Hey guys

As the title suggests i'm considering something of an open relationship. I've never really been in one explicitly, obviously there are grey areas in dating.. but i'd like to hear from someone with some experience with it.

I'm a junior in college, and there is a girl i dated over the summer. We really kicked it off actually, but she goes to school 8 hours away, so thats a challenge. I've thoroughly debated just ending the whole thing, its not something thats off the table for me, but i think it would be better if i could somehow change the settings on the relationship to being more open. I think it'd probably be healthier, although again, i don't really know how to approach it, or what its even like to be in one, so if anyone has advice, i'd love to hear it.

Are you okay with her fucking other dudes?

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You'd be better of ending it on friendly terms. You can still hookup when and if you meet, but being in a relationship of any kind is pointless when long distance is involved.

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are you currently exclusive with her? is she exclusive with you?

My experience with it, is that the more open relationships you have had, the easier it gets to not really care what the other person is doing. If you are/were really close with her it probably will be a lot more difficult to have a healthy open relationship.

If you're not officially exclusive right now, I wouldn't do too much. Maybe text her every once in a while or when you're gonna head back home to see when she will be in town. Mainly for logistics purposes, if you're talking to her all the time she will think that you want to be exclusive which it doesn't sound like you want to do.

Hey so far as my own personal situation goes, i don't have a ton of time to commit to going out. I'm a physics major and the coursework is pretty intense, so the setup i have going, while not being great obviously, at least guarantees that i'm having sex with an attractive girl every other week. The same kind of thing isn't guaranteed if i leave things on good terms and just pursue things here.

That said tho, I'd like to know why you think LDRs aren't worth the effort.

Yea so i almost assume thats already happening, or is going to happen at some point. Like there's good reason it isn't and won't, but i've cheated before and my ex didn't have an inkling of doubt that i was doing that, so i think everything can be going smoothly and well between us, and she's still maybe doing whatever on the side. If its a bit more open, then its not so deceitful, and i think that improves the quality of whatever we got going on.

I'm also open to experimenting with things a bit, like i don't care too much about it so if its doable, then its worth hearing what experienced members might have to say. Admittedly tho, i'm still quite young i think, so probably pretty naive too. Thats why i like to bounce these ideas off you guys.

Obviously your not in a committed relationship. Have you considered just keeping your mouth shut?

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Because distance creates distance.

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I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Distance can indeed create mistrust - particularly if your bond was weak to begin with. You're basically near relationship forming stage, when trust is extremely fragile.

I'll tell you this, do whatever you want, but make sure you talk directly and openly with her about it. There is nothing I can gather about the strength of your relationship with her from your post. If it's weak, I would let it go. If you REALLY kicked it off, you can discuss a LDR.

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This

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Don't go the safe route. Go meet other women, because at any moment this girl can decide to not fuck you and that is that.

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These hos ain't loyal

Well, yea to give a back drop, she's from maryland, goes to school in ohio, was doing an internship in jersey over the summer when she met me. We dated, it was pretty great, solid chemistry but we were both pretty much convinced that it like wouldn't work long distance, or at least, given our lifestyles, neither of us had intentions of making it work.

So i had plans to go out to ohio to visit my friend who goes there (met her thru him) the week following her leaving. So i figured i'd basically party with my friend, have sex with her, that'd kind of be that.. good summer, go back to jersey for school and work on things here.

This is kind of the monkey wrench in the whole situation tho, is that she actually fucked this dude she was dating before me like the week she got back. Then kind of realized, the week i was there, that it was a "huge mistake" and told me about it while we were getting dinner at the end of the week. Tbh i laughed kind of hysterically when she said it, which was maybe an insane response, but i thought it was incredibly funny. I didn't think anything of the guy, and i thought it was a really bad look for her to have done that.. i mean she was crying because she'd thought i would never speak to her again since she did that. (still considering it!)

Anyway, maybe that was just shock, cuz it settled in and i was actually pretty hurt by it like a half hour later. Still had sex with her, then the next day she was like being a bit stuck up, kind of self important/rude, so i basically said if she didn't cut the shit, that i was going to leave Ohio and she'd never see or speak to me again. Which i did, and then she like totally freaked the fuck out and followed me all the way back to jersey to basically fix things as best she could.

TL:DR: I think she really wants to be with me, but i just don't trust her enough to make a real go of it. I am considering alternatives or input.

The real problem isn't doing an open relationship, it's the fact she's 8 hours away.

I've been in an exclusive relationship for about nine months now, with a "green light" option (instigated by me, lol, but in a hopefully charming way). My girl is bi, and I do feel attracted to other women sometimes, so our only rule is if we want to fuck someone else, we all have to be in the same room. I've exercised this option one time.

Perhaps you can set up something like this.

I like her honesty! Despite fucking the guy, this is the kind of honest communication that LTR are built on.
Ha, this girl loves you. Actions always, always speak louder than words. Keep her as a FWB until she's in your same zip code.

Good work, IMHO. So many weak moves on this forum, but you have this girl.

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Yea, i think, at minimum, i will go out more and put in an effort. I'm pretty good looking, i'm in good shape, have a science major, i'm pretty well read in various things for my age, and i'm not some anxious mess.. i can communicate just fine. Like i don't think it'd be hard to find someone who was interested you know? i think i have a lot to offer, its just that i'm aware of that, and i don't really see a huge need to hone my dating skills or anything.

That said tho, you raise a good point, one that i'm downplaying/dismissing; its important to have options...

She's way too impulsive. You don't trust her... so anything serious, regardless of distance, should be ruled out. I don't blame you there.

If you can keep your emotions in check, you can keep her around as a FWB.

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