In your experience, what does this mean?

When we're alone, she acts like I'm her boyfriend - touching me when talking to me, having photos with me, etc. even hung back till the others lost us so we could be alone and behave like boyfriend and girlfriend - but once we're around friends again, she treats me like anyone else.

In fact I notice she gets touchy with other guys and not me. Probably her friends that she's known longer, but still, I wonder why she doesn't scratch MY head as she walks by, what is it?

We even made out a while back, twice, it was a long time ago now, I almost feel like we've never met before and are starting to get to know each other.

But deep down, I feel like she feels ashamed of being attracted to me. She can't help herself when we're alone, and even had oral sex way back when, but when we're around friends it's like none of that even happened.


Other bit of info - she dated this kind of shy guy - the kind of guy that ends up sitting alone at parties against his will. He's nice enough, and she says as much, but recently they broke up and she couldn't elaborate on it, and didn't want to talk about it. She said they were on a break, and then at the party tonight, by the end she's cuddling him like they are together again. All through the night she kept looking at me. Nothing overt, but whenever I talked she was always willing to carry on the conversation in that direction.

Where as I am talkative and funny. I'm not always the life of the party, but there is usually a point in the night where I'm the play thing of the most attractive girls at the party, and I even got a number tonight.

She's not even that hot at the moment. I'd say she'd be extremely hot if she wasn't QUITE so fat, but even now I think she's pretty damn cute, but the reason I'm so attracted to her is that when we talk... we always have fun and end up laughing heaps. And she can do things to me physically that drive me nuts. In the past when we were hanging out and seperated from the group, she'd do things like rake her nails down my chest, or pinching my pecs hard - she knows this turns me on from the time we made out long ago, and she likes to wield the power, when I tell her to cut it out it makes her do it more. One time it got to the point where even though I was telling her to stop, she kept doing it. I forget how I worded it but basically I communicated to her in a subtle way that because she didn't listen to me she'd made me have an erection and it's not comfortable. First she said "Yuck" but then she turned it up more, and I said "Kelly..." in a "please stop voice" and couldn't help but pull her close to me from behind. She even snuggled in a bit for a moment, before moving away again.

I feel like I'm not sure what she wants. Does she want me to take her out to dinner and treat her nice like her shy guy? Or should I be worried that if I do something overtly "date-like" like that, it will destroy the romance for her and she will tell me she doesn't see me that way? She's said that before during a talk, but I didn't make a big deal about it. During that conversation she said she plays around if she's in between relationships. We caught up recently and at the end of the night she had to go home cause she was tired, but it was like she couldn't leave - she kept talking, and even once she was in the car, she kept hanging out the window and talking, even like she was waiting for a hug, and when I gave it to her I almost felt like she wanted me to kiss her goodnight like a boyfriend. Maybe it was a mistake not to, I just hugged. But we held hands momentarily and she said "Tell me when you're available next..."

Now at the party tonight she was all indifferent again. It's like two different people.

I don't think I'm that serious about her yet, yet I love what she does to me and I want more. I'm confused, I'm not sure if during the week, she wants me as much as I felt like she did when we actually met up.

I don't see any reasons why you should go around this. Tell her exactly what you just told us. The importance of this is to find out what the hell she wants. Are you wasting your time, or is she gonna be yours any minute? You need to find that out - so just ask her why she's treating you differently from time to time and what she wants out of your so called interactions.

I already tried to have a talk with her a while back - she just said she didn't see me in that way. And she alluded that I mis-interpret her behaviour and she just does things because she's bored. I just don't believe that 100% - it's like she's two different people.

I suspect my behaviour turns her on in one way but turns her off in another way. When we're alone, even when we're online playing a game together on voice chat, we end up laughing a lot and having a great time. I love the sound of her laugh and the kind of things she finds funny.

I notice I can't seem to banter with her like some of the others do. At the party she was talking to a guy she hadn't met before, because he made some comment, and I remember it ended in a fake argument and she said "do you wanna fight?" I was joining in saying "Don't try it, man, she'll do it." Which I thought was funny too. But later I joined a circle of ppl, sat next to her and she said "You're not invited" or something. I got comfy and said "Why?" so it was clear I wasn't leaving, cause I knew she was joking but she felt the need to say "I was only joking", and in a sarcastic polite voice I said "really, I had no idea! I thought you were serious!" still not sure if she got it. Other attempts to banter with her in the past have seemed to actually offend her. One example is we were on voice chat on a game and she said "Stop stealing my kills!" and I said "Hahah - well that's what happens when you play on easy all the time!" (usually we play on hard but she's been switching to easy recently so I've been giving her a hard time about it) and she suddenly logged out. When I finally got through to her again some minutes later she said she just suddenly felt like playing another game.

I think it's really difficult to convey the history of our interaction. I can't rule out my behaviour as a factor. I wish the situation was a lot simpler.

I wish I knew what was different about the way I behave and everyone else she talks to. Sometimes I feel like I'm physically attractive, and can put on a bit of a show and attract several girls at once in a very exhibitionist kind of way, but I can't seem to maintain any relationship of value. I don't get girls actually calling me back, I always do all the calling.

I think you should move on to other girls especially when you are at places were she is at. You've done some stuff with her so she definitely has some attraction for you and I think if you go for making her jealous that could really work in your favor. If not then at least you are getting in with different and possibly better girls!

I agree and I am still seeing other girls, but not so sure about the jealousy part...

That night I could have showed her the photos of the girls I just had my picture with that night, I even got a number that night. But somehow, because she's hanging around with the shy guy, I got the feeling she's looking for comfort and some sort of security. So I didn't show her anything or tell her anything. And I think she knows I'm the kind of guy with options, we've talked about other girls in my life.

Also - I do have a problem keeping girls around for a day 2 or 3 after attracting them, and I see her as a living example of an area I need work on. If she was/is so into me, why isn't she just jumping into my lap?
Not only that, but she is a sure-thing for a fun time. We always have really funny talks, she likes my sense of humour and I like hers, she has a gorgeous laugh, and we seem REALLY sexually compatible...
So the reason I'm not just dropping her like a hat, is because we seem to have a good thing here, and I'm not going to throw it away and learn nothing and have the same problem happen again with yet another worthwhile girl...

Regarding not making her jealous - the more I think about the last time we met up one on one, I think I should have called her that Friday - it even seems like I "should" have, since I saw on her Facebook update that on Friday she updated her status to "I need hugs :'(" some of her friends replied, but I missed it. I feel like I should have gone for the kiss, maybe, but one thing I'm sure I should have done was set up a day 2. In my head I had it set up but decided to be "cool" and call her up about it the next day like I was being spontaneous, and it didn't work out - in retrospect I should have set it up just before we parted ways, while things were still exciting. I'm re-enforcing my rule that you must ALWAYS set up a day 2 at the end of the day 1... ALWAYS.

So I'm leaning towards the idea that I haven't treated her enough like a boyfriend would. So maybe she wasn't sure if I cared, which might explain her behaviour at the party. She never initiated anything, but any thing I said or did, she was on board with, and she kept looking at me when we weren't talking.

Having said that, not sure what to do from here, still not overly sure why I can't keep them coming back for a day 2, and feeling bad about how things have gone with her. So please share any thoughts you've had about what you just read.

Bah... after writing about it and thinking about it, I think I simply didn't act when I should have, I should have set up the day 2 at the end of the day, I should have called her sooner, I maybe even should have gone for the kiss. I think I ruined my chances, she's lost interest and won't have the patience to come out with me again, I reckon she's going to go back to the shy guy.

Don't take this the wrong way Conker but don't get all hyped up about getting one number. I do believe that you have been successful generating attraction with other girls but I think you are focusing too much on little things and not seeing the big picture. Not to be mean but the girl you talk about really seems like a friend that you are attracted to which is very different from a girl that you could have a real relationship with. I've had my fair share of those types of girls in my life and trust me when I say rarely if ever they end up materializing. Any girl who puts up this much of a fight as you have explained or has been so indifferent at times ultimately sees you as:
1. A friend.
2. A friend she's attracted too and doesn't mind hooking up with.
Do you really want option two that bad? Don't beat yourself up about what you should have or could have done ultimately if it's meant to be it's meant to be and it just doesn't seem like it's meant to be.
Just looking out for you bud good luck.

Thankyou, I appreciate your feedback and I have thought about it carefully.

BTW that number belonged to a set of 3 and I'm going to invite them all out, heheh.

Yes I am pretty sure it is only option 2, and I've always thought that, and yes I would like that a lot - we could have had this understanding instead of this tension - I suspect she broke up with him to give me a chance, cause it happened after our talks, and it seems like she lost interest and went back to him. But also I feel I messed up that simple situation by not following my gut feeling, and I don't want to do that when it's REALLY important - it seems to be my main problem and why I have trouble keeping girls around.

I do like her a lot, but its the principal of the situation that is also a large factor for me, and I'm trying to learn from it because this is an ongoing issue.

The most important questions can't be answered here - why she's doing kino with all her other male friends in front of everyone - but not touching me unless those few times we were alone. It's behavioural and it's to do with my mindset, I don't think I'm relaxed enough.