Things recently didn’t work out with a shy woman I was dating. I’m 30 and she’s 26. We met on a dating website. Ever since I started messaging her on the dating site, she never asked me any personal questions (not even in phone texting or in person). For instance, I might ask her about her job, but she never responds with something like “what about you?”. Even if I asked what she did over the weekend or what her plans are for the upcoming week, she wouldn’t ask me the same question. This never changed.

The first date lasted about 1.5 hours and we both had fun but I was carrying the entire weight of the conversation. We went for a walk at the end and it ended with a hug. Afterwards, she opened up quite a bit in texting and I saw her witty and funny side (she also said she had fun). We had a second date at a pub that lasted for about an hour and we greeted with a hug and the date ended with a hug (both times it was an affectionate and not awkward hug). She was the same as she was on the first date though; very quiet and never asked me any personal questions and pretty much never tried to pick up the conversation during an awkward silence.

There was a very long awkward silence and I got us out of the bar by suggesting we go for a walk (I finished my beer and her glass of cider was half full). Things didn’t improve after walking for 5 minutes and I told her she should get going because she has work tomorrow. It’s worth mentioning that she was always very sweet and polite and she always showed up early for dates. Both dates were on Sunday.

I sent her a text the next day and here’s how the conversation went:

Me: hey, I know yesterday didn’t end as well as the coffee date. I’m getting some mixed signals and I’m wondering if you might be shy and need some time to open up? Or were you just not feeling any chemistry in person? If you think we should both move on, let me know and I’ll stop texting you. But I just wanted to add that I had fun with you and I think you’re very witty, funny and sweet, something just felt off the other night. Regardless though, I still had a great time getting to know you these past few weeks.

Her (she responded in a few minutes): Hey [my name], I think unfortunately it’s true that I just wasn’t feeling any chemistry. Sometimes it takes a while to notice, sometimes it’s sooner.. Thank you so much for taking the time to try and get to know me, even if for a short while. I’m sorry. I think you’re incredibly nice and funny as well, and I truly wish you the best!

Where did I go wrong? Was she just shy and I didn’t have the proper game to date a shy woman? What are things you have to do with shy women that you wouldn’t have to do with outgoing women? How long does it take for them to open up in person and how do you get them to open up?

I think it was partially my fault because during our conversations, I was mostly asking her lots of questions about herself and I didn’t tell her any interesting stories or talk about myself too much because she never asked about me. Also, on the second date, we talked about her current and previous job again, just like on the first date, and that was the longest and most involved topic of conversation on both dates.

Also, if a woman is nervous on a first date with you, is it a sign that she likes you? What are the usual signs of her being nervous? Is it usually things like her not being what she’s like in text? For example, she’s not confident and doesn’t start banter anymore, but is still able to hold a conversation and reveals very personal details that she didn’t reveal in text.

Next time, just escalate. Kiss, take her back to yours. If she's coming on dates, assume she wants to hook up. Many of these shy chicks go on dates with guys like yourself, who over talk instead of action and nothing happens. Kiss her, grab her, take her back to yours. Push until you get a no. Once youve slept with them, they open up.

Mistake.
LOL.


Lame.


LOL.
Silence is not fucking awkward.Your insecurity about the silence is. There is nothing wrong with two people sitting at a bar, listening to the things around them and enjoying a nice drink, while she wonders and you wonder about each other. In fact, it's kind of hotter than yapping away. It shows strength from both people.

This woman is more emotionally centered than you. She didn't need to fill the talk gaps because she was worried.

By "things didn't improve" I assume you mean there was (OMG!) actual moments without words spoken, so you panicked and told her she should go home, LOL. What a neurotic move.


NEVER, ever send this kind of a text to a new/newer-ish girl. This is an embarrassing, cringeworthy piece of shit of a text my friend.

Why do men do this? Why do they get all neurotic and start going into Debbie Downer meta "talks" with a brand new girl?

This is supposed to be fun, supposed to be light. Never text new women with negative emotions. It is a huge red flag that you will be a whiny, Debbie Downer bitch months down the road if you're already doing it after TWO dates.

I use the same criteria/test method for women I date. If they ask me a lot of "why" questions and get naggy/negative early, I walk away.

Sorry OP, but you need your butt kicked for this complete lameness.

Jesus Christ. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. She went on TWO dates with you, man. She thought you were hot. She may have been willing to give it another shot until you sent this emotional Debbie Downer text, lol. This shit is embarrassing.
What the fuck?

What is the point of sending this text? You;re acting like this is your wife, or your LTG. Perspective, man!
Horrible, kiss-assy, way, way over-invested for a girl who has never even unzipped your pants. And I would never even send this to my long term girlfriend.

Do yourself a favor. Take a sticky note, and write this on it:

1. Is this a negative emotion?
2. Are my texts longer than a sentence?
3. Is this response appropriate for a woman whom I don't even know?
4. Am I texting like a man who has options?

Stick it to your phone, and read it before texting girls.


She doesn't want to see you ever again.

No, you don't have the proper game to date women, period. Good game overcomes any kind of woman, from born agains to feminists. It just doesn't matter.

You went wrong because you failed to act like a dominant male. Shy women, in my experience are crazy in bed. They are also often very submissive and very feminine. This means they are looking for a very dominant man.

You needed to take control.

You did not.
The same 5 rules apply to all types of women:

1. Emotionally-centered.
2. Fun, teasing with slight indifference.
3. Leading, confidence, dominant.
4. Good in bed.
5. Fitness.

The same as any other woman.
Boring.

If a woman agrees to go on a date with you, she thinks you are cute and might fuck you. That's all you can infer.


Who gives a shit? None of this matters. She went on a date with you. She thought she might fuck you. you talked her out of it.

IMHO, she may have gone on another date with you. But you forced her hand with your emotionally-uncentered text about "I'll never text you again if you think we should move on".

Your "shy" woman acted like the man during this entire thing. You acted like the submissive woman. So she bounced you.

Next date you go on, go for drinks. Make the woman pay for hers. Tease her about her hair, use a few light negs. Keep your sentences short, like Clint Eastwood would, not long, rambling feminine stories about work. A half hour in, invite her back to you place. This shows her you are acting in a dominant fashion and leading.

If you are too chicken to invite her back, go for the kiss instead of a hug at the end of the date. ALWAYS go for the kiss first date.

Women want to be taken out of the mundane. They want to catch a buzz, have mind-blowing, dirty sex, then cuddle and tell secrets. They want passion, and this passion comes from a dominant male.

Head to your local book store and peruse the romance novel section. Look at the covers. When you are the rock, emotionally-centered, fit, playful/teasing, slightly indifferent, and great in bed, that is how women will treat you.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

I feel sorry for any woman who's ever gone on a date with "Arch Stanton."

_________________
Likes attract likes. All comments are geared towards generating lasting attraction for the purpose of a relationship with a well-rounded female (attractive, well educated and cultured, plus knows what she wants in her work and personal life).

Coffee date strikes again.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I'm not sure what happened here but it sounds like you allowed her to stay bottled up by the way you acted. Shy women do take more work but they are often the best types of women when you get them to open up. Man up and be in control but allow her to have a voice.