Last week, I set up a date with a girl I am interested in over the phone. We were in a couple classes together last semester and we really clicked and have a lot of similar interests (same major). We have spoken a few times since break; we were supposed to go on a date a week and a half ago but she fell ill (she really did). Anyways, the night before our little coffee date, she texts me saying she just realized she has a doctor's appointment around the time of our date the next day and felt really bad.

So as you can all assume, I was pretty peeved about this flaking. Even if she really did have a doctor's appointment that day, why would she "realize" this at midnight the night before our date? The timing was absolutely horrible.

Somehow I managed to stay calm and wrote back to her, "I understand you can't make it this time. but next time make sure you are available when we set up a date." The next evening, she writes to me, "I'm sorry that it didn't work out - our schedules are just too different to make it easy. Maybe the better plan is to grab some coffee the next time we see each other, which will probably be soon ." I sent one text since (nothing big), but we haven't talked or communicated since.

I have no idea what this really means. I don't know her really well yet, but I interacted with her a lot last semester, we really get along well and could talk for quite awhile, we both used plenty of C+F banter as well. Two of my friends are split on this situation as well. One said she would definitely entertain a date as she seems to care about this, but it will only happen once I actually run into her; from there, I'd be set. My other friend thinks she doesn't care about the outcome, doesn't really want to date me, and is just stringing me along as an ego boost.

What do you all think? I'm really confused by the entire thing. I don't plan on establishing any contact with her for atleast the next week and a half (so after President's Day weekend), since I've pursued more and don't want to go over-the-top.

I know it's somewhat of a strange situation, but if anyone can give me some perspective here, I'd really appreciate it.

Just some thoughts I took from this:
-I clearly mentioned the word DATE in my text to her. She could have easily said LJBF, but instead says she's into the idea but it won't be easy because of our schedules (we're both rather busy with things).
-Then again, she could be trying to pump up her ego. By not officially slamming the door shut, she is relying on me trying to "chase" her and thus giving her attention.
-The first time she couldn't make it, it was legitimate because she really was sick (even if her timing was really bad for that one). This second one (the first real flake)...it's possible she really had a doctor's appointment, but once again she is dreadful with her timing and telling me about it.
-I am pursuing her more than she is pursuing me. I guess this is normal considering she's a pretty attractive chick, but I don't want to over-pursue and scare her off. Thus, as I said before, I am cutting off all contact with her until after President's Day Weekend (unless she is the one making the calls or w/e...I won't begin anything).

This seems like more of a chess match than it needs to be. She's smart enough to cleanly execute these sorts of games/sh1t tests and knows how I react to certain things, meanwhile nobody really knows what I'm going to do at a given moment and I'm usually prepared for any possible tricks that could come my way.

You're killin' me guys lol...if you have any advice that could help in my situation, I'd appreciate it.

do as yoou said man, wait until presidents wkend, (i don't know when that is because i live in the uk), give it that time she needs.

after that if she doesn't contact you try texting her something, search up a bunch of text game lines here.

you kinda came on strong using the word "date" imo, but hey i made that mistake recently too, just play it cool and keep it casual, basically go with the flow but don't text/call her to often make her want to call you bro.

First of all, I feel the need to get on my soapbox about coffee dates. I'll try to be brief: they are unoriginal, lame, and super-boring unless you both share some kind of esoteric interest in coffee.



Seriously, what qualities does the possibility of consuming hot beverages together have that could be construed as enticing to a woman? Sure, there's the conversation with you, but she knows she can get that outside the date environment. Invite her to something fun that you would do whether she came or not.

Which brings us to the crux of your post: there are some women you just can't make plans with. It's not a reflection on you or even her desire to see you, it's simply a part of some peoples' nature. I'm the same way: I only play with the toys that are in front of me.

What do I think she means? She means, "I like you but I want you to preserve serendipity and parlay our next chance meeting into an instant date where I am confident you'll sweep me off my feet. Please make this seem more natural and less rigid."

What is my advice? Forget about this chick until you see her, and when you do, say "Hey, I'm fixing to go >insert cool/fun activity<, why don't you tag along?" The "sweeping her off her feet" part is up to you

Your boy,
870

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Thanks guys. Just some comments I'd like to add:

-Lazlo: President's Day Weekend is this coming weekend, so Feb. 13-16. I purposely wrote "date" in there because I didn't want any "friend zone" getting in the way. It also reinforced the issue that this would be a "more than friends" sort-of thing.

870 - I totally agree with you on the coffee thing, but...she is very persistent with the coffee date! She must really like coffee. As for the rest of the post, I think you have a point, but...that just seems weird. So she could "like" me but I have to run into her in order for anything to happen? I like the "sweeping her off her feet" part, the one problem is I haven't run into her in a while (several weeks).

Just seeing if anyone else has an opinion here. Seemingly she's willing to give it a shot, but she can't go the conventional route and actually make an arranged date...it apparently has to be this spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment thing like you see in the movies (even though she really likes the coffee date?). This opens up all sorts of speculation that, 1.) This can all be some mega sh!t test; she's very smart and sometimes can figure out my thought process, 2.) She could care less about what happens and is just stringing me along for an ego boost, 3.) She won't date me until she actually sees me once, as it has been awhile, or 4.) She is at a crossroads and doesn't know what to do (even though we've both been busy). I have said and worded things to her in a way that she could have given me the LJBF line by now, but has not done so.

I agree with 870 that she's expecting me to go "where no man has gone before" in terms of this spontaneous date, but I haven't run into her much at all...what if I don't see her for awhile?! (I plan on making a call a little over a week from now, or sometime after V-Day and President's Day Weekend).

I think she is trying to tell you that you are coming off way too formal. Making such formal set plans takes away alot of the excitement and intrigue in my opinion. Instead of trying so hard to set up a date with her, intrigue her into basically setting up a date with you. For example, notice the difference in these two ways of setting up a date. Let's use coffee.

Me: Hey we should go get some coffee tomorow what do you think?
Her: umm that might be alright I will have to see if my schedule is open.

Me: Wow you know what I love about you?
Her: what?
Me: meet me for coffee tomorow and I guess you may see.
Her: tell me
Me: haha there you go doing it again.
Her: lol what?!
Me: well I hope you like coffee... g2g, see you then.

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She seems hesitant to make any concrete future plans with you.

I'd just act cool, and sit it out for a while.

I was waiting for someone to say what Anutharound suggested. The reason is because, while I don't disagree with him, it seems strange for her to think this way. Basically, it would mean I can't ask her out the same way everybody else asks out a girl - especially by phone - she would want me to ask her out completely different. I can ask her out and she'll think, "nah, I want you to ask me out differently and then I'll say yes."

While this could be part of it, I'm currently playing it the way Falcone is saying. I really don't know what's going on here (she seems mixed), so I'm giving it about another 7-9 days and then I'll give her a ring. Again, she's had chances to say "LJBF," but hasn't. Then again, she's had a chance to go on a coffee date with me (she likes coffee, hence her recommending that date), but that hasn't happened yet either.