You need to decide what you want first, before you can ask us for any help.

Do you want her or not? You can't have her as a friend, you said so yourself, so that only leaves two options - date her or cut her out completely. Which is it?

If you cut her out, you might avoid a huge problem, or you might be living in regret.
If you date her, you might have the time of your life, or you might go through some kinda disaster.



Having said that, unless there's an obvious danger, I'm always all for doing something so I can look back and say that I did it and I know now. You always learn from everything you do.

Anyway, once you've made your choice you can take action. If you don't want her in your life, just ignore her. Easy. If you do want to date her, then it will be game on as usual. In fact moreso. In most cases you want the girl to be chasing you, keeping her wondering, etc. but in this case she's gonna have to earn your respect as a friend first, so you can't even show any romantic interest. If you give her any undeserved attention, she won't learn her lesson, all she'll learn is that if she's nice enough she can walk over anyone. You have to think about it realistically - who would date someone who's been such a bitch? She has to atone for her actions and she knows it. Your attraction for her has to grow with her change in behaviour.

When I first found out the things she has done, I NEVER wanted to talk to her again and just wanted her out of my life.

Here is the problem though... Every day she contacts me telling me how sorry she is and that she really wants me back. She's been crying and shit and gets really nervous every time I'm near her. She says she thinks of me a lot etc etc...

It's kinda hard to just ignore that. She wants to give us a new chance. I think I wanna go for it, but at the same time I'm a bit paranoid over the fact that she is still the same person deep inside and that she in fact hasn't changed and learned her lesson.

honestly? I think as a person you deserve better. Just because she's crying for you doesn't neccesarily mean she wants YOU back, maybe just the security you provided her.

I could be wrong.

YOU SHOULD SO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT, NOT JUST BASE YOUR ACTIONS ON AN INTERNET BLOG

_________________
move fast enough, and you can move people from one *normal* to another.

k...

Look..


I wish i could grab you by the shoulders, look you in the eyes and give you directly the knowledge you require to feel better, as I have it.

But unfortunately it doesn't work that way.


----------

Ill tell you how id view it in order to guide you to the next level. Now the problem with viewpoints is that this is not exactly what id be feeling or doing, but for the sake of your situation as i can see the matrix clearly here, i will tell you this.

1. ) Imagine you didn't know her. You are a complete stranger to this situation, your friends don't exist. So if she did sleep with your best friend.. it wouldn't matter, because you never knew her, you never knew him. You now have met her, the last time you talked, and she likes you! are you willing to pursue it and form a relationship?

2. ) Now for a moment imagine that you KNEW her again... all your other fiends fucked her too! You felt as if youve had enough... you let that sack of shit go! You ended up meeting someone hotter, and more interesting. Suddenly, the girl you used to like seemed.. not so great.. not bad .. but shes somewhat boring.. and your over it now... you don't know what you saw in her..

The girl you just met is far better, and you guys get along superbly. Shes one of those women who fulfills all your desires and simply halts the breath of every man in the room. You look at her from a distance and you just marvel at the girl you will possibly end up marrying.

Now

Which of these 2 scenarios makes you feel better?

And the one that makes you feel better, refreshed, free, should be the option you take and follow through with.
----------

_________________
Back, starting over as of 2012.

Dude, rough issue, i think maybe it would be best to leave it, she doesnt sound like she's worth it, do you really want a girl that cheats? "oh its ok Im just a wild/sexual person", would that cut it if you were in a relationship with her? Yeah fuck it makes it harder if she's contacting you, so as someone said tell her to please stop it because basicly if you stay in contact with her thats just gonna end up with you falling back into the same place you were before, in my opinion. If i was you i'd go to a party with some mates who have no association with that group, or go sarging to a club, it sounds like a really complicated and rough one-its, so maybe you'd be best sampling some of the other hotties out there?

Dude, rough issue, i think maybe it would be best to leave it, she doesnt sound like she's worth it, do you really want a girl that cheats? "oh its ok Im just a wild/sexual person", would that cut it if you were in a relationship with her? Yeah fuck it makes it harder if she's contacting you, so as someone said tell her to please stop it because basicly if you stay in contact with her thats just gonna end up with you falling back into the same place you were before, in my opinion. If i was you i'd go to a party with some mates who have no association with that group, or go sarging to a club, it sounds like a really complicated and rough one-its, so maybe you'd be best sampling some of the other hotties out there?

Look, you want a straight answer, so here it is;

You should be telling her all those things, not us.

You can't stay here in limbo forever, wondering what to do next, so that rules that out.

You can't go forward and just be friends with her again, you said that yourself, so that rules that out.

Which only leaves 2 options;

• Cut her out of your life
• Date her

You can do the first one at any point, so you have nothing to lose trying the 2nd one first, so what the hell.

If you tell her a big part of why you can't see her again is because you can't just be friends with her, then she knows she only has 2 choices - just shut up and leave you alone, or consider dating you. So, this will naturally lead to one of the two options. Possibly she will try to convince you to be friends again, but if you just keep re-stating your position and don't budge, she's got to give in at some point and choose one of those 2 outcomes.

And you should just tell her everything you told us, get it off your chest;

• Tell her that when you found out what she did you didn't want to know her anymore, and it's only cause she seems so distraught that you're even reconsidering not cutting her out completely.
• And tell her you are not convinced it won't just happen the same way all over again, with you as the friend, and her doing those things and not having learnt her lesson.

You are facing cutting her out of your life anyway, so you may as well tell her everything anyway, get it off your chest, instead of venting into a forum.


And then let me know what the outcome is. Because I am seriously eager to see how this all works out for you, having been in similar situations in the past.

I really appreciate all the advice you guys have given me.

But there is a detail ALL of you have missed: She has a boyfriend! So when she says she wants me back, she wants me back as her BEST FRIEND.

I hope this doesn't change much.

if it's just being her friend, just ask yourself, are you bothered being her friend?

do you want to be her friend?

and will you be happier if you were her friend again?

i know im simply rephrasing what other people have already said.


or if you want to date her, bf kill.

_________________
move fast enough, and you can move people from one *normal* to another.

I think I want her back as a best friend... She makes me happy. But I'm just scared that she may start lying to me again and doing all the crazy shit as fucking my friends etc..

Just worried, that's all..

I didn't forget that You said you couldn't just be friends with her anymore, so dating was the only choice left.

You are right to be worried she hasn't learned.

Based on my experience, if you just accept her back right now, and be friends again, she will just learn that if she cries and pleads enough, she can get anything.

My advice to you is to tell her there needs to be a cooling off period first, like a month or something. Or that you need to see a change in her behavior before you can accept her as a friend again. If you let things go back the way they were, they will.

She's not just crying. You know what she did? She threatened to kill herself.. And when I convinced her NOT to, she decided to change school. She is still deciding whether or not she should do it.

Here are the improvements: She told her boyfriend ALL about it. That she fucked Kyle and everything! You know why I believe her? Because I secretely asked her boyfriend and he confirmed it all.

So she is really improving and proving to me that she's sorry..

You need to realise that this thing with Jessica is just an infatuation because your too scared to face your fears of rejection with women. If it wasn't Jessica it would be some other girl, I know you think you love her, but you don't. You are wallowing in self pity because you are to afraid to take the next step to be the kind of guy your want to be with women.

That should have been you she f'd in Berlin but you know what you did wrong. You didn't make your move and now your torturing yourself for it. I have been in this situation before dude when I was a massive AFC and all it did for me was stop me from picking up other women.

Just face it, the root of your problem is 'YOUR TERRIFIED' and you need to conquer your fears. Jessica is not the only girl in the world, she isn't even one of the better ones. The sooner you take the next step to PUAhood the less you'll have to regret when make it to PUA and look back on your AFC days and see them for what they were.

Don't miss out on life because your scared dude there is nothing sadder than an old man full of regrets.

I think you have interpreted my situation pretty correctly. I'm glad I got this piece of advice.

This is what I have decided to do: I will take her back. I will become her best friend again. At the same time, I will sarge a lot in the try of getting a girlfriend. Hopefully, when I get involved in a relationship I will be able to be friends with Jessica without having feelings for her and not caring what the hell she does with other people.

Sounds good?

Any sort of action to move forward is 100% better than staying where you are. Things will progress.