again, I could not have handled it worse.

She isn't down because of how things went with you two in the past. Just meet more women and show them the new you and they won't know your past as a man not as strong as you are now, and some of them will be down. I get the allure of being back with the girl you were once with, but it's so much more rewarding to meet new women.

Aside from the near tears and attempting to fuck her, this echoes my last breakup. Couple of hours of talk and make out and her saying how she wants to be remain good friends and really putting her heart into saying it, and a part of me actually believed her.

Either 1 of 2 things happened:

1: She broke up with you at a time when you weren't 'hitting your potential'. (Being the best you can be, rocking at life, you being you)
or 2: You were being your best self and you two just didn't really connect/weren't compatible.

In a nutshell, unless you've truly made strides for yourself and improved in whatever areas of your life you were lacking, she is very unlikely to bother with you. If you're the same dude she broke up with way back when, why would she want any of that now? Harsh truth, but that's what we gotta deal with.

From what you've said, you've made improvements, and well done, bro. But how does she know you have? How does she know you're genuinely more interesting/fun/better to be around with or whatever the improvements are? Hard one to get across to someone you haven't talked to in years, not to mention set up a meeting.

And now that she hasn't bothered to look at your message in full isn't a great sign and another message will probably send off needy signals.

Be aware that the chances of you getting to fuck her again are very, very, very slim and that you're better off spending that time on someone new.
Mate, unless she's an extremely shy, introvert girl, stop kidding yourself. It can be hard to accept, but she is ignoring you. The sooner you're able to face reality, the sooner you'll be able to tackle your problems effectively.

If you're still willing to give it a shot, in a short message, invite her out for something you know she likes. Drinks, bowling, pool, what the hell ever. Be fun and whatever you do, please don't let the invitation be: 'Hey X, guess you didnt see my last message. Haha. Would you like to go bowling some night whenever you're free.'

P.S If she doesn't respond to the 2nd message, move on immediately. You'll be doing yourself a favour. Take it from someone who was the biggest sufferer of oneitis on the planet.

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"The strong did what they could and the weak suffered what they must." - Thucydides