Ok people, another self involved anxiety young male here writing about a problem I have created myself and need you guys to help me figure out what the hell to do.

Like most problems I feel it is new (to me at least) and unique. Gamed a HB9.5ish for a while. She is off my course. Made her pretty much think I’ m the greatest thing ever. We kissed a few times over a month or so but we are very busy with exams etc. I’m at the age of shagging around but I had to NOT acted on things when they were almost on a platter as I had a kind of medical problem which is sorted now… (this is not the problem at hand)..

On my LAST night before I went home for a good 5 weeks we had a course night out – my bus left at 3AM that morning! The HB came out after me and when we met we were both flirting etc but she didn’t want to kiss me. Before this I sent her a text saying we should go back to mine and have some fun later on before I have to leave. She told me to my face that she wasn’t the kind of girl I could get with whenever I wanted. I told her that I do not treat her like a girl who I’m just going to fling etc. Also, she started saying that I’m freaking her out because I’m exactly like her last boyfriend. I got pissed off at this saying I’m not him, don’t pretend I’m him etc… she kind of apologized. A guy saw me (who I found out she got with probably around that time or a little before) and told me to leave her alone and she obviously doesn’t want me. I pretty much said whatever. Turned to the HB and said I don’t play games, fuck this I’m going home.

She called me and apologiesed immediately I again told her not to play these games etc. She told be to come back to town. I was reluctant to jump through this hoop but eventually I did. We made out and touched each other up passionately for like an hour before I got on the bus. Things are good. I sent a text to her that morning before my plane knowing she would be asleep saying I like the note we left on etc.

So far so good.

Didn’t really talk when I was away (a couple facebook messages) but the beauty of facebook showed her what I was up to – gaming a lot of girls!! As you can tell I do like this girl and because I did not talk to her I kind of felt continually anxious when I was away. Cute I know.

Ok came back and saw her. Talked and stayed the night at hers… she had her period so we chatted and cuddled etc. Busy again with work and we both finished an exam. Got SO SO drunk – was drinking from 11am – 1am (the next day). She joined me for the latter half and was crazy drunk too. Went back to hers and when mutual drunken friends left we started kissing and went to her room to fuck. Sorry to be graphic here guys. Undressing kissing her and making her wet. Started to finger her. She loved it. Wanted me to get my condoms out so I did. Started fucking but was not that good. Really drunk sex – I hope some of you can sympathize. She wasn’t liking it and I seem to remember her telling me that she was not one of my bitches… It lasted around 5 mins until she said that it wasn’t working and wanted to stop. We stopped – she went to the bathroom etc came back and didn’t say anything. I wanted to talk about what happened - she didn’t. She even left and went to sleep on the couch. I thought fuck this and got changed and went down to tell her to sleep in her bed and that I’m going. She cried saying some stuff about how she cares so much for me. She said how she may not be able to be with me because I don’t open up etc. She doesn’t know what I think etc. We hugged and talked about stuff, life and problems. She wanted me to stay and we went back to bed – to sleep. Messed around in bad that day both extremely hungover. We didn’t really talk about what happened.

I think her insecurities about me is that she knows I’m a player and get with a lot of girls and she wants to be special. She doesn’t know truly how I feel and what I want from this thing between us. I am dominant and don’t get too emotional with people – this is part of my game.

My biggest problems are… I couldn’t sleep with her before I went away because of a medial problem. She now knows this and by itself it is ok. However, the above coupled with an awful sexual encounter totally kills my alpha sexual dominance thing and general sexiness I believe.

There are many more dimensions to this relationship as I hope you can image. I do like her but this had kind of totally killed my confidence. I really wouldn’t mind some shitty drunk sexually encounter but it was our first time and I care about her. How should I play this guys? Has anyone had a fuck up like this and got over it?

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It's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do. Remember to live everyday like it could be your last for you may die tomorrow.