I know its probably too late by now but I need opinions. I am going to try to keep it short.

I started working a new job in September, was in a 2 year relationship at that point. Met a girl at the office and laid eyes on her day 1.
We started flirting but I was in my 2 year LTR and she was in a 7 year LTR. I'm 23, she's 25. We formed a group at work and a member of this forum became my friend and wing in real life. That group consisted of myself, him, her and another girl.

We went out for drinks on multiple occasions, and eventually we made out. Had a Christmas party in December, when me, my girl, the wing and his girl went to my girls place for the after party. I was too drunk to make a move during that night but did sleep with her in the same bed while they were in the other room. I woke up in the morning, thought to myself "why the fuck am I being an idiot?", woke her up, fucked her brains out and that was the start of it all.

Ever since then we've been regularly seeing each other, we leave work together, we come to work together. Except we hide. From everybody.
It was fun at first, a little secret. My wing was the only one who knew since he helped me in the process.

Anyway, sometimes we'd go out for lunch during weekend or whatever, but she'd only get intimate when we're in private - aka at her place. Affection is there, we get along very well. Personally I think she's still hungover her ex and overtime I started developing feelings for her.

I may have had a few needy scenarios, made some mistakes, poured a bit of my heart out when it wasn't appropriate. I've asked her to come out with me and my group of friends and be public multiple times, she always found excuses.

Last week I've asked her for exclusivity - my bad. She didn't say no to that, she just said no to showing ourselves in public. She's not seeing anyone else, but wants to keep the status quo.

Now we have a vacation planned in Paris in a couple of weeks. Two of us and the other girl from the earlier mentioned group. I can't do this. I don't want to go there and pretend to be nothing but friends, in god damn Paris for an entire week for the sake of ... i dont even know what.

I made a lot of mistakes and acted against my wings' advice multiple times even though it made absolute sense - out of my own weakness. It's too late to fix that now.

I want this to be a real relationship, and up until now I haven't had the strength to get up and walk if that did not happen. And even though I know I should be willing to lose her, I currently am not. I want to be, but saying I am would be a lie.

My wing says not to take this trip as it's not what I truly want. He's right, again. But if I don't there's no turning back.

Her behavior towards me hasn't changed. She always asks me to come over, initiates conversations with me all day long. But it's just not enough. I want a normal relationship, go our for a movie, drinks, coffee, with friends, the normal stuff.

I just need some perspective and see other viewpoints. I know I have to make sacrifices sometimes for my own growth, but I just don't understand why she's so obsessed with hiding.

I'm almost sure you've post about this girl a few times before but the bottom line is.. She's is so obsessed with hiding and unwilling to relent because you are unwilling to do anything about it.

What is the motivation for making changes if there is no consequence for doing so? And or if she doesn't respect you enough to honor your wishes? What you have to understand is, a woman can only love a man that she respects, once her respect goes out the window so does her love. So, how can a woman respect a man that is injecting himself into a relationship that forces him to hide who he is? Against his own will at that..

She's leading... And she can only think that this is secretly what you must want as well because you don't do shit. You just follow her lead, follow her orders and keep it a secret. She's the boss. And you do what she ask. Thats fine if thats what you want, but you want be happy that way.

You have to understand what it is you are sub communicating. And how can she respect that?

You either get some balls or the bullying continues. There is no magic pill someone is going to give you to swallow to change things. To make change you have to be willing to shake shit up.

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You're the perfect boyfriend without actually being the boyfriend. Lol.

This is what happens when you put her needs and wants first, sacrificing your own in the process.

In short, you're giving more than she deserves because you're weak and needy. Can it be salvaged? yes. Stop being weak and needy.
Will it be salvaged? probably not.
Because not being weak and needy is something you develop overtime not overnight. One step towards that would be doing right by you. Harder it is the better.

Don't fucking go to Paris man. Why the fuck would you? If it were the two of you then yea, by all means that could've been something awesome. If she's reluctant to show herself publicly in your home town (for who knows what reason), in a foreign country you can do whatever the fuck you wanna do just for the hell of it.
But you can't, because you have a third wheel.

Nah man. Don't do it.

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Agree. Also this is what happens when you are living a life of feeling that this one girl is the only girl in the world. Cultivate abundance man. Get out there and meet more women.

This is sad man, I mean that in a genuinely sympathetic way btw.

You need to give her the ultimatum. Either you are a couple publicly effective immediately or her and her friend go to Paris together without you. Simple.

Your lack of dominance on the issue has led to the secretive behavior being what she gets thrilled by, having a secret man right in front of everyone's noses. If she is thrilled by YOU then she should be prepared to share that with the rest of society otherwise you become akin to a babies comforter, your serving a purpose and keeping someone happy but if you just sit in that mouth waiting for things to get better she's just gonna suck and suck and your going to wind up chewed up and spat out in the process.

Seriously, if you have told her before how you feel and she cant even compromise let alone concede then she isnt somebody you should be in any sort of relationship with, even the worst of enemies can strike up a compromise.