Your English tells me you are not native. I suspect Asia, probably India.
From what other Indians have told us, dating there is *wildly* different than over here. The amount of advice I can offer you is quite limited.

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RSDTyler

Yeah, I agree. Fuck chasing. I'm not going to set a precedent where I'm going to accept her rotten attitude. It was pretty obvious after about an hour that it wasn't going anywhere. There are plenty of other women open to being seduced. Now obviously, I didn't expect a stranger to jump into my arms on a second date but she at least has gotta be open to the possibility of intimacy. This chick just wasn't having it. I held my easy-going frame for an hour and never reacted negatively. After that, I was ready to move on. Besides, I think it's better to minimize a bad experience to just an hour as opposed to three if we ever want to recover from that date.
If this were after the first date, I'd say no because when she asked about my relationships and I mentioned an ex of mine wanted to get back together but I wasn't having any of that, she said "well that's good to hear." I also like to frame every offer to take a woman out with something like "hey are you up for an evening of romance and shenanigans?" to playfully hint that I'm after more than just friendship.

However, on the second date, it definitely felt like any touching or intimacy I initiated was crossing some new boundary she had set for me (the first date she never rejected my touching).

Women will go out with guys they know are interested in them as more than just friends, but she is not sexually interested in. It's usually not cynical. She's likely had at least one boyfriend(if not a majority of them) that she was not sexually interested in. But those guys either never sleep with her, or it takes forever and the sex is bad.

Have you heard the saying about how pretty girls suck in bed? That comes from dudes dating girls who are not sexually interested in them. Pretty girls are more likely to date a guy her friends think she should rather than be single, and after a few months, she knows she has to throw him a bone, so they have sex a few times a month(or possibly less often). It's bad because she's not into it. Meanwhile, he bangs a couple of fat chicks and they're really into it(because he's way too hot for them) and he concludes that pretty girls are just bad when it comes to sex. He's wrong, but it matches his experience. He doesn't know how to distinguish between girls that like him and girls who are turned on by him.

My preference is cute nerds. Most girls I see are inexperienced. More often than not, they're good little church girls with a conservative background to boot. They often will take longer to have sex, but at the same time, every single one will kiss me on a first date. There has not been an exception for years, unless it spills out that she has a boyfriend.

Before I gained experience I would think that some girls wouldn't kiss on a first date. I literally never slept with a girl I couldn't kiss on the first night time date. It wasn't because they were too conservative, it was because they weren't sexually attracted to me. They just liked me. They themselves couldn't have told you what was up. I eventually learned on my own. Now I know how to tell if she's sexually attracted to me at all when I first meet her, just from eye contact and body language, but I think it requires first hand experience before you learn. Body language books and 60YOC are helpful. But it still takes time and exposure to pick up on all of it.

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RSDTyler

This one of those weird situations where its tough to know whats up. Maybe you were too touchy and it turned her off the first time? Maybe she liked you but was having a bad day? Maybe she's just messed up. Maybe she was shy? Maybe her ex called her and she was pissed. Weird shit happens with women.

Alright so I just decided to text her and get to the bottom of this:

Me: Are you attracted to me at all or just want to be friends?

Her: I don't think im interested, sorry.

Me: Were you ever interested?

Me: I guess i'm trying to get a little clarity on why the first date went so well and the second date it felt like you hated me...

Me: Any info would be appreciated

Her: Because I had fun and thought I was interested, and then realized I wasn't interested. We just don't get a long.

Me: Oh okay no prob

Me: Last question I swear, this would help me greatly, what turned you off?

Me: You seemed immediately turned off on the second date

Her: Honestly you seem then (and now) like you're trying too hard. It's just not my thing.

Me: Okay I appreciate the feedback, I wish you luck

She then never responded. I think she's just bitter about me ejecting on the second date, no guy has probably ever done that to her. But hey, she was being a total bitch. I'm also confused on how asking for feedback is "try hard."

What's funny is that she just said exactly what I told you.

But you're in Swingcat mode, so there's no lesson to be learned here.

You rejected her, man! You're the prize!

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RSDTyler

She said she "was" interested at first then changed, how is that the same as what you said (she was never sexually interested in the first place but kept dating anyway?) or is there some subtext here that I'm not getting?

What's Swingcat mode? What would be your advice to learn from this situation?

Reaction seeking?
That may or may not be useful feedback from her. Asking women open questions is a mixed bag as to the usefulness of the response. This girl liked you, but never sexually. After the date, she thought about it and it "didn't feel right". She went on a second date, and right off that "spark" wasn't there again. She knew she didn't want to date you. But girls have these politeness rules that are very different from ours. We'd rather she just shoot us down and get it over with. Girls don't like to be the one responsible for cutting things off, so they usually passively show disinterest and hope the guy "gets it".

You did exactly what you should have. And this is actually what most girls hope for, but don't really expect. She wants you to lead at all times. Good and bad. She probably figured that because you didn't "get" that there was no spark between you, you'd just hang around for the entire date(like most guys).

Women think about things very differently than men. With women, almost everything is about feelings. Women tend to be bad at giving you a logical explanation of what's going wrong, if you use a male language standard. But when you understand a situation, you can probably figure it out from what she tells you(you just need to translate Womanese).

"I had fun" (positive, gender neutral experience).
"I thought I was interested" (confusing friend with lover[something most inexperienced women do]).
"and then realized I wasn't interested" (There isn't that "spark").

You should be proud of yourself. You did everything you could have. You got her on a date. You attempted to sexually escalate. she had a good time.
When things weren't going well on the second date, you took the lead, ended things and walked away in control of the situation.

If you two were sexually compatible, you'd probably be banging her right now.

The only thing you need to work on is screening for sexual interest. And that takes some time to develop the experience. You did what you need to, in order to learn this.

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RSDTyler

Ouch. The whole walking away thing got killed when you texted her lol.

Here's my take, it's her, and maybe some of you. Look, the truth is the girls who are online are typically messed up or weird in some way. Not all but the majority. They're single and online for a reason. Maybe they're getting over a breakup, maybe they dont trust guys, maybe they play so many games that they have to date alot just to find a guy who puts up with their shit. But truth is, online dating is weird girl city.

Now, this girl was online supposedly looking for friends. Maybe she was. It's crazy to go on an online dating site and look for guys to be friends who arent interested in fucking you, but these girls do crazy shit. I know girls who are online doing the same thing and they always wonder why guys are trying to fuck them. Crazy. Sure, some girls claiming friends will fuck, but many are trying NOT to fuck or meet someone. She gets off on going out with guys, getting them to like her and then telling them she's not interested...then going home and saying, I was looking for a friend. So she was somewhat crazy to begin with. Simple rule I had when I online dated, don't talk to the girls looking for friends. Because weird shit follows.

My guess is you saw it as a date and may really have tried too hard. You were probably flirting which she liked, but THESE GIRLS ARE CRAZY. It's like the girls who take half naked shots online then post "no hookups" or "guys are just trying to sleep with me." Trust me, she's gonna do this several other guys. No one gets laid with these chicks. She'll pick other guys from online, go out and they'll last more dates because they wont flirt. But when they eventually make some move, she'll reject and go cold. I see these girls as a trap because typical date stuff doesnt work with them. When I first read your thread and said she was looking for friends, I thought "craziness ahead." It's like a trap. She's reserved so you gotta be more energetic to get her to relax and open up. But then she thinks you're trying too hard. If you get other girls, don't worry about this one. If you don't then look at whether you do come off as trying too hard.

I was actually pretty chill during the first date. I remember I was actively practicing talking slow, making solid eye contact, and building sexual tension. I was definitely more animated on a previous date with another chick that I ended up laying on the first night. The only thing I could see her saying that was "try hard" was when I mentioned via text (post first date) that I had a few other dates planned for the weekend, but hoped one of them would flake so we could meet up again. Even then, I wasn't trying to show off. I had genuinely enjoyed our time and hoped to do it again soon. However, I don't think I would change that in retrospect. I have no problem letting a woman know I have other options.

Personality wise, there was definitely something off-kilter about her compared to other women I've dated. This chick was very confrontational from the get-go on the second date. Usually, if a chick isn't sexually interested in me, they'll be distant but still behaved. Getting a "don't touch me" after pushing a physical boundary too many times in a creepy way is to be expected, but not immediately on first touch. That's pretty ballsy for a woman. But anyway, it's all good, this was a great learning experience.

@Versalis: Great article and insights. Definitely going to start screening out non-kiss closes on first dates. If they aren't attracted enough to give a single kiss at the end of a date in 2014, then I need to improve my attraction game and it's probably not worth continuing since it sets a bad precedent. I'm also going to start practicing a more low-energy but stronger sexual attraction game.