Okay, sick of being a pussy, I want to start initiating conversations with girls and getting numbers. Where did you start, did you use any crutches (canned openers)? One thing that I got going with regards to meeting women is salsa classes. But I still care that if I look like moron as I am assuming it will be awkward the next time I will see them in the class and we dance together or whatever. Same attitude goes for the gym. Probably a limiting belief on my part, but where did u start approaching? Maybe bootcamp would do the trick?

Cheers,
simpleShock

The way I got over that first huge batch of AA was to approach EVERYONE. Open people with no intention of closing, and you will see it is easy. Just have a fun conversation.

Then if that doesn't work, open guys and girls, young and old, everyone. At the grocery store open that old lady next to you, on the bus open that guy next to you. Then you realize that people are happy to talk.

So basically just start talking to everyone. The old lady in the grocery store, the cashier, the garbage man etc. Did you just say whatever is on your mind? What would you talk about with the old lady or cashier?

But your right about the AA, its a limiting belief of mine, especially with regards to conversing with people, and that random strangers would not be interested in having a conversation with strangers.

Well it helps to approach everyone, even if just for a conversation with no close. It helps you see that people love talking and meeting new people, so when you go out with the intention of picking up, it'll be easier. It's what helped me anyways.

i got a job in a retail store.

unfortunately not too many HBs go to Mervyns, however it improved my social skills unbelievably.

simpleShock take the 'just talk to everyone" advice with a grain of salt. While theoretically its the best thing to do to build up your conversational skills it can also be dangerous.

Remember what they said about talking to strangers in school? theres a very good reason why they say that. It's great when you approach someone sociable but there are alot of people who arn't.

Some will be very suspicious why youre talking to them, some don't want to talk to strangers, (this is ingrained into them in school remeber). Some are just plain out to get you, they will see your friendlyness as a weakness to be exploited.

These guys are takers they will try to act friendly initially but there mannerisms usually give them away. They will probably try to get money off you or get you to buy them free drinks. They may also try to steal your mobile or wallet ect while trying to distract you.

These guys themselves are very low value socially just by associateing with them they lower your social value. Anyone who sees you with them and knows a bit about them will assume you have equal value to them or you wouldnt be talking to them.

While the advice "just talk to anyone" sounds good on paper, and the guys above are just repeating what Mystery is saying, you gotto remeber Mystery has to sell DVD's he can't really spout negative comments about people and still make it look good.

My advice to you is to change your motto to, "talk to other people who have equal or higher social value then you". Low value people don't really have anything to offer and you wouldn't learn much from them anyway, plus you don't want to pick up on there bad habbits.

There are numerous posts scattered on this forum where people have had their wallets stolen because they approached everyone and eventually ran into that bad egg. Myself included. Im posting this now as a warning to other people. "Don't just talk to anyone its not safe or constructive to do so, some people are just plain angry, aggresive, needy, offensive, and selfish will only ruin your game.

Change the rule to:
"Talk to other people who have equal or higher social value then you"

GUYS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Take it as you will, for those who don't heed my advice keep a close eye on your wallets.

_________________
Now looking back at all we've had...
we let so many dreams just slip through our hands...
Why must we wait so long before we see
How sad the answers to those questions can be?

mall

evening classes (french, spanich)

no need to open, jump to A2 directly

Yust go sit next to HB ask for paper etc ...

Rapture is right to warn you about not talking to every single person out there, but you should still practice approaching strangers once in a while. You'll begin developing an eye for people, and know which types are open and which are unfriendly. Read their body language - that's very important.

I always strike up conversations with people at the AMPM by my house... there's a small bench outside, and I just sit next to whoever happens to be there and just start talking. You never know what kind of person you'll meet. It's great practice, because you learn to adapt to the person and calibrate to the conversation. If a person seems slightly reluctant to talk, you can practice trying to "open" them; great way to hone your sarging skills. (by the way, the best way to open a stranger is to bait them to talk about themselves; once you do that, you'll have a hard time getting them to shut up)

I think it's very important to grow comfortable talking to people without an agenda. Just talk to someone without any real purpose in mind. If you put so much weight into every interaction, then you'll just beat yourself up everytime things don't go smoothly.

Also, the best way to get over your self-consciousness is by doing something that makes you look foolish. Hypnotica walked around in a dress with a dildo on his head in order to get over his insecurities. When you push yourself into doing something stupid, you eventually learn to laugh at yourself. You learn not to take yourself so seriously. There's nothing wrong with making a mistake or stumbling over yourself - you're human. Nobody expects you to be infallible.

I used to have anxiety about dancing in front of people, too. I got over it by practicing my dancing in public. If you grow comfortable with dancing badly and getting laughed at, then you'll definitely be comfortable once you dance well. I'm not ashamed to say that I got laughed at a LOT. I'd practice on my college campus (a lot of times in the campus square), and whole groups of girls would walk by, point at me, and laugh like I was the biggest moron in the world. I'd constantly see guys smirking and shaking their heads. I used to feel really embarrassed; there were hundreds of times when I just wanted to stop. However, over time I began to realize how silly my insecurity was. The sky didn't come crashing down, and the world didn't end. In fact, the laughters slowly transformed into small compliments, and then eventually praise as my skills began to improve.

You don't have to dance in public - salsa isn't a one person dance - but do something stupid or silly once in a while. You might feel really uncomfortable at first, but it becomes rather liberating after a while. You learn to accept yourself, faults and all. This isn't just helpful for PUA; it's a good way to go about life. There's no reason to beat yourself up over nothing.

You know full well that all your anxiety is nothing but a construct of your mind, but sometimes you have to PROVE it to yourself before you can conquer it.

I like that advice, "talk to other people who have equal or higher social value then you". But how do you determine value? To me it seems a little subjective, that subjectivity being based on what your values are. I would say someone of value is one that is friendly, does not take himself/herself too seriously, is able to carry a conversation, and is fun to interact with. I am actually doing some studying on values, any good book one can recommend. I am trying to determine what my values are, so I can live a fulfilling life. Nice. I actually experienced this. I was reading a book about an erotic massage, it had illustrative cartoon like images. I was actually looking on how to massage the penis at the time (it covers the whole body, male/female, but it turned out I was on that section . Enjoying my book, a group of girls walked by right behind me, and saw the lovely images. They all burst out laughing. I was about to go red with embarrassment and shame. I am like screw that, and continued on reading my book. Felt really good to just let go and not give a shit what other think. The girls actually started looking back with curiosity, like I am some sort of sex weirdo. It was hilarious. Hypnotica is on the right track, because following that event, I felt so good. It basically made my day.

So you just danced in the mall by yourself, while people were watching and laughing at you? How long did you do this for? I am thinking of doing something silly which will get lots of attention. Any ideas?

Haha! That's a great story. You know, I bet the girls were rather intrigued when they saw you keep your cool. You probably seemed sexually experienced in their eyes - a good lover. Definite points for that!

I actually danced on my college campus. I'd do it pretty much wherever I happened to me. Sometimes I did it in the lunch area, other times while I was walking to class - it didn't really matter to me. I would actually even dance while I was talking to people. They thought it was really strange at first, but they eventually got used to it.

It's funny that you ask me how long I did it for. I never actually stopped, LOL! I still dance in public often. It's not a big deal now, because I'm actually pretty good. It's great, because now girls will come up to me and try to start a conversation.

As for what you should do: Just do anything. Whenever you have an impulse - that's not inappropriate - just do it. If you feel like yelling in public, then go ahead and do it. If you feel like jumping around, let loose. The point is to not feel trapped by your insecurity or fears. Act against them whenever you have the opportunity. Courage isn't acting in the absence of fear; it's acting in spite of it, right? Overcoming anxiety is the same thing. You'll never really lose it. The important thing is to not be controlled by it.

Next time you're in your salsa class: if you feel that anxiety working up, just break out into a silly, stupid jig. The girls will probably laugh at you, so just laugh with them. I guarantee you that the pressure will be lifted. If you already did something that stupid, how bad could it be if you were actually trying?

Yeah the event was hilarious; I was actually trying not to laugh out. But now that I think about it I should off. Who cares what they think right. Oww, it’s so money what you said above. It feels so good because you do not let fears control you. It’s the going through the fear, coming out the other end and saying “that was not that bad”. Hey it was actually fun, let’s do it again. It’s a rush and release of emotion, it’s awesome.

I am actually starting to get comfortable at salsa, and being in constant presence of women. The more comfortable I am, the girls seem to feed off of it. It’s contagious, but I need to get myself together first.

I am tempted to do something silly to push my comfort zone this weekend. I need to do some brainstorming, unless someone has some good ideas. I heard Hypnotica gong around with a dildo on his head, but I am not sure if that is appropriate. Maybe a silly costume, or a teddy bear hat with ears, I dunno something that gets lots of attention, and makes me feel the urge to hide and run. Yet sticking it out, till I won’t care. That dancing one is good too, maybe the next time I am waiting in line to buy something I can start dancing. I can start doing some salsa moves, lol. Just thinking about it makes me want to cringe and laugh at the same time.

Actually going to a salsa club today, and suppose to meet one of the girls from class there. It should be fun. Currently I am working on my communications skills, they need improvement.

The reason why people get AA is because they get embarrassed...just be like me and never get embarrassed about anything...never apologise for your behaviour..

if i walked out of my house with just boxers on to get the post i wouldn't be embarrassed...in your head just think what fuck i'll do what i want.

Simple.

sreewtrs

WHERE GIRLS WERE PRESENT!!

THEY ARE EVERYWHERE TAKE YOUR PICK!

_________________
You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world