Something seems to happen to a few weeks into a relationship with a woman, especially when the man has a lot of power in the relationship. This problem has been on my mind lately so I’ll try to break it down. It tends to happen when the guy has the power and enjoys having the power. Personally, I find a relationship is only healthy when the man has the power, although saying so would be considered sexist today.

Does this scenario sound familiar? The relationship is a few weeks in. So far, you’ve been calling the shots and the girl seems to love it. She invests more than you do, she lets you have your way, and she gives you plenty of sex, without demanding fancy dinners or romantic evenings alone in return. You may even convince her to let you see other girls. That’s how in control you are.

Keep in mind, this type of relationship only exists for players. The vast majority of guys will never be able to pull this off…

When you have this level of control – where she is enamored with you and is falling fast – you may start to get addicted to this feeling. In a sense, you even start to become a slave to the feeling of being in control. Now at this point her feminine power will kick in to high gear. She pulls back, and tests your control. Feminine power isn’t really power, but it is in the sense that will try to throw you off your course and make you insecure – to test your strength. Feminine power is almost like a form of anti-control. She simultaneously wants to be controlled by a man, and doesn’t want to be controlled. This is a paradox that really can’t be solved.

So at some point you start to seek out more control. It is at just this point that you started to lose control. And at the same time, she starts to sense that. Don’t ask me how – women are just good at that. This is where she starts to pull away. She stops complying to your requests, stops being so available, and gives you more tests.

Guys who aren’t players make the crucial mistake here: They think she wants control, so they give it to her completely. That is the absolute wrong thing to do. She will seem happy at first, as it will gratify a part of her, but the part of her that feels sexual towards you will be disappointed.

There is one solution that seems to be the best. (Women will never be ‘solved’ completely – they defy logic). The solution is to just let go. To just stop trying to have so much control – for a moment. The tendency towards control can go overboard, to the point where it is insecurity masquerading as control. The more you seek it out, the more she resists. If she is no longer complying with your requests, it could be because she senses some insecurity in you. When you didn’t have that insecurity – when you knew without a doubt that she was yours – you were more attractive to her.

Another paradox is that she won’t feel attraction to you unless you have control. If you give up control to her, she’ll lose interest immediately. This is sadly where most marriages end up – with the women having the control, but lacking any sexual interest in their husbands. The paradox is that if you stop trying to have control, you actually gain more of it. But you have to work to maintain it.

If you feel yourself needing control, it is a good sign you are insecure about your level of control. At this point, it is time to stop what you are doing. If you are texting her more than normal, stop. If you are calling her instead of texting, revert back to texting. And especially – if she starts to call the shots and tell you what she wants to do: don’t give in. It’s a test. Take control back. You may want to ignore her for a while and get your mind on chasing other women if that helps. She may never say it, but on a deep level that is what she needs to feel attraction for you. She needs to sense that you are capable of going out and finding a woman whenever you want.

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