So I have been getting things togather in my life and have been making noticeable progress over the last 2 weeks in all areas of my life. I have been pushing myself to go out to bars more. Even my family has noticed and has said that I seem to be a lot happier. My tips at work have also been getting better (I am a waiter).

However The other night I went out to check out a bar I havent been to before. I liked the vibe and it was kind of dead, it was a monday night though, and looking at everyone there I realised I was judging just about everyone in there. Especially other men. I was thinking of all the reasons I was better than them or just reasons why I dont like them. It made me realise then how much I judge other people around me in general. I moved to the city I live in right now about a year ago and the only people I know are the people I work with and my family. I want to be more social and make freinds. I tell my self I should try to be be friends with the people I work with and that it is a good place to start. I know they are open to it but when I am actually at work I have no interest at all. I think to myself that they will be asholes once I get to know them then I am stuck working along side them or that they will be needy if I open up to them. This also translates back into the bar scene.

I have no interest in talking to other people because I have no interest in other people.The thing is is that I do want to date more women and have a more active social life but when it comes time to make it happen I can only think of all the bullshit I have to deal with once I do show an interest in other people. I always bury this problem when it has come up before and never confronted it. I just keep pushing people away. What do I do?

omg i just realized im just like you lol.

nahh, but just cause you dont like someone, doesnt mean you shouldnt engage..
i dislike the majority of my friends, some ALOT! but i keep good so i get deals of car parts i need, or party invites. etc...

the key rule to the universe..


GET IN GOOD WITH EVERYBODY

Seconded.

_________________

I'm a winner - I am going to win.

So the gist here is that I should know what I want from people whatever it is, sex, girlfriend, party invites, car parts, business, etc. and define a relationship that gets me those things. That makes sense to me. Also what I was getting at when it came to judging people is that I think it comes from being insecure. Always judging people, by that I mean finding flaws in them for the sake of making yourself feel better about yourself, that is a sign of insecurity. I see that as a sign that I should start weeding that insecurity out of me. Maybe I should be more focused on what I can bring to the table so I develop those relationships that give me the things I want. Does that make sense because it is starting to make sense in my head a little more it seems?

I am going to tell you something so profound, the full weight of it won't fall on you at once. humans are NOTHING more, than walking, talking, habits. you've created a mental habit of thinking the way you think. and you have a reason to change it now. the next time you have a negative thought about someone or something, you HAVE TO PROGRAM YOUR MIND TO THINK DIFFERENTLY. ever heard of fake it till you make it? next time you think negatively about someone, (because really the only person your thoughts are affecting is yourself, and negatively while you're stuck in this self same cycle of loathing and disrespect) turn your mind off. close your mind, open your fuckin eyes. if your eyes are working and youre actually LOOKING at what's outside your body with focus your mind's voice will turn off. get used to turning your mind off every. single. time that you think negatively. and then after you have realized that you're thinking that way, CHANGE what you think. choice is incredibly powerful, and you must realize that you are a positive force in this world, or not. you can either empower yourself, or devour. be your own angel or demon. you have to practice positivity. because the reality of the matter is that you don't have a clue what anyone else is thinking, ever. unless you can hear people's thoughts, which would suck

_________________
I'm only building on the past. TIGERS BLOOD!

Hi. I'm just like you, and was doing some real soul searching on the subject of judging people just last year.

I've come to the conclusion that it's only natural to do that, everyone does it, just some people do so more often and verbally express it more often than others. That may be, now that you mention it, due to self-esteem issues.

The key is how much you allow your unfair judgements to change your respect for people. A person should be judged foremost by their actions, that's what demonstrates their character most solidly.

I like to think of myself as someone who will judge you, but not tell you about it, and then not hold it against you (if it's an unfair judgement).

You can judge all you want but you shouldn't hold stuff against people. In a parallel universe you could just as easily have been a victim of the very same biological and sociological programming and conditioning that led to *insert anything you can unfairly judge somebody about.* I try, with varying degrees of success, to remind myself of that every time I think a negative, judgmental thought about somebody.

I've come a long way with empathy since I was a younger man.