Need some advice. Before I explain the scenario I'm sure some responses are gonna be gftog! I've been reading about the community for a few years now and it's going to sound like oneitis. Agreed. But I've never agreed with it. I've seen it as a challenge so I'm with the school of thinking that it's not always bad. Plus I do have other girls in my life. This ones tricky.

So I've known this chick for about a year. I work with her so see and spk to her everyday but she's off recently.

The issue is she's defensive. She admitted to me that she is. Whenever I sense things are going well, she goes all cold. It feels like she's either got a bad impression of men or been hurt before. 

We get on like house on fire other times. I get a lot of iois. She picks up on a lot of things I say and is quite inquisitive about other girls in my life.

So the question is what tact should I take about breaking the defense? It could be that she knows I've got other potential girls and she doesn't get hurt, or she could be one of those bitches who loves attention. Do I play cold and see what happens, or the helpful friend tact to help her let me in but risk the friends zone? 

I've been tempted to txt her random sms's but stopped myself because I'm edging toward the let her be direction but I've not faced a chick as tough as her before.

Thoughts? 

Many thanks

Dude, sounds like she has trust issues. I knew several girls like this.

You have two options here. You pursue her or you don't and just have her as a friend.

I recommend the latter part. Why you might ask? Well, if she has trust issues, that is just the tip of the iceberg. If she was tramatized as a child (maybe sexually) she may have other issues that you will not know of until later (more drama and stuff to deal with). The girl I knew that had trust issues, couldn't keep a LTR no matter what my buddy did. And I know the problem was with the girl and not my buddy. Just think about it. The girl may need some professional help.

If you do decide to pursue her, pursue with caution as she is going to make you work very hard to get inside of her life. And keep your emotions detached from her otherwise you will get hurt. I know its bad to say that but trust me, if you get attached too soon she will hurt you. If you give it time and you see that she is improving and trusting you more, then become more emotionally available to her, but only then.

Either way, you don't want to jeopordize her trust in you no matter what route you decide on. Once you do, you may never get it back.

Hope that helps.

Best,

J-Dub

_________________
J-Dub in DC

Its better to be the predator than the prey.

You need to be a good player if your gonna be successful at the game.

Yeah that's pretty much what I pinned her as and pretty much my advice too. She may be lovely but she's a disaster.

That's some good advice. Thanks guys. The problem is convising yourself that that's the way forward. Easier said than done.

Well no need to cut her out completely. You can use her as an experiment for generating attraction, see how she responds. Keep her as a friend.