When I was younger, I had no fear when I went to work. I was the funniest, coolest, and hardest working person at the time. The only problem was that my social life sucked outside of work and I was just a nervous train wreck. Now its backwards on me. I'm confident and have almost no fear outside of work, but when I'm at work I'm so nervous, self-concious, and tired. I don't know what changed from now and then, but I need to find a way to be myself regardless of the situation. I think my problem lies in my boss being a bitch to me. Any advice on how to overcome this?

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"If you're not living life on the edge, then you're taking up too much space."

Ok the problem is being congruent.

Being the same in all situations.

I fundamentally have the same thoughts, opinions, views, attitudes and behavioural patterns whoever im talking to and however im supposed to be talking to.

This is congruency I say what I think and I dont need validation for my opinions because I know as long as I tell the truth I am completely justified whatever I say.

I would like to go on a wild assumption about ur problem.

When u were confident at work ur social life sucked. To be frank most people develop their social standing and image when they start work. Its the first time u are somewhere daily after school, u chose who u talk to and social dynamics really become apparant.

As u started to build rapport and influence at work, u built with it confidence. The only trouble being this confidence was limited to the people u surround urself on a day to day basis, its not with strangers. In fairness u really built up rapport under the name of confidence.

So when u switched to using ur confidence gained at work into social confidence u made the bridge, u decided if I can be like this here, I will be like this there.

U displaced...... u didnt become congruent.

You took what was working well in ur work life and then uprooted it and implanted into ur social life. You litterally took ur confidence and work and put it into ur social. Thus leaving a gaping wound in ur confidence and social ability at work.

I think u must be one of those guys who likes to concern himself with what others think about him, because uve developed PUA skills on top of the displaced confidence from work, u r building a really good social frame work. But now the way u socialise at work seems so inherently different u cant seem to adapt back.

You took what work offered u socially, ate it all up and then moved on. Its like reading a book then throwing it away because uve read it, or reading a book, keeping it and maybe coming back to it down the road.

You mentally cut ur ties with being confident at work in favour of benifiting ur social life.

You really need to build confidence into urself congruently, u need to be the same happy, confidence, interesting and charasmatic guy, everywhere!!!

It doesnt matter what u say, its how u say it.... that statement is so tru, it doesnt matter how much confidence u have, if it isnt distributed in all aspects of ur life u will eventually lose confidence in that part of u, to this I present ur problem!!

The solution???

Be confident congruently, be the same guy with ur friends, family, colleagues, lovers etc and they will love u for it.

Imagine being a really nice guy out of work and a complete cunt in work, if ur partner came to visit u in work she would probably freak out how different u r, maintain the same internal frame. Build on it, develop it, but make it about u not ur environment or company.

namaste