Here's the situation:

I've been seeing this girl about once a week for a few weeks now. In total I think we've gone out 4 or 5 times. In general things have been great. We converse easily, and there is definitely passion there. For example we've watched a couple movies together, and while we do, all the appropriate IOI's are there (cuddling, hand holding, massaging, etc). Kiss closing her was not a problem at all. It happened easily and naturally, as everything else has so far.

Everything, that is, except for the F-CLOSE! For all the great connection and passion she and I have, I cannot get her into my bed and it's driving me crazy!! Even worse, actually, is that I HAD HER IN MY BED, we were making out, hands moving and grabbing all over (hers and mine). In the past I have never been denied an F-close when we're already so far into the escalation, not to mention on my bed already, but as I was on top of this girl, she flipped me over onto my back, straddled me and kissed me for another minute or two, and then promptly announced that she had to go. Three times now she has been at my place, in the middle of feverishly making out with me on my couch or bed, and three times she has left without giving me the F-close. I just don't fucking get it!

If anyone has any advice for me on how to close this girl, or how to react when she says she's leaving (since I've definitely DLV'ed myself a couple times in trying to get her to stay when she says she's going) then I'd really appreciate it. One thing to note is that she does live with her parents, and even though she's a grown woman, I think this may be part of the reason she leaves. Also it means we can't really go to her place, where she might be more comfortable.

Any thoughts? ... Please?!

Hey Shades.

how old is she, older than 26? 30?? to still live with parents and be 28+ ... is she asian?? does she have kids?


you can check out my reply to this thread.. might relate to this a bit

how-to-tell-your-girl-your-part-of-the- ... 46503.html


in short you already know u did wrong by trying to make her stay......so right away there's one thing to work on....
When she says "I should go.." ..... stop COLD . and say.. "cool ill walk you out" and get up and start moving her....

maybe with the possibility of sacrificing a make out session(boring) initiate it....
"You know its late and I have to be up early....you should probably go now"

the questions i ask up top determines how serious of a relationship she is looking for....
she probably WANTS to not live with her parents.... and maybe independant in her head but not financially on whatever job she has.... so f*kn some random dude for fun really doesnt push her in the right direction.....

same is true if she has kids..... she might want someone stable and gonna stick around..
whatever YOUR goal is.... you might want to do subtle things to assure her ur not gonna bounce the next day... subtle meaning...when she strddles u next time.. say something like "whoa whoa... from what it feels like lately... ur just using me for fun...im not a piece of meat u know..im more of a nice comfortable relationship guy....so if thats all you want.. go hit up a club somewhere"

dont go "baby i think we can make a good life together .. and ill be the best thing ever .. i think i love you.. bla blah..."

if she asks what ur looking for for real... say "honestly.. i cant make any promises.. no one really can..and if they do they'd be lying...cuz who knows..what i can say is im not really into playing randomly anymore... that gets old.. i like having a comfortable thing and building on it... sex to me is VERY important in a relationship and if ur coming here..i want it to mean something. I dont need another play buddy.. i dont see you like that."

without all the details abou ther i donno what shes looking for but thats my educated guess.. and if ur just playin her. its up to you to be a dick or not to be... but if u do date her and see how it goes and it doesnt work out . well then u didnt lie..... but to HER "putting out" isnt an issue.. but she doesnt wanna to have fun she wants to to start someTHING.



cuz if its a girl that just wants to bang.. then everything i jsut said would have the opposite effect of what u want..... i usually just let a girl know im not serious about her right now and jsut wanna bang......sometimes it turns into somethin real.. and others they just numbers to text when ur bored..

if shes looking for serious... then you can use the approach above.. if ur not sure about serious.. u still can.. say u cant make promises. u can only try.. letting her know that sex is important in a nice way like that. will get her to put out for you knowing that you WILL bounce as u consider lack of sex "a not working relationship" . Which is somethign I ACTUALLY believe...

good luck... if shes been over and u been getting hot on the bed a few times. the flare will die down.. u will both get bored of just making out..and let it fizzle out... so figure out what kinda girl she is and put a plan of action in motion sooner than later....

dont chode it out and say shit like "no no.. stay baby." if she wants to bounce show her the door. but tell her ur a lil upset cuz u think shes just using u for fun and ur not into girls like that...... etc....

Thanks for the reply Chester. To answer your 1st questions:

She is Asian but she's only 23 years old, and does not have kids. I believe she is looking for a serious relationship, and from getting to know her so far, that is something that I would consider pursuing, but like you said, that can't happen for me without a sexual component first.

I do need to work on my freeze out technique for sure, and if she does this again I will incorporate your advice. I have a very hard time switching myself off once I get going, so freezing out and playing casual if she says she wants to leave is freakin' difficult for me!

Oh, and LOL at 'chode it out.'