Here's the situation :

Got introduced to a friend of my cousin at a family party. Felt instant connection. Cousin told me her friend thought I was very hot. She lives in another town so I proceeded to add on msn and we chatted once in a while. I did a proper job of maintaining interest through internet but I was really into that girl. 3 weeks went by and I went to her town with a friend of mine, when I told her earlier I was coming to her town she invited me to a bar where a friend of her was having her birthday. We went there and I played it off a bit independent, letting her hang around with her friends and stuff..She then joined me and we started talking alot, had a great time, my cousin even told me to ''go for it'' but I wasn't interested in a one night stand with her and was unsure wether it was that ''it'' she was talking about. So yeah I offered her a drink and at one point she even grabbed me by the hand to dance with her as I was sitting down on a table...We exited the club and drove in my friend's car to a restaurant..While we were in the car she rested her head on my shoulder and at one point even rested her head on my lap and I held her hand for a while..But she sat back up after a few minutes.

She was coming over at my cousin's house the next night for supper. During the day my cousin told me that she was ''very interested'' but had some kind of blockage because I was her best friend's cousin. When she arrived for dinner she felt really different, almost cold. We spent maybe an hour after dinner playing guitar and she was singing to me and stuff. Then her and my cousin went into the spa while me, my friend and uncle were watching boxing.

I went to check on them in the spa and asked if they wanted a drink. She told me she was very tired and was going home shortly.

I went back to the living room and 10 minutes later she grabbed her stuff, gave two kisses on the cheeks and went home.



Things I know :

-She's supposed to be interested (to what extent I don't know)
-She still had feelings for her ex when I met her at the family party the first time
-She's going on a trip for 6 months and said she didn't want a relationship
-VERY independent.
-I think I like her too much.

I'm wondering where to take this next. I can call her, text her or speak with her online but I don't want to fuck it up and really want to make her my girlfriend..
Maybe I should've kissed her but I thought it wouldn't have been meaningfull and at the bar I was under the impression that I was in control and that everything was going very well..Especially in the car where she was being demonstrative.



Help!

By the way I made a huuuuuuuge mistake when I went back home..

I catched her online and said that I wanted to talk to her and didn't have the opportunity when she left too quick on the last night of our weekend..She looked interested in knowing but couldn't talk at that moment and offered that we speak later.

I called monday and no answer, she didn't call back or send a text or give me any feedback whatsoever..

She was iddle on msn tonight and I left her a message saying :

Hey! I tried to call yesterday (false) with no answer, but it's ok since I realised afterwards that I didn't have anything important to tell you, have a good week!

I'm having a hard time dealing with the whole situation since I think I'm obsessed/infatued about this girl..I don't want to fuck it up..

I get an easy time attracting women I don't give a shit about but when feelings are involved I'm a total zero.



EDIT : I just got her reponse :

Her : Hey, sorry I didn't see your call yesterday (Might be true or false)
Me : Don't worry about it
Her : Are you sure it wasn't important ? (That line seems particularly important)
Me : Nah it's no big deal, how are you?
Her : I'm great and you
Me : Same, what did you do tonite?
Her : Watched tv
Me : Was there anything good on tv granny? (It didn't sound as gay in my language)
Her : Yeah planet earth was great, anyway I was going to bed, good night **** xxx and she used a cute slang for my name that's very ''friendly, or cool'' and not formal at all.

Do you think she really wanted to know what that call was about, or did it sound like she just wanted to be nice to me and figure out how I felt..haha

little feedback..


I texted her the following day telling her I wanted to talk and that I changed my mind..

That was another shitty mistake.

She never replied, and when I talked with her on msn she said that she didn't understand and didn't know what to text back.

She seemed hesitant about discussion so I knew something was up. Then we started speaking and basically me shooting myself in the foot talking about my interest for her..

She kept saying it was ''complicated'' and that I was her best-friend's cousin. And she told me about the whole situation feeling too official for her taste...Basically I was acting with her as if we were together while she just wanted to lay back and not feel rushed into anything..I fucked up haha! She said that it wasn't about her not being interested. That I was hot, funny and nice, but that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship..That she would love to see me again but that it couldn't go any further. So there's no false hopes.


Now knowing my cousin already told me her friend still had feelings for her ex and that it was a hard break up.

I think I pretty much lost the game, I had to kiss her or fuck her back at the bar, and not give a fuck about ''feelings'' while I had the chance, probably got the boring relationship guy vibe going on at pretty much the second date.

What'd ya think?

At least some people can relate..Pathetic story!

I think you pretty much nailed it with this...

Basically, 'attraction' is a fleeting emotional state... It can literally turn off in a moment, this is ESPECIALLY true with girls.

You HAVE to turn up the heat when you are there in the moment. If you don't, forget it... They won't think you have the balls and give up on you.

This is what has happened here. Forget all her mumbo jumbo, "I'm not ready for a relationship..." Of course she is. You just didn't sweep her off her feet...

Never mind.

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Yeah, but is there a way a great PUA (Not talking about me) Could recover from this situation?

Basically is it REALLY over or can I still get her knowing that :


-She thinks I'm very attractive physically, nice and funny, and that she enjoys being with me

-I showed her a side of me being insecure and needy over the internet and text messages

- She probably made it clear in her mind that she didn't want me as more than a friend.

- She stated that she was interested before.

-She probably has feelings for some other guy.



The new boyfriend of my cousin, whom I was introduced to in their town the night I was at the bar, invited me over to his place in the girl's town at the end of the month..

I thought about initiating a conversation with her sometimes next week, casually, and tell her that I'm going to visit her town blabla..Maybe tell her that she wasn't good enough for me anyway in some way.

Look man .... Your attraction has not been lost, that's for sure. I mean come on, the woman thinks you're smoking hot! Anyhow, what you did WRONG here was that you became a bit of an AFC to her. You showed neediness by calling/texting too much and worst of all - exposed your feelings for her.

This is now making her feel that she's in control of YOU, not the other way around. In other words: You are not a challenge to her anymore. She can do whatever she wants without being scared of losing you.

BAD MOVE MAN.

Good news is - this can be fixed. My best friend, "The Freeze Out" can help you out.

Essentially, what you must do (or rather, what you must NOT do) is:

*No texting/calling
*No contact whatsoever
*If she wants to hang out - You DON'T HAVE TIME (this is what you tell her). YOU'RE A BUSY MAN AND SHE IS NOT YOUR PRIORITY (this is what you do not tell her - but that should be your mindset).

In the end - she will go crazy. That's when you suddenly call her (after maybe 2,3 weeks) and tell her that you wanna hang out. Set up a "date" and go out with her.

Then explain to her thorougly that you are looking for a relationship with her and NOT a friendship. And what you must make clear for her is: You are not gonna wait for her in all eternity. No no no! You have to make sure she understands that if she doesn't do something about it NOW, she will lose the chances with you forever.

Of course, you don't say it in those words. It should be said nicely and abstract (by abstract I mean, you tell her you were busy seeing other women etc...).

This will make her realize that she can't take you for granted and expect you to wait for her...... You are the alpha, not her.

Best of luck,

Zentrode.

I'll keep that in mind..

I need to forget about her a bit..When I see her again I'll probably feel for her anyway..

I'll try to go visit in the next weeks without telling her about it and my cousin will probably tell her and arrange something..

I'm a pussy..Just got back from the club with an amazing girl that's interested in me..But I couldn't make a move for my life..

I still feel for my cousin's friend and I just can't put my mind to other girls...The fact that the girl I went to the club with is interested and I'm not makes it really awkward..My friends were telling me to just enjoy and whatever but I didn't want to make her believe I was interested and whatnot..