I hope this is in the right place... I feel it is a definite sticking point as I'm suffering from oneitis (again) and I'm lacking confidence and have low self-esteem, which in turn possibly makes things difficult when I meet girls I like.

Since the start of the year I've been a bit low thinking about the future… I now feel at a point where I have the time, money and stability in my life to have a girlfriend, but I've had very few options in the last few months. I have started to question whether I am as happy in my own skin as I thought I was after I saw a picture of the only girl I've ever loved in her wedding dress and then hooking up with a girl a couple of days later, only for her to turn around and say, "I'm not looking for anything relationship-wise at the moment!' Sometimes I feel great, sometimes I feel like my self-esteem is at an all time low.

I have a great job, good circle of friends, I keep active and try to socialise as much as my job allows. But I have started to feel depressed with the way I look. So… I joined a gym and have decided to invest in some top-quality clothes to make sure I feel good all the time. I know there's more to it than this, but I feel this is a good start and is already making me feel better.

Part of me feels like I need to work on my inner-game a bit more as I have suffered from oneitis several times… which kind of contradicts itself, since every time I felt like I would never find anyone better, and yet I do and then get hung up on the new girl. As I mentioned I hooked up with a girl at the start of the year - she was extremely keen, she was very affectionate and we ended up sleeping together. The following day she was still really keen. I left her house feeling like the man! A few days later after maybe three or four texts she text me to say she didn't feel like she wanted anything relationship-wise at the moment, that she'd had a lovely few days with me, but thought was better for us to remain friends. This completely destroyed my confidence as she had gone from being really keen (hot) to really cold in a matter of days. My texts were always short and never mentioned the possibility of us getting together properly, so this came completely out of the blue.

So I've tried to stop texting her, but have failed miserably. I've seen her a few times and I have completely fallen into the oneitis trap. So today I made sure I couldn't see her posts on fb or chat to her and I'm contemplating deleting her number. I don't feel it's a lost cause with her, but if I continue to text her and focus on her I know I will come across as needy (if I haven't already) and then that would completely blow it.

So anyway, I'm looking for some good advice in improving my confidence and self-esteem and avoiding oneitis in the future. Also, am I right in thinking about just forgetting about this girl and make sure I meet others before even contemplating seeing her again?

Well you're definitely on the right track, by investing your time in the gym, and money on good looking clothes your doing alot more then most people do! Time to get a good haircut, groom yourself well. Work on your inner game as much as possible, as I see it is key to be successfull in life and therefore succesfull in pickup! To prevent one-itis you must learn yourself the idontgiveafuck attitude. You can attain in 2 ways. First train your mind to really not care about women, just enjoy life with friends and socialize and put women on the side, ofcourse if they come to you, welcome them ,but don't make them more then they are! Second if you know alot of girls, you will not be stuckup by 1 girl, so what you should be aiming for is trying to know alot of girls at the same time, just friends or hookups doesnt matter.

Thanks for the response. You mentioned about working on my inner game - do you have any tips for this? I will try to work on the notgivingafuck about girls attitude too.

Yes I do have some tips, hold on.

beliefs-and-confidence-building-self-es ... e-vf2.html

Read the threads in here " Inner-game problem", " Uncaring attitude". Threads like that. Look at what other people go trough, and see what kind of advice they get, and learn from it, so if it ever happens to you, you know what to do!

Good luck

ive started to notice some trends in the way i avoid it.
with any interaction with a potential hook up i go into itth the same mind set i would if i were studying for a test.
everything about her goes right into my short term memory, i remember what i need to long enough to get laid and then just forget everything about her. ive passed the test now the information is irrelivant kind of idea.