Hey guys.

So I've been seeing this chick for a good few months now, usually about once a week. I'm 28 and she's 7 years younger. She's had a few boyfriends in the past by the sounds of it but I'm not sure how serious they got. Also worth mentioning that she lives with her parents. I'm keeping it casual, not doing anything needy and not bringing up the "where do we stand" chat despite really wanting to know where we stand! I've been going on dates and having sex with other girls but have decided that I really have a connection with this one.

From a general point of view, the last few months have gone like this:

Date 1: Bar date. K-close.
Date 2: Bar date. F-Close.
Date 3: Dinner date at my place. Oral (said she was on her period).
Date 4: Saw a show/Bar date. Got a cab home but she wouldn't come in with some lame excuse that she had to work the next day (at 11am!).
Date 5: We were coincidentally visiting neighbouring cities for the weekend and she asked me go stay the night in her hotel with her. Got a text just before I arrived along the lines of "just so you know, I've been being sick". No F-Close as she "felt ill" but she gave me a handjob the next morning.
Date 6: Cinema. Got a pre-meeting text saying she "thinks she has tonsillitis". Went on the date. Asked her to come stay at mine. She refused without giving me any sort of excuse. K-Close.

From a sexual perspective, I seem to be going backwards with this girl! She keeps "sewing seeds" prior to me meeting her which seem to be pre-emptive excuses. She's actively chasing me though and we've both played our part in initiating going on dates. It's messing with my head as on date 5 we spent nearly 24hrs with each other and she was super keen and we were super close. It felt like I was with a girlfriend and not someone who I've been casually dating.

What's going on here? Because she put out on date 2, is she trying to prove that she's not easy? Does she have intimacy issues? Is she waiting for someone else to come along and is just using me for affection in the mean-time? It's even crossed my mind that she's got an STI and is waiting for it to clear up!

It doesn't seem like friend-zoning whatsoever. She's way too affectionate (apart from the actual intercourse part) with me for it to be that.

This is a great post and it seems like you are doing really great with this girl. It also sounds like she doesn't want to be locked down, possibly by anybody. I would keep seeing her as long as you're F closing her, but put up some boundaries if she's not willing to go there again.

Thanks Tom.

We met each other on an online dating site so I’m aware that there’s always a chance that some other guys could be on the scene. However, I’ve been seeing other girls so I can’t have any complaints about that. I went onto the site with the intention of having plenty of fun until the right girl came along and would only then consider any sort of LTR. In her, I seem to have met one who has a lot of potential for an LTR but I can’t really be 100% sure of that until we’ve been intimate more frequently. The problem could be that she doesn't want to commit to anything more intimate until we're actually in an LTR. I think I'll be cooking for her again at my place soon so that could be an ideal time to try it on again and she what she does. You mentioned putting up boundaries if she's not willing to f-close. What would be the best way to bring this up?

This is the part of the game which I find the hardest. I’ve been holding it steady with regards to reverting to AFC but am finding myself very close to cracking and asking her what she wants out of what we have. Is this a complete no-no in your opinion? I know that the general rule of thumb is to let her bring the conversation up. I could consider going a bit cold on her to try to force her hand? I’ve done this with her twice in the past and she’s always come back for more.

Clearly the one time you fucked she didnt enjoy. If you fuck a girl once and they enjoy it they dont hold out in the future they'll keep fucking you.

However it might not have been the sex, it coukd be your escalation to it, maybe you're just not turning her on enough to make her want it again.

_________________
It came to me in a drreeeaaammmm