I have an intense fear of women that I just seem to not be able to overcome. This has been going on ever since I was a child. I am in my upper 20's now and it drives me nuts I always felt like something was wrong with me when guys all around me at school had no problem talking women. It frusturated the hell out of me because I was scared shitless. I suffered from a very low self-esteem.

Although things are very difficult for me, I still was able to get several girlfriends. The relationships I got were a result of meeting through other people. These relationships were very toxic, in that these women were very abusive towards me and I put up with it. I never had the courage to go up and approach women.

As a silver linning, when one of the toxic relationships I had ended, I sought the venusian arts. Learning it gave a whole new perspective. For the first time in my life, I mustard up the courage to do approaches. I even managed to get some positive responses. But every set that I was in, I reverted back to my old low self-esteem and bailed from the sets early.

I have found myself in a huge rut, in that I am petrified to approach women again. I beat myself up for passing up perfect opportunities to approach all the time. It drives me nuts!!! I see other guys successfully interacting with women and I know I could do it. I study the venusian arts like crazy and feel I have decent material. I just can't push myself to do approaches.

I really need your guys help. Is there anything you can suggest to push myself?

Thanks

I don't know your past, but I think you may want to seek out professional help before you pick up girls. As it sounds like something very tragic happened in your past that involved females.

I agree. It sounds like you should talk to a professional first. Until you've sorted that out most of pick up won't be most use to you.

Out of curiosity, what is it about women that you fear?

Thanks for the replies

"Out of curiosity, what is it about women that you fear?"

That is a great question. I think there are several factors. One thing I fear is being rejected by women. Since I never talked to women much when I was younger, I have a strong fear of rejection. Along with that I worry that when I approach women, I will either repeat approaching them (which happened to me once ) or they will reject me and they will wreck my chances with other women. I live in a smaller area (only about 225,000 people in about 80 x 80 mile area).

The few interactions I did have with women when I was younger did not go very well. One time in middle school I was brutally rejected by one girl in front of the whole lunch room. Another time some girls spread rumors that I wanted to get with the student teacher chick. People gave me a hard time about that. I was also a very shy and introverted person. Growing up I always wanted to be an outgoing fun person to be around, but I feel I was conditioned to be shy. That led me to having a very low self-esteem and zero confidence.

There is also a lot of women that I know. I feel that before I learned game, I was very AFC and I have been labled that by them. It would be difficult to game them given my track record.

What types of things would I want to discuss with a professional?

Thanks!

if you dont take the professional help method first, i think the best way to go about this is to become friends with girls first. it seems you are terrified of just being in their presence, not just the possible rejection. The rejection is instinctual, but the fact is that you managed to approach but freaked out in the process. If you get use to being around girls, then you just build some inner game. The ability to say hi to a random girl goes a very, very long way.

A psychiatrist will take your money dude. If you're going for professional help I recommend someone with NLP experience. Sounds like you've got a case of limiting beliefs triggered by interactions which happened while you were a you lad.

Let's think about the repeat approaches though. I've had this fear myself, I live in a pretty tiny island. I read something by a PUA who sarged with Style probably a week or two ago. Style would get called out for being "that guy who wrote that book about picking up chicks". Imagine if you were Style and got called out on a daily basis for being a PUA. Style would still sarge them though and close. This fear of getting caught is pointless. Do you think style denies he's a PUA when he gets called out? Nope. Trust me a double approach can't be that bad. Simply politely eject or plow through it. Maybe you'll learn something.

Also most people tend to be polite and won't completely blow out a stranger who approached them unless you start grabbing at them or something. They're mature now, not like middle school. Kids are mean. Grown ups are polite.

"Conditioned to be shy" is a strong limiting belief. You believe that someone has irrevocably changed your personality in such a way that you will always be shy. Although you can train a human much like you can train any other animal, you can retrain them. This is why I recommend an NLP professional to help you. I want you to know that you can change and be outgoing. It'll add weight to that belief if you go out and try to be outgoing. You'll realise you can.

And you can change perceptions. It's all about making a drastic change as you unveil your best self. I can explain what I came up with and works for me if you're really worried about it.

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Fox

The fact that youve had more then one girlfriend shows that its not woman presence that you fear its simply rejection... and being abused by them.

i think the paralysing fear you talk about is when you look up to approach a woman but you just ... Dont.

How to get rid of this is to go out for 1 week, just 7 days, the first day just ask for directions, the next day ask for directions then talk a little bit more, small steps man ... you wont become good in a day, then keep it up. By the end of the week set a new goal to do more then you did in the week before...

"I can explain what I came up with and works for me if you're really worried about it."

That would be much appreciatedd

"The fact that youve had more then one girlfriend shows that its not woman presence that you fear its simply rejection... and being abused by them."

Thats the thing, I have had girlfriends before. I have even had sex with 3 different women. I have some major limiting beliefs.

Throughout my whole life I have had very low self-esteem. I believe I am a descent looking guy and I have some things going for me in life. Since I have had such low self-esteem stemming back, I feel like I am not worthy of things. When I have been able to end up with a woman, I feel like being with this girl is my only hope and I devout the focus of my life not to loose her. Most of these relationships were really bad for me, but I stayed in them since I didn't believe I could secure any other woman. I get so emotionally involved with these women, that I believe no one else will like me as these women have.

I want very badly to break this viscous cycle and be able to get out there and approach women and not be afraid.

Anything you guys can offer would be awesome!

I've been really interested in psychology and NLP especially recently so I used some principles to help me burst into the field as a new man for old strangers.

Our minds are very powerful things. It has to deal with a lot of information at any point. We may not realise it because of some special functions we've got that makes this task easier. Think about it. Right now you're in a room. Probably sitting. Pay attention to the sounds in your room and to the things that should be making sounds that you've tuned out. Perhaps a clock ticking, crickets chirping etc. Next look around and see how many different things your brain had to process when you look around. Perhaps there are some scents you also weren't aware of? It's amazing how much our brain does for us to make us able to function the way we do. Imagine if we had to consciously be aware of all these things all the time!

Anyway, the main point is, our minds tend to make associations to ease the burden. When you walk into your room you assume it's the same because your mind says "no one has been here it must be as I left it". Now imagine walking into your room and seeing it painted in tiger stripes. It strikes you and you may freeze at the door and wonder who was your mystery painter. It's still the same room though. You'll still be happy in it. You'll still be comfortable with it. But you'll notice there's a difference.

This is what you've got to do with the people in your life. Shock them into thinking your different. The comfort will still be there but that shock gives you a chance to change their association their brain has for you.

I changed my style, hairstyle etc and rolled it out all in one shot. People who saw me immediately said things like "Wow what happened to you?" "You've changed so much" even though they just saw me. By breaking the old association you send the mind into confusion which allows you to show your new best self to whoever it is.

I want you to try it though. Do something small like change your tone when you speak and notice the split second confusion when you first open your mouth to speak to them. It works much better visually though since they associate the new style with you and their brains assume that it may be the cause for the change. Pretty cool stuff. If you've got questions let me know.

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Fox