You've got the first part right, the second part not so much.

A lot of guys (and girls) will tell you that hooking up with other people during the grieving (detachment) process only compounded their misery and prolonged suffering.

It's akin to having somebody with a heavily entrenched addiction to simply do less of it over time and expect to get over their disease. If you sliced your hand open, would you go right back out there after having bandaged up and play some more baseball? If you had any sense about you, you wouldn't. You'd lay off of it till it fully healed. Breakups can be traumatic, and the pain felt is experienced in much the same way somebody's brain would react to physical pain.

Sleeping with women is just a form of outward seeking. It is no different than the alcoholic drinking to numb himself fromm his woes. He can't bare to be present in his own life so he drinks to escape it, and thereby delves further into unconsciousness.

So, to the OP, I would suggest you take the time to grieve and feel your feelings. That doesn't mean you should be a shut-in, it just means to lay off matters of the heart for the time being until you've healed (u'll know when). It takes a lot becoming vulnerable with someone, it takes courage in particular to be vulernable with one's self.

Bedding women isn't any more of an answer than shooting up heroin or gambling, or engaging in any other behavior to take you out of yourself and your circumstance. You can do that if you choose, but know that the pain will only be masked and be much more complicated to deal with later.

What you say is sensible, and I agree that bedding women isn't the complete answer and can become an addiction/mask. But bedding a woman who is younger, hotter, smarter and better in bed than the ex is an instant cure.

You just have to go through a few to find that one.

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No, it's not.

The pain people feel when breaking up with someone who they cared about is real and such things as insta cures don't exist.
N2 is right about grieving, you're also right to a degree about meeting new people.

It's very similar to physical therapy after a serious injury. Allow yourself the minimum time needed to heal so you can function is critical, to avoid worsening your condition. However, once that bare minimum is met it's time to start pushing through the pain, in this case meeting people and getting back on track, to accelerate the healing process.

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It's because guys who get dumped, never stop the grieving process, most of them who I know are just numb, unable to do anything. While I support n2 point of view, grieving by itself is like going in circles.

Meeting other women on the other hand can have tremendous effects on ones psyche, boost of confidence, recognition from new people around him and it can make the dumpee realize that his ex wasn't that good as he though she was. Putting her off the pedestal and learning in the process that no girl is worth that kind of a pain ever again.

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The whole bedding women thing to get over a breakup is from an anachronistic paradigm of being a man; that is, that being 'in touch' with one's emotions is a sign of weakness. It's based off this hyper masculine view that men just 'do', and anything that falls short of that is shameful. The irony is it takes a lot more courage to be vulnerable than to simply suck it up and dis-acknowedge one's felt state.

They do. A younger, hotter, smarter woman who is better in bed will significantly reduce your ex thoughts in a week.


This I agree with.

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You're talking about thoughts and not healing. While your thoughts may be distracted, you're not really healing. This same girl can cause you greater pain because, how you describe it, is an improvement. If a girl is all around a better catch and then she decides to leave you, it'll be like ripping open the wound wider.

Plus, this whole younger, hotter, etc. is a self validation. Dating a hot girl is easy, but no guy that dates one really cares if the next one isn't as hot. It's nice if she is, but I wouldn't throw an attractive woman away just because she's not as hot as the last. The fact that the need to validate yourself with a hotter one really shows that you haven't recovered from the one that got in your head.

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