I dont always have oneitis, but when I do, take quite some time to not be affected by it. I was hooking up with a girl early this year, but I got oneitis, and most of the time things goes bad, well this was my case, got LJBF.

I know I can have her back, I holded my ground and a few months after she was contacting me again, showing interest wanting to meet. But the thing is, she is a beautiful cool girl?yes, but she is a train wreck.

I am still attached to her, so I avoid contact, I bumped with her few times this year(lots of IDIs), but always briefly. Next month I will go to a trip with friends, she will be there probably with another guy. This trip is not like I am super excited to go, and this new fact is making me give up of it. Its not like I gonna cry or do some show, like I said before, I always hold my ground. But I will be bothered about it for sure. I dont think the trip worth the "bothereness", but it could be me rationalizing this weakness. A second opinion will help...

Go on the trip and flirt with all the girls. A woman preventing you from having fun and she isn't directly involved in your life is a sign that you are needy.


Go to the trip, make yourself stronger, stop sulking .

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Treat oneitis like you have a cold.

Its easy to say " Go to the trip and just be a man and be unaffected" but are you honestly emotionally in a space in which you can successful execute that? Probably not. Going on this trip, being around a girl that you have oneitis for thats out with another guy is damn near that same as going outside with a cold, during a snow storm without a coat. You're probably only going to make the situation worse.

We all get slight oneitis from time to time; some in more intense forms than others, but the sooner you see it coming, the sooner you can do something about it. Its a sickness, and things almost never go well when you have it. The more you go through it though, the better your "emotional immune system" gets at dealing with it and fighting it off.

I think steering clear is your best option. However there is always the possibility that you can use the energy of this situation to spring board you forward and motivate you to attracting someone else quickly.

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^This

Being around a woman who is still an object of desire can actually create a mini trauma of sorts if she ignores you, or you see her with another. Why do that to yourself and put yourself willingly in harms way? Just to show her something? No, that makes no sense. Take care of yourself. I'd stay clear away from going on this trip tbh.

That's tantamount to telling someone with a broken arm to buck up and get back in the cage and keep practicing swinging home runs.

You're telling the guy to skip the trip with his friends because of one girl. He has a month to get his shit together. If the trip was next week then I'd say don't bother going. If he can't get over a chick in a month in addition to the other months that he already said he has avoided contact with her, when will he learn? He already has a few months avoiding contact. This should be the urgency he needs to get over the girl. He should be thinking "yes finally this month will dedicate my time to finally getting over the onetis, if I don't I can't go on the trip with my friends".

Stop the coddling shit. He already has months under his belt avoiding the girl. The trip is in a month. OP do your best this month. No contact for a whole month. Game chicks. Do it with urgency.

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If he's still feeling the attachment is still there, I am absolutely recommending he skip the trip.

Urgency? So basically creating a SHOULD which will only generate further anxiety if he perceives he's not living up to an expectation he's now created for himself.

That's not coddling, its being reasonable and caring for one's self.


"He already has a few months avoiding contact." Ok. And?

Will the same advice be given half a year from now ? What if he is in the same place ? Will you advice him to skip it then.


He's already 4 months. The sooner he realizes this girl isn't worth it the better.'

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Hopefully he's moved on by then. Still rather soon, there's a fine line between taking care of one's self (and one's wound) and pushing beyond fear bit by bit. I suggest he do both. But if the attachment is as strong as it appears then I suggest he take baby steps by merely talking to other women, and progressing from there. But giving himself a 1 month time frame is likely asking a bit of a grande expectation given where he's currently at.

To be clear I definitely encourage him to at least speak to other women so at least he gets over that initial awkwardness of meeting new people. You can do this while tending to your wounds, but its more about baby steps than dropping one into the deep end (difference between Exposure Therapy/Graded Exposure vs Flooding where you place the person directly into the experience that is the stimulus for the fear).

I highlighted the part where I am agreeing. Action. As long as he is taking action to cure his problem. I think the OP can decide where his headspace is at. He can see this as a good test to see if he can get over the chick in a month or he can take the long route and do it bit by bit if we go with your assumption that he is still severely attached. Either way as long as this isn't twiddling with his thumbs at home watching porn, that's good to me.

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Assuming she's a pretty big trigger for him say 9/10, bumping into her at this point can be traumatic and he may not know how to contain it. Any progress he's made to this point can easily be washed away from that one exposure. Hence baby steps. If he's not ready in one month that's fine, he can decide whether he feels able to handle it or not at that point.

Great advices. I liked the analogy of cold, it is really that. I know i could push foward but, I prefer try to move on in a smooth way.