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n2thevoid,
you're right. that is, if I understood you correctly. if I am not mistaken, you're being sarcastic, you're trying to say I do want someone in my life, right? otherwise I would chop my dick off and move to the forest. you know, since yesterday my opinion changed. today I went out and met this armenian girl, although it was brief and it didn't get anywhere, I flirted a little bit, just the flirting was nice. I could see myself going to places with her and fucking her.
I am also going to make a separate post regarding a suggestion you gave me couple of weeks back. you said something like "fall in love with yourself, do whatever the fuck you want, take off your shirt, chase a chicken down the lane" although I didnt chase a chicken, I did do something similar and that was really life changing. I fell in love with myself and felt complete. but it was temporary. I will make a separate post about it later on.
Heywood,
hi.
Mr. Assertive,
I am considering all my options as far as the sex industry. also, one suggestion you gave me was interesting, you said I should find a way to get people to open up. I am still trying to figure out how. "where are you from" and shit like that doesn't open them up.
Bart. You're a human BEING, first and foremost. I FEEL if you could temper your thoughts with some experience, you would dramatically evolve as a human being.
What I see before me is a guy who is addicted to thought - "What if this" "What if that" ad infinitum.
You aren't abnormal, a lot of people are addicted to thought. Hell thought is the greatest addiction of all time that afflicts more people on this planet than addiction to substances, gambling behavior, hoarding and every other addiction summed up as one.
Yet nobody hardly ever talks about it and its insidious effects. Why? Because most people live unconsciously, governed by their minds. They are the stage coach asleep at the reigns, and the horses, the 'mind' are pulling him every which way. As Eckhart often says, learn to use your mind, rather than allowing your mind to use you.
In practical language, I can see you'd benefit from some sort of Somatic Experience work. There are many books on the topic. Look up anything by Dr. Peter Levine. Learn to inhabit your body, less so your head.
This is the way for you, Bart, to gain mastery over your life. To regain control (or gain control for the very first time) over your mind and liberate yourself from the habitual suffering inflicted on you by your addiction to thought.
I would also strongly suggest you do some sort of mindfulness meditation. There are various guided meditations you can find on youtube for free that can help you integrate the mind/body connection. You can only learn this experientially, Bart. I, nor anyone else here can describe this process to you and expect you to 'get it' - it would be akin to describing chocolate to someone who has not only never heard the word before, but someone who has never tasted it or anything like it. He/she would have to experience it, the sum being greater than the whole, to fully appreciate chocolate - such is life.
Follow your path Bart, you're well on your way. But know this, through your mind, you won't seek any salvation or true growth. Get back in the game, crack some eggs, do some of the Somatic Experiencing I talked about through meditation or other means and become a human BEING, rather than the mindless stage coach getting tossed around, directionless.
CHAT