It seems to me like women are one of two extremes in accordance to my interactions with them. Things usually start off well, but girls either trust me too much at first because they're needy little whores, and my attraction towards them immediately dwindles, or we get along really well and they throw the wall up, and keep it up.

It gets to the point where sarging isn't helping me find the girls I want. I'm glad I've been going out a lot because I've built myself up to where I am comfortable with myself again. Nothing beets showing up all of your friends BY getting the girl right? While that's fun and all, the only girls I meet that I actually can stand to be around throw up walls that seem impossible to climb over.

The first girl was originally a number flake, who I bumped into at a later time and called her out on flaking in a cocky/funny way. She was surprised that I remembered her name, and had second thoughts about me being just "another guy at the bar." We started talking a lot and she really opened up in a lot of ways. It seemed like there was something real there. We really vibed well. She told me after a night of dancing that she really felt appreciated for the first time in a long time and that it meant so much to her.

Then out of nowhere, I got semi-friend bombed, then ex-bombed, and we stopped talking for a bit. I decided being her friend wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if that's where things ended up, and that made sense at the time. I mean why wouldn't I want to be friends with a girl I can joke around with, who's smart and shares the same sense of humor as I have, right? I figured I like talking to her and I like hanging out with her so that's what I'm going to do. So that's what I did.

Then I got stood up. And things haven't been the same for me since then. Thank god this is recent though. The old me would've sat on this for months and pouted. It's just disappointing as hell. I go out every night on a mission to meet girls and get the ones I want...and then I realize I don't even want any of these girls after I make out or sleep with them, and the couple girls I actually have a vested interest in flake out on me...and the one girl who was actually somewhat promising completely stood me up without even a phone call. I didn't even want anything with her, just dinner and companionship.

But GFTOW? right?

So I meet this downtown bar girl who works VIP and does hair, and she's throwing out this vibe like she's completely opposite of what you would expect from that type of girl, and it's really got me doubting myself in this situation.

I HARDLY know this girl but we've spent the last three nights together and I haven't even kissed her. Like WTF I'm Ders. I kiss girls without even knowing their names, and sometimes without even seeing their face because I'm buried in her ear screaming my seduction over the club music. I took a girl home the first night I moved in to my place. Why can't I kiss this girl who I'm actually interested in?

I feel like right now my only angle is going on a date. We really only hang out in group settings and only have alone time when we're trying to get more then a few hours sleep, and all the talking does is keep that from happening. I almost don't even want her to get to know me because she's way further in her independence and I've had some major setbacks over the last year. I usually live by the rule "you can break any rule as long as you're fun," but that only goes so far. My last girl left me after I had a relapse of some major psychological problems. People don't look at you like you're human when you're "mentally ill."

For the next five months I'll be broke as hell and going back to school, while getting coached by some disability agency, and seeing psychiatrists, therapists, etc. I am in no place to be this girl's boyfriend. I think her last man was a cop. To say I'm a few steps down is an understatement. Where I'm at on the career totem didn't help my last relationship either. I know there's something wrong. I know its me. I'm working on it.

But I always have my eye out for girls, and now it seems like i've set my standards for women too much higher than I hold my own standards, and when it comes down to it, the nice girl that I'm looking for can only see me as this player with girls in his bed or on his lips every night.

I try to break through the wall and they just put more of them up...or find out I'm a looney. (you can only hide that shit so long.) Last night I was asked why I moved back to CT from Florida during a serious conversation and I couldn't even give the answer. It's not cute to tell a girl that shit and she hasn't even earned that trust yet.

I just don't know what to do. Three days and I'm snuggling up talking about taking the girl out on a fucking date? I feel like a little bitch. Even if it goes well I can't even take her out on another one...or have it get into anything serious. I wanna say "why even bother?" but I'm gonna meet girls everywhere I go and just not be able to take them anywhere or do anything.

No drinking or smoking for the next five months. I thought I was in pain before but damn this whole starting over thing really fucking hurts. I have this craft of getting women, and that's what I wanted before and I'm just taking a step back now to better my life and I can't even use that craft anymore. It sucks. I don't know what to do or think. I just need some inspiration or something. I need some direction. I'm LOST.

_________________
Attraction is a choice.
ITS YOUR CHOICE!
Spread Love
-Ders


www.facebook.com/spreadloveders

I hope you aren't disappointed by the length of my post in comparison to yours. I think the answer is simple.

You need to work out why you feel (and hence, behave) differently around the girls you really like.

The other thing to try to remember is that there's always someone with a worse problem than you and we can see examples of them doing better than you, in spite of those problems. Slapping yourself with the label "loony" and "mentally ill" ensures others will do the same, before they've even had a chance to judge for themselves, and you don't give yourself the opportunity to find a way to live with it and not present it as a huge problem.

I have something similar, I met a girl at a party (Maddy), we (her friends and my friends) progressed to another party, at that party we started flirting. Anyway my mates decided to leave and seeing as she lived in the same area as me I asked if she could drop me home when she was leaving, so we left that party and went to another at her friends. Then we dropped her mate home and she took me home, in the car in my driveway, I kissed her, I didn't think she was a good kisser but it may have been me. (I was quite drunk, she was sober). So had her number close from second party. I texted her a couple days later saying "My mate was going to meet me for coffee but bailed on me want to come take their place?"
She said yes but then later flaked saying she had too much school work to do, which was understandable because it was nearing to the end of the year and exams etc.

So after some persistance I managed to go have dinner with her, conversation was ok but not that great. Soon after that she invited me to her mates 18th, I went and fuck she looked good...anyway, turned out I knew quite a few of the people there, so most of the night I talked to new people and people I semi knew, I hardly spent a lot of time with her until the end when I stayed hanging out with her. At one point in the night she muttered "Im so confused" or "you are so confusing" which I read as being, "I thought you liked me but you have spent the night flirting with other girls and talking to other people." I really wanted to take her home that night but she was staying at her mates blah blah blah. So went to another party and almost got with a friend, luckily no condom because I would have regreted that one. (Unstable girl).

Anyways I keeped in contact with the girl (Maddy) and recently I decided to pull out the big guns so I invited her to the zoo as I have a mate who works there and he will let me take a girl to hand feed some of the animals and she fucking declined. Who the fuck doesnt want to feed the otters, or the red pandas or the meerkats for fucks sake!

Anyways I'm stumped. Should I wait and see if she will text me? Should I be honest tell her I think shes cute and would like to get to know her better?

Radham: Maddy feels like you've treated her poorly. You should recognize iois and ACT on them. Kino escalation at the party without being clingy. You could've expressed that you DO like her when she questioned you saying you confuse her. If you can't recover from this by addressing the situation with her directly, then take it as a life lesson and act differently next time.

Conker: I'm not offended by your short reply. I just babel on sometimes lol. After i posted this, she called me and took me downtown and treated me and her friends to VIP at the club she works at. Before that she offered up for first round. The ioi's are there. The kino isn't. I don't want to be too pushy and clingy with the girl. The other night she was over and there was a person on each couch in the living room and I wanted to sit next to her and snug up but nothing else has gone down other than hand-holding and snuggling up in bed together. There isn't ever anything outside of bed.

You're right though. I have an issue with dealing with girls I actually like.
Oh ya and that was night 4 in a row. Still no kiss. I didn't even try.

_________________
Attraction is a choice.
ITS YOUR CHOICE!
Spread Love
-Ders


www.facebook.com/spreadloveders

yeah but i wasn't sure if thats what she ment when she said it so I asked her what she said/what did she mean and she said don't worry. But yeah your right.
Thanks for the advice.

Yeah Radham, Spread is right - that "I'm confused" was a serious IOI that you should have capitalised on (I know from mistakes), and passing it up hurts her too much and heads downhill. For a girl to say something like that, she's really going out on a limb. She needs a definite, positive, direct (and fun) reward.