1) To be honest, I haven't felt like this in a decade. I have been trying to get her out of my head with all kinds of distraction, including dating other women, but I can't shake her out of my mind. Distraction through exercise also helps but again only for a while. I have deleted all contact details (save emails) and have instructed two friends who both know her not to give me her phone number if I ask for it. I am going full-on cold turkey. I have tried some amateur psychology on myself. I have literally been slapping myself on face each time she comes into my mind. That does work! ...But only for a while. I tried running through all her bad points. That helps slightly but only for a while as ultimately I am still thinking of her.

Damn it! All I can think is that I'm having some sort of mental breakdown or something. Or maybe falling in love is a bit like a mental breakdown?! I would have hoped her impact would be fading a little by now but even if I go for most of a day barely thinking about her, BANG she's back causing this pit in my stomach. If you want the truth it's all quite painful. It's feels worse than almost all of my splitups with proper relationships. It like someone died or something... Not fun.

What isn't helping is that I have been told that I'm going to see her for sure in what is now 3 weeks time at a wedding, and exactly how I'm going to handle her then keeps playing on my mind. I had firmly decided to be calm and polite and talk to her as little as possible. But there is still a 5% chance she will want to have more of a chat than that and try and corner me, particularly if I haven't communicated for whatever it will have now been i.e. about 5 weeks. We both live in the same small city and have mutual friends. She very clearly WANTS to keep me as a friend. And as we have not had a "friendship is not an option" conversation so she is quite likely to seek some sort of clarification if nothing else by then. And if she does that, then... I keep thinking of alternative 'more masculine' ways to play it. And damn-it there I go thinking about her AGAIN.

It's hard not to see it as weakness, because I certainly behaved weakly as a result.

2) Thanks. What happened with Mystery - did he get the girl I don't know much about him. (Or is that why he ended up in the PUA scene?)

4) Yes I have. Good point. Maybe my "game" was better than I thought! The weekend before The Hug incident I spent lots of time flirting with other women right under her nose. And maybe that's part of what got her more interested. :^/

5) It's just possible that you could be correct despite what others around here are saying. For one thing she is a well-educated 'well-bred' British lady and these creatures do operate by slightly different rules, but ultimately probably not all that different rules. Yes, I'm pretty sure she would need me to show more 'masculine'/assertive dominant/confident behaviour. This could be arranged although it's so much harder now that I have fallen for her.

Either way I have totally decided not to communicate with her until I see her at that wedding. Hopefully I will be calmer, feeling more in control by then.

There is a complicating factor which is that when strong I am a strong Type B not strong Type A personality. i.e. I am generally self-contained and security in myself as to not need to keep proving myself by winning against other people and I feel little or no need to compete with other people, but more to compete with if anyone myself.

Her psychology is very different. She seems exceedingly competitive in conversation. More Type B I guess. But not all the time, she can turn it off. My take is that I think she is hurting deeply from previous failed relationships. I am told that she had two "very tempestuous" relationships with tall, sporty, strongly competitive, arrogant, highly intelligent Type A personalities. And then went out with the exact opposite - a short, unathletic rather dweeby, uncompetitive, frankly rather dweeby guy. I didn't mind him and always assumed that he must have some amazing hidden talent, but the other ladies who knew him were pretty non-plussed by him. I think now that she's just confused but what she really wants.

I think part of the reason I didn't pick up that she was potentially interested was that she kept trying to bust my balls SO hard that is was actually quite comic. The truth is that I seek a relationship of harmony not conflict and so I saw nothing appealing there in who she was being. I just shrugged and thought: "Who can understand the mind of a woman." And "I don't know what she thinks I've done to deserve this but I certainly wouldn't want to go out with someone doing THAT all day..."

Whereas it now transpires that she was in fact testing my metal and wanting to see some 'masculinity' from me. The problem was it was so extreme that I just found it amusing and a turnoff. She may well still have a strong need to be in conflict with men and that is something I would need to take charge of and assertively just shut all that stuff down. I am not going to let her bring a whole load of bullshit from her previous relationships into ours if we ever have one. It's just not how it's going to be.

6) Yes I am doing as much. So far it's not really helping. Although perversely of course telling a woman that you are in love with someone else helps them relax with you and frees you up to do some push-pull to gently mess with her head. Anyhow watch this space.

The weird thing about it is that she's not that young and not even all THAT good looking. It's just that I seem to be in the grip of this weird obsession. I guess nobody ever said love was going to be rational.

Enough.