In the last 6 months or so that I have been a member of the community, its needless to say that I have immersed myself in reading material ranging all the way across the board. A lot of it I have found very helpful, and a lot of it I have found not so helpful.

Throughout the 'growing process', and I call it growing b/c that is what we are all here to do. I have made some realizations. A lot of these I have made only recently.

First, is that I am finally finding that I am doing a lot of the things I have learned on an unconscious level to some degree. Im sure a lot of you can identify with the struggle of keeping things straight in doing this and that when you are actually in the field. I am finally noticing that is becoming more of a natural way of doing things for me. Now that doesnt mean that I do everything perfectly all the time, far from it. I think maybe I am just able to calibrate situations and women better and go from there based on that calibration. Noticing this has been a big motivator b/c it keeps me going and moving forward to become a better communicator, a better person, and a better man.

However, the biggest thing I am realizing is that I knew a lot of this stuff before I even joined the community. It was only after some reflection on past experiences and relationships. This recently became very clear after reconnecting with an ex and talking to her casually about our relationship and what we learned from each other.

I knew a lot of this stuff all along. I knew that women value a sense of humor. I knew that women want a strong alpha man. I knew that women want a challenge.

However, I didnt know how to put it all together. I didnt know that I had the potential to be one of those guys that can have the women he chooses. And most importantly, I didnt know that all of that hinged on my self confidence, or what others call my 'frame'.

I broke with a girl that I loved a long time ago. I was really down about that one and I had a hard time getting back up. I had a great friend, a natural, that helped me with that. He said that my 'C' was down (my confidence). He told me that as soon as I could get my 'C' back up that things would turn around.

The community is great b/c it provides all of the tools to build up your 'C' as my friend put it. Your confidence grows just like anything else. You just have to feed it. Confidence feeds off of confidence and accomplishments. There is a saying in NLP, 'There is no failure, only feedback'. Taking this attitude can do wonders b/c you realize that every time you make an attempt to put yourself out there, you get stronger b/c you learn more about yourself and what you are capable of.

Dont get bogged down in your 'feedback'. Rye recently addressed the power of language in his analysis of the term Approach Excitement. Take that and apply it to your view of 'failed' approaches. When you are going to go speak to a woman, take the attitude that you are going to get 'feedback' from that approach and whatever happens will only make you wiser and stronger.

I know Im rambling but I thought this might help some b/c it has certainly been a big realization for me.