| This is my first post here so greetings to everybody and thanks for reading!
I have just broken up after a 3.5 years relation. Actually it was me who said that I was feeling a bit bored with the relation losing spark, so we moved separately, but it seems that things went worse instead of better, leading to basically a definitive split up.
At the same time, 1.5 months ago, I started to get more and more interested in one jobmate (yeah, I know the basic advice of not gaming jobmates, but well, when it hits on you...). She is 22 (I am 29), pretty hot, shy but friendly, and with a good sense of humor. So we started to talk more and more face to face or in the internal company messenger, and the thing became more and more flirtatious. We also had our own fictional plots, like we both had gold rings so we should have marry one night and did not remember, or that she told me that I was fast like a vampire and we were like Bella and Edward. Yeah, lame, I know, but at least there was the idea of us as "a couple", with a connection. In my company, this girl is alone sorrounded by men, and you can see she likes attention, so well, I was complimenting her but also throwing negs from time to time to keep her down to earth.
As I said, she was quite flirty, telling me I was cool and sweet and very interesting person (I am Spanish, so well, in Estonia I turn to be quite exotic in the way I look and my cultural background, and I do stuff as music journalist too). I must said that I had to initiate most of the combos, but for example she was always answering SMS quite fast, showing interest back. I must add that this girl knew that I had a GF when I moved to Estonia (I am foreigner), but never asked me about her in all these last months.
So then we had the first night out together since she was working at the company, and I think it went pretty well. She joined me and other colleagues in a bar, and her body language was great, blushing when talking to me, playing with her hair showing me her neck, remembering details of my life and showing real interest. I must say I had other female friends around, and I think that helped to raise my social status, and make her play a bit hard for my attention. With the excuse of our "marriage" and the exchange of rings, we were holding hands, and I kino escalated hugging her here and there. But well, I was in the middle of splitting up with my GF, and I did not see it clear to go for a close, so working together, I wanted to take baby steps. She did not drink much, I was a bit drunk, so we took a taxi...but she went to her place and I continued to mine.
Next week we talked, and she said she had had a great time, and showed me tickets for a club we had talked the previous night about visiting, dropping the idea that we could go on friday or saturday. But it was the same week end I was moving out and had to discuss stuff with my GF, so I just said that unfortunately I was busy with the moving to a new flat, but would be great to do it some other time.
And then, later, for a couple of weeks, she flaked every time I proposed a plan. She was always busy, with "I will let you know" but nothing, still keeping it flirty. So I got a bit bored, and cut communication not initiating a combo for almost 2 weeks.
So yesterday and today she started the combo with me, asking me about why I was staying late at work and then commenting on some picture I had sent to all the jobmates, and we were chatting most of the day (not much work to do these days).
The tone was flirty as always, but every time I would approach the idea of doing something outside the office, the wall seemed to be there. So well, I just told her that I thought it was cool to hang around outside, for the conversations we had had before, but if she was not interested, there was no problem, I also had a life and other things to do. Just that it was a bit weird if supposedly she was cool with it. So she just said that was feeling depressed lately and not a good company to go out, etc. but would like to do something in the future.
We continued talking, and then she mentioned that tomorrow she has to go to visit her boyfriend at the hospital, because he has to undergo a minor surgery thing. I was pretty shocked inside me, because in all the time she had worked there (8 months), and in all the conversations with me, a BF had never been mentioned. But well, as I said, I was trying it to play cool and funny, with references to our private jokes, our nicknames, etc. So we talked a bit more and I asked if that was the reason (her BF at the hospital) why she was down, and she said that no. But also said that this BF was actually her ex-BF, and they had come back together recently, but their relation was complicated so that is why she had not talked about him.
Well, thinking about it, I suppose that maybe explains the flakes after the initial attention, that she was also in this mid-situation of coming or not with the BF, feeling attraction for me, but then once they came back, does not want to meet other guys. I don´t know. Did I blow it up not going for the close that week she seemed to be more receptive? I am not even sure if at that time she had come back with this ex-BF or not, and as I said, working together and with me in the middle of splitting up with my GF, I wanted to take baby steps, although obviously there seemed to be some kind of attraction there.
Well, if they broke up in the past, I suppose it can happen again. It is weird if she really feels depressed lately when they just re-started their relation, when usually when you start something, you see everything in pink and with new hopes. Any advice how I should behave with her from now on? I do not want to fall into the friends zone, or sound needy, but at the same time I am not so sure she would let me know or set a date in case she would become single again in the future. Of course, I am planning to continue improving my game and meeting other wonderfun women. Estonia does not lack of nice chicks...
Thanks a lot for your help beforehand, sorry for the long post and for the many possible AFC mistakes I must have done in this interaction, and hope I can learn many useful things to improve in the future.
Abubillo
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CHAT
