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Hold on, I haven't given her any money. I said no. Guilt trips don't and never will work on me.
Good for that was reason enough not to do it.
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He said that this is his girlfriend, not just a random girl that he has sex with. If he wants to lend his girlfriend money, it isn't setting a bad standard and there's nothing wrong with it as long as she isn't allowed to take advantage of it. If you have ever let a friend borrow money and they pay it back, why would you treat your girlfriend less than that?
Dynamics of any relationship significantly change when someone is owed something. I won't ever loan friends money for a few reasons, but that is main one. When your parents give you $100 that is one thing, but when they loan you that money with an expectation of you paying it back, thanksgiving dinner is a little different. "The borrower is slave to the lender". I still stand by even giving her money as a gift as being a bad precedent to set here. It really comes down to your source of value. If as some posters say men are supposed to take care of a women [financially] then go for it. I however would rather want her to receive value from me in other ways. This just leads to a bad place.
**I would even go further here to say that we as men, and leaders of the relationship would be most beneficial if we are considering the standards that are set for our relationships. Is it really the type of relationship that you really want? If it isn't then why not? Why would she even think that asking for money would be okay? Let's cut out the bullshit and actually make what we want, not what other people deem as okay. It seems to me that at least some here are going back on the information of common knowledge, or whatever "should" be acceptable in society, when it might be forgotten that we have the the option of choosing what we want (one of the major things that PU society was built on). For me the type of relationship where a girl asks me for money is not what I want, just as is going grocery shopping with a girlfriend. Some may prefer either but the important part is we have a choice.**
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Her not wanting to tell him why she needed the money was the same as her saying that she didn't really need the money. OP handled himself correctly by not giving it to her.
That or what she was using it for was sketch enough that she didn't want to reveal it.
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I wouldn't say that I'm insecure about that. I know that she doesn't smoke any substances, doesn't go to the club and that she only drinks occasionally, so I doubt my money is going to go towards anything like that.
Obviously your insecure about it, thus the reason for it even being an issue, but getting behind why you are insecure about this is going to be important for you.
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But regardless, as I earned the money I like to know what the money I worked hard to get is going to go towards.
A very interesting yet all too common way to look at money. The implication here is that you want to have control over something that you produced an effort for, thus revealing that because you did something things should be a certain way, viewing your money in a controlling yet possessive way. And that brings us back full circle to the woman. Because she is yours, you have a right to know what she is doing with your money. Full trust and lack of any insecurity would likely lead you to a different place here.
CHAT
