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100%.
Neo, glad you broached this rather than me having to do it - saved me the bothert.
Her asking how you'd respond to her cheating doesn't mean she'll cheat.
It is far more likely that she's asking you this as a means to gauging your investment in the relationship/her, and is probably looking for an jealousy evoked response (she's 19, sorry I don't give her a lot of credit).
If it were me I'd be honest as with most things - "I'd be hurt, the trust would be breached not sure if it could ever be earned again, or I'd be willing to stick my neck out and give you the chance to do so." and I'd follow-through because i have a boundary that I am only going to share myself with people I can trust. The boundary is for me, not anyone else.
If she followed-through and cheated it'd come out somehow, somewhere, at some point. People can't keep things in unless they have sociopathic tendencies but even sociopaths have narcissistic traits where they will often gloat to others about their conquests.
What you said about being honest about things is what the article was trying to get at. The title of the article is probably being misunderstood. Of course you can't have a fool proof plan that cements your girlfriends loyalty...
this is taken from the article I provided. I am not sure if you guys just skimmed through the article or just saw the topic but this is where reading and taking in the details comes into play. The OP had a situation where he was asked that question, I just provided him the tools to formulate his reply, for anyone to formulate a reply to this question. This question also reveals what you consider important in a relationship and what you will not tolerate.
The reason it is your responsibility to lay out your limits, and the consequences, is because this is an essential part of a good-faith effort (on your part) to be a competent, clear communicator (the type women are always clamoring after in feminist literature). You will see how, in many cases, your Soft Words fall on deaf ears, and make no behavioral impact on her in the end - but they do allow you to say “I did my best,” and be telling the truth. Setting clear, unambiguous boundaries in relationships is one of the best foundations you can lay for happiness.
It is essentially what you guys have replied with. The author of the article did not say it was fool proof, he is merely advocating standing up for yourself and your boundaries. We all have had that one girl that will ask us probably out of curiosity "what would you do if I cheated" the article I provided just provides the mindset you should have if she does casually approach the question. It should also jog something within you to stick by.
Example 1.
When I lived with my girlfriend 3 years ago, I did something terrible. I allowed her to change me. My words fell on deaf ears. She engaged in behaviors that I knew did not make me happy but I was lost and I was spiraling downwards. Eventually one day, I remembered that I told her certain things would happen, and I finally had enough. I visited this article and I remembered what I told her if she did things that I did not like, she talked to her ex behind my back a few times. It wasn't friendly. Eventually we broke up. But I enacted what I said I would, I did not talk to her anymore, i did not want to know about her day, she lost all of my attention and affection. She was gone from memory. Repressed. Done. The next few weeks after I stuck to my guns were brutal, she was a hostile little woman until the day she moved out. She took shots wherever she could claimed that " I did not know you were this much of an asshole".
She thought I was bluffing. Now she knows. She has her friends ask about me to my other friends as of late. Luckily my friends have my back and don't disclose anything. Lesson learned.
I read the article, even went back to it a few times to see if I missed your point. It's a guide on how to get your gf to act right, that is what the vast majority of it is about and its use of freeze outs. The author even says:
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A lot of it has to do with her shit-testing you and the proper way to handle it without failing. Hopefully people can get some good principles to take away from this article.
My assertion is, that guides like this are terrible because they encourage seeing red flags as "shit tests." You see a girl showing you a bad side of her, and you try to use freeze outs, or words to change, as if that has any real power. Guys mistake a girl's reaction or increased interest to mean they've actually changed anything. Even in your eg, did you change your ex? Not really. If you were to make a chase a bit more and taken her back, eventually she'd go speak to her ex again. And its not because of YOUR boundaries, its because thats who she is.
I'm all for honesty. Chick says that to you in bed....be honest. But that doesnt mean to ignore the glaring red flag of a gf talking about cheating before she goes on a drunk vacation. I'm more cynical than n2; I'd more take it as she's thinking about cheating, than she's trying to get an emotion from me. Because truth is, if after a year, she doesnt think I'm invested enough in the relationship, then you have a girl who is unsure about our relationship going to get drunk in another city. And a girl who is unsure of your investment just has the rationalizion of "well its ok if sleep with X at the party, Neo doesnt really seem committed despite what he said that one time."
And again, if OP thinks as he said, this means his gf is gonna cheat, then why is in a relationship where he doesnt trust his gf? I swear, I read this stuff and am always suprised how guys talk about their girls. I can never imagine thinking "my gf is probably gonna cheat when she goes away" like thats NORMAL, or even something that can be fixed with communication. Same way if I were walking down a street, if I thought "I'll probably get shot walking down this street" why the fuck wouldnt I just get get off the street?! That thought would trigger me to stop and ask myself why am I proceeding?
Now, maybe it IS an innocent comment on her part; a "test" of some kind. In that case, she's STUPID for bringing that up when she's going home to party and get drunk. And if she's that stupid, then guess who the easiest girl to fuck while she's drinking away from her bf? My point is, looking at women's actions as tests does more harm than good.
CHAT
