| To be quite honest, I don't have male friends that I go out with. The women that I date tend to be from online dating pretty much exclusively. And with that said, I've done very well for myself. I get laid very frequently, 2-3 new lays a week when I'm going on a hot streak. But, I'm always looking to improve.
One thing that kills me is meeting a girl if she's already out with friends. Ideally, I have a girl meet me one on one so I can control the conversation and she has no other choice but to invest fully in our dynamic. When I go meet a girl for the first time who's already at the bar with a few friends, it makes the task that much more daunting.
Of course, some women will only meet me this way because they're more comfortable doing that. And if I could hone this skill, I would really have less rejections. Here's a couple of different situations from my recent past for insight:
Situation A: I have been on a few dates with a girl, haven't laid her yet due to logistics but it is bound to happen soon. She invites me to go to a house party her friend is having, implying we can go back to her place after. I oblige. The party is full of people I don't know and they're all close friends of the girl, so she is socializing with all of them throughout the night. I'm doing my absolute best to talk, smile, and look engaged with the rest of the people. I have a few brief conversations with people but can't really find a spot to settle in.
The girl comes back and forth to chat with me but is also engaged with other party goers. My anxiety begins to eat away at me. Am I sticking out like a sore thumb as the outsider? Is everyone seeing through my attempt to play it cool? I find myself standing alone, with nothing to focus on or look at to preoccupy myself. Is everyone subconsciously viewing me as low-value?
After the party, the girl tells me she is tired and I never see her again
Situation B: Meeting a girl from Tinder for the first time out at the bar. She's with two of her girl friends. I head out, dressed nice and determined to conquer things. At first, it's great. I'm engaging all three girls and making them laugh with my sharp wit. I have a bit of a one on one chat with the girl I'm there to see and then mix the other girls in.
Gradually though, they begin to bring up inside jokes and start talking about past memories that have nothing to do with me. I'm suddenly an extreme outsider, with nobody else to cling to for support. I'm forced to fumble between my phone and pretending to be interested in the TV. I interject into the conversation a few times, but I'm clearly not the focal point anymore.
We play a few rounds of darts and have fun doing it but suddenly it seems very transactional. We are just all taking our turns throwing darts and there's no excitement or intrigue. For these girls it's just another night out at the bar but for me it's my shot to win the girl over. If it was me and her alone, I would be driving the conversation myself and choosing the activity rather than following them around like a puppy.
After the darts, they swiftly pay their tab and all leave together, incidentally parking on the opposite lot as me so I get a rushed awkward goodbye hug from the girl. With that, I get a text from the girl the next day saying "Hey I'm sorry if this seems forward but I really didn't feel a spark or anything."
I am certain she would not have said that if it was just the two of us in the exact same setting.
But, guys manage to get girls in these situations all the time. In fact, it seems to be the most traditional way to meet people- rather than the staged 1 on 1 interview dates I usually plan. My method gets me laid a lot yes, but I hate striking out so pathetically like this.
Do you think it's my lack of social skills killing me here? Or general insecurity? Bad luck?
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