Hi guys. Let me introduce myself first so I'll get a better idea of what is goin on.

I'm Ikki. It might seem like a monologue about my skills, my past relationship and my weaknesses. If you spot them and point them out that will help me! A lot! Any thought is highly appreciated! Particularly about conversations as I feel like I'm lacking in that field most. I have few sticking points and I'd be glad if you can have a look and help me out to sort them.

The story behind:
I had my girlfriend stolen by another guy.
It fucked me up. I still feel shattered from time to time. David deAngelo - Deep Inner Game & 7 Habits of highly effective people helped me a lot. However my mood is up and down. Down and up. Today for example I saw a picture of my ex after two months on fb. First thought - "my little girl..." and tears in the eyes. I think I still can't believe it has happened. One day I left to work. I came back. And my room was half empty. It took my more than two months to realize what really was going on for weeks.

I blame myself for not being good enough for her. I didn't listen to her. I wanted to but I didn't know how. I was always right. I always new better. I was focused on her problem (she's ill...) and I wanted her to get the SPAM while she gravely was standing against that idea. I was often stressed by that. I don't want her to die.

However. I worked 6 days a week for 12h doing nightshifts. While she worked only 2 or 3 for 5h/day. I was emotionally beaten. Without the energy all the time. Without enough sleep. As I always wanted to spend as much time with her as only I could. I took care of my hygiene but not health. I wasn't doing any gym or sth. I waited for her to get a proper job. As I felt bad of the idea going myself while we lived together. I found it inappropriate that she has always spend all the money she had but never talked her that as I didn't want to control her financially. And it might seem weird but I had more sex than I could handle. I think it was due to her emotional issues. There was a time when I just dreamed about on day of rest from sex to get some sexual drive back.

Now let me show you some bright side of me:
I can manage my life pretty well. After the break-up I signed-up to the gym. I do martial arts (Intense stuff 6 times a week, karate, boxing, muay thai, some weightlifting) I needed that to keep me busy during the hard times. I eat healthy. Don't remember the taste of the sweets or alcohol. I'm generally happy with what I see in the mirror. Don't take it as bragging I'm pointing it out just to let you know what you are dealing with. I have a motorbike, car, learning how to play guitar, learning photography. Finished uni half a year ago.

My sticking points:
1. I don't smile much.
2. I'm unemotional.
3. Don't really feel the need to be interested in another person when I speak to them.
4. I can't connect with guys or girls. I feel like something is fake even when I try.
5. I automatically want to say things from "my point of view" during the conversation.
6. My conversations are... dull and often go nowhere.
7. When I speak to more than 2 people I feel like I'm not being heard.
8. I'm never there for my family.
9. I don't feel like I can be funny. (Not the dancing monkey, in general during conversation I don't know what to do to be funny.)

AD1. I don't smile much:
Desc: I've been through that rising eyebrow and making a creepy smile stuff. However I feel that something inside me is missing. David de Angelo says happiness comes from being high on self-esteem and confidence. So basically my needs have to be met and I have to make right mature decisions. (win-win with the abundance mentality) and use the courage. Stephen R. Covey (7 Habits...) teaches about proactivity. That being happy is also a choice. You can make between the stimulus and response.

QUESTION: How do you make yourself feel happy when you are not feeling like that?


AD2. I'm unemotional.
Desc: "I don't care." I have what I want and don't feel the need to be concerned outside of my boundary. I find it hard to subordinate my feelings to the principles it works only with "principle of fairness" when I feel hatred towards ex.

Question: What makes your emotion itch? Does anyone learn how to be more emotional?


AD 3. Don't really feel the need to be interested in another person when I speak to them.
I'm trying. However the result is always the same. Something else is more important. Good example is. My brother's wife is pregnant. And recently I realized that asking her how is the pregnancy going is the way of being genuinely interested.

PS. About girls I found that post by DropoutBillionaire to bring part of the solution:
Questions: Is it asking about things that are important for others? What if I don't know what is important for them? How do you see other people? What do you have in mind when you see a person (someone you know already?)

AD 4 & 5
I'm trying to have a conversation with them to make a connection. However it doesn't seem right.
I really want to! Maybe I'm asking wrong questions? OR answering in the wrong way?
I'm learning reflective listening and I see the effects however it's very hard for me as during conversation first thing that comes to mind when I want to respond in my case is "I."

The main issue SPAM. How to learn to have good conversations? and be genuinely interested in others?