Answered, thanks!

It was exhausting for me to read that entire text chain. It sounds to me like you're trying way too hard. If you want to spend a lot of time texting phony banter, this text is perfect. If you want to save time and be more authentic, why not text something like this:

Me: Hi bb, was just thinking about you and wanted to say hi. How was your day?
Her: Her response
Me: So, I've got this really exciting amazing thing (whatever your hook is) and I'd love to take you. Let's go on Thursday.

2 response close. If she's not interested, you need to focus on your interactions before the text and maybe go out and meet 100 other women so you're not so dependent on this one.

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Can't hangout with her until Saturday (We've got a date planned..) But I can't just not talk to her for an entire week so I am trying to text her every other day or so.

I'm really bad at text game too. One thing I learned though, is to keep it short and simple. Don't keep the convo ongoing. Just remember she's just as responsible to message you first. If she is really interested she will always be the first one to text you. Also if you call her instead of texting, that will get you a lot of brownie points. It's more personal if you do it that way, and then she can actually hear your voice and feel more comfortable. Try calling her and asking her little questions. Keep it short and simple like asking her advice about something, or just seeing how her day was.

Constructively speaking... you sounded like a game show host trying to keep a contestant interested.

You really need to lose the lines and the fake wit... When that wasn't happening you seemed much better.

Other than my openner, nothing else were lines, I just wung it.

I'm not following... you're not the OP...

LoL apparently my phone is logged into a really old account.

Well regardless... The opener was canned, and you played off an old overused "kidnapping" line as well.

Re-read your convo. It's just you asking her questions in a really energetic "happy puppy" kind of way while she answers you briefly and doesn't reciprocate.

You wanted critique (the entire point of this thread)....... DON'T use canned shit and DO be yourself. It seems like you're trying too hard here.